The Macintosh community is abuzz with the recent discovery that Apple has been granted a patent for a tablet device, roughly the size of a sheet of paper and featuring a touch screen.
While little is known of the tantalizing device on the record, Crazy Apple Rumors Site sources have confirmed that the device:
- Runs Mac OS X Lite, which sources say is like Linux but “less user-friendly.”
- Is fun for a girl and a boy.
- Will redraw the screen if you hold it upside and shake it.
- Will prompt the retirement of several fundamentalist rumor site editors who view it as signalling a biblical “end of Apple rumor days.”
- May also be used as a conversation-starting cheese plate. “Ooh! Is that the new Apple Tablet?!” “Yes! Edam?” “Don’t mind if I do!” Etc.
- Will not use Inkwell, but will instead use iWrite, an entirely new technology Apple came up with a month ago that will probably last just about as long. This is Apple, you know. That’s what they do, baby. You know that.
- Comes in a very flat box.
- For some reason has Newton users very angry.
- May cause fingertip chafing.
- Is just a big stupid iPod that runs applications and stuff. It’s stupid. And dumb. And, besides, Microsoft is coming out with the same thing in like four years and it’s going to be way better so I’m going to wait for that. Because I had a Mac once and it was really slow. And stupid.
Calls to Apple for comment were not returned.
But that’s not surprising, as we were calling out the window of a red 1969 Ford Mustang as it sped down de Anza Boulevard at about 90 MPH.
And we were whipping quarters at people.
And there were hookers in the car.
And, yeah, OK, there had been some drinking.