New iMacs Bigger, Faster, But Smell Like Ass.

Apple delivered new iMacs today, adding a 24-inch monster machine with a 2.33 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo processor. Across the board the iMacs are faster and provide a better value than ever.

However, sources indicate there is one major drawback to the new machines.

They smell like ass.

“Oh, my god,” said prospective iMac buyer Ann Woulten, quickly covering her nose with her hand as she entered the Boca Raton Apple Store. “What is that?”

Lifting his nose in the air, Woulten’s boyfriend Henry Martinez took several whiffs.

“Smells like ass,” Martinez concluded.

I know that!” Woulten shouted, gagging slightly.

Sources at Intel claim that something in the manufacturing process of the Core 2 Duo causes the chips to come out smelling like ass.

“We’re not sure what it is,” Intel spokesperson Kim Sargeant said. “We think it might be when Randy rubs his ass up against the silicon disks, but we’re not sure.

“Frankly, we don’t know how that step got into the procedure manual. We think Randy might have added it himself. We’re still looking into whether or not it’s necessary.”

Pausing momentarily and shifting uncomfortably in her seat, Sargeant added “We got ISO 9000 certification.”

According to Sargeant, Randy also apparently works on the Xeon processors but the fans in the the Mac Pro are powerful enough to blow away his severe funk.

Apple declined to comment for this story but has reportedly issued those white surgical masks to all Apple Store employees.