Apple fans hoping that next months Worldwide Developers Conference would bring new iMacs will be disappointed to learn that their fate is still unknown.
Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that new iMacs may delayed because Apple is totally messing with this one guy from Bloomington.
According to sources, new iMacs will not be released until exactly two weeks and one day after 36-year-old Matt Wilson of Bloomington, Minn., buys a current model, whenever that should be.
CEO Steve Jobs, senior vice president of worldwide marketing Phil Schiller and chief operating officer Tim Cook were beside themselves with laughter recounting their treatment of Wilson.
According to Jobs, Apple has been tormenting Wilson since he emailed firstname.lastname@example.org in April of 2001 to inquire when new iBooks would be shipping.
“I mean, like I’m going to tell this guy!” Jobs said. “I’m Steve Jobs! As if!
“Then he buys a Titanium PowerBook exactly two weeks and one day before we release the new iBook and he’s totally irate!
“So we totally just had to mess with him after that. And we’ve been doing it ever since. USB 2.0 iMac in 2003. Click wheel iPod in 2004. iBook G4 in 2005. What a maroon.”
“And now… now…” Jobs said, barely able to control his amusement. “Now I’ve got my monkeys from the Mall of America store on constant alert, following this guy, and he keeps coming in and asking… [snort]…”
“Stop it!” howled Cook, who was lying on the floor, pounding it with his fist and heaving with laughter.
“Don’t say it again!” Schiller begged, clutching his stomach. “I think my spleen is going to pop!”
“He keeps asking ‘When are the new iMacs coming?’!” Jobs blurted, causing another round of unbridled amusement.
Unfortunately for others waiting for new iMacs, Wilson has had enough.
“I’m totally not budging on this,” said an oblivious but determined Wilson. “No way, man. I mean, I don’t know what force has been working against me lo these past five years… Fate? Maybe it’s fate. Maybe it’s Satan. Or some lesser demon… I don’t know… but I’m going to beat it this time.
“Unless I have to rip some DVDs or something. Because 1 Ghz just isn’t cutting it.”