Zune Survey Provides Interesting Results.

A poll conducted by Eagle Research Group indicates that 70 percent of Zune users plan on switching to either an iPod or an iPhone as soon as they can.

Clearly, despite Microsoft’s best efforts to put a happy face on its beleaguered digital music player, the Zune is a severe disappointment.

But 70 percent that desired to switch wasn’t the only bad news Eagle Research Found found for the Zune and Microsoft. According to the study:

  • 20 percent of that 70 percent said they’d rather be kicked in the groin than use a Zune again.
  • 95 percent of iPod users volunteered to do the kicking because they felt the Zune users should have known better in the first place.
  • 100 percent of PlaysForSure music is incompatible with the Zune. That wasn’t actually part of the survey, we just like to point it out every chance we get because it’s so fricking hysterical.
  • The number one complaint of the 70 percent who said they would switch: premature squirting.
  • 35 percent of Zune owners have that funky brown Zune smell.
  • 70 percent of Steve Ballmer’s body consists of chicken parts deemed unsuitable for human consumption – mostly waddles and anuses.

That last one actually didn’t come from the survey, it came from the U.S. Poultry Council.

When reached for comment, Apple said that Zune owners would have to apply for iPod ownership and iPhone ownership would only be allowed for those with very good references.