Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk

Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.

Q: I’m trying to create an AppleScript to upload my photos to Flickr from iPhoto and I’m having a really hard time.

A: Oh, you need to use Automator.

Q: Automator?

A: Automator!

Q: Automator?

A: There’s a way to control it!
It’s totally Au-to-ma-tor!
Whatever you can record
You can do it blindfolded
Completely automatic!
All of your systems get down!
Down down down

Q: Um…


Q: So, how do I…

A: What is this madness
That makes my Mac run
And my legs too weak to stand?
I go from sadness
To ex-hil-a-ration
I got Automator at my command!

Q: You know, I’d hang up and call someone else, but your singing voice is so much better than Chris Breen’s.

A: My hands perspire and shake like a leaf!

Q: [sigh]

Q: Hey, do you know anyone at Apple legal?

A: Oh, yeah. We know lots of people. Well… a few people. Well, one.

Q: Because apparently there’s this dude who wrote a book about sexbots in the future and he doesn’t even credit Apple for the idea!

A: I forget her name. She was really nice on the phone.

Q: I mean, Apple invented the idea of sex with robots, right?!

A: The funny thing was, I had a PowerBook in for repair at the time and when I saw the caller ID said “Apple” I picked up immediately because I just assumed it was about my PowerBook.

Q: They totally did! He stole their idea!

A: All she wanted me to do was remove the Apple copyrighted image that I had superimposed a naked lady on from the site.

Q: Apple needs to sue this guy into the stone age!

A: And you know what? I folded like a old card table. I did! I mean, I was talking to someone who probably had lunch with Nancy Heinen. Nancy Heinen! Can you imagine?! What do you think Nancy ordered?

Q: So do you have her number?

A: Nancy Heinen’s number?! I wish!

Q: Are we talking about the same thing?

A: Mmm… Nancy.

Q: I just downloaded the QuickTIme update and I have to say I am not impressed.

A: Oh? What’s wrong?

Q: Well, before I updated I watched that trailer for Speed Racer and I watched it again after I updated. And guess what?

A: It still looked like the work of the bastard child of Hunter S. Thompson and Hello Kitty?

Q: Exactly.

A: Well, it’s really just a security update. So it’s not going to fix that.

Q: Oh. Well, maybe I’ll just go try to sleep it off.

A: You do that.

Q: Kind of a bad trip.

A: Well… good night.

Q: Hey, do you know where I can score some mescaline?

A: [click]

Q: Hello? Helloooo?

Comments are closed.