Apple Law Suits Now Reach 150.

Apple’s legal department was all smiles yesterday as Apple kicked off it’s 150th concurrent defense in a law suit, this time filed by none other than rapper Eminem. Eminem, whose real name is Marshall Bruce Mathers III, is suing Apple for using the lyrics to his song “Lose Yourself” in an ad for the iPod.

“Wow!” exclaimed Apple General Counsel Nancy Heinen. “It took us a long time to get to this point and I just want to thank the countless iBook users and G3 users and, wow, rapper Eminem! And the iPod users and the…”

According to sources within Apple, every member of Heinen’s organization will receive a set of commemorative steak knives to mark the event.

“I’m just thrilled to be at Apple during a time when there are so many law suits!” Heinen said. “It’s what every lawyer dreams of!”

Asked about the defense she might use against Eminem’s suit, Heinen offered several strategies.

“Well, for starters this won’t go to trial. I’m sure we could settle this with Mr. Mathers for… a new iPod mini or something. Young guys like Eminem love iPods and he’s in the music business and everything, so…

“But if it does, I think I might point out to the jury that it’s just a kid in the ad singing the words to his song. Doesn’t Mr. Mathers like kids? What’s he got against kids? Why does he not want kids to enjoy his music? You know… that kind of thing.

“I might also try to get him on the stand and try to make him break down. Slowly build up by weaving an intricate spider’s web of evidence and then get right in his face and yell ‘You did kill Loretta Strains, didn’t you! Didn’t you! And then you dumped her body in the theater district because you couldn’t stand to have her looking at you… staring at you with her accusing, dead eyes! Isn’t that right?! Don’t wait for the translation! Answer me!

“I’ve always wanted to do that.”

Despite their currently high work load, Heinen and her staff took the afternoon off to celebrate the 150 law suits milestone at a local bowling alley.