Clearing Up Some Confusion


There seems to be some confusion about the posting here, as the Colonel in comments seemed to think I was saying that there would be no Help Desk this week.

See, today is Thursday – or, specifically for this particular Thursday, “drinkin’ day.” The Help Desk is posted on Fridays.

Now, the confusion probably comes about because posts don’t generally make their way onto the site until around 10:30 PM PST. That’s because our posting system is something akin to the classic board game Mousetrap, where the post must go through a tenously assembled chain of events – an iron burning through a rope, a marble rolling down an incline and activating a system of pulleys that lift a lever that drops a hammer on the toe of a cat who…

Well, you get the idea. But that whole process takes about six hours to complete. And there’s some Bugs Bunny music that goes along with it.

Let’s review how the week goes:

Monday is actually “Moon-day” according to old Norse tradition, and we celebrate it by dancing naked in front of the statue of the god Lunar. Consequently posts will either be short so we can get back to the dance or long and convoluted because we’re typing and dancing at the same time.

Tuesday is “good post” day – it’s when we usually hit our peak and actually post content you might recommend to a friend, loved one or clergyman. Well, probably not a clergyman. But there’s really not much reason to read the rest of the week. It’s all down hill from Tuesday.

Wednesday is free soft taco day. Or you can get soup, a roll and a small soda.

Thursday is usually “list-post” day because we generally run out of ideas by then and are just barely hanging on until Friday when we will be forced – against our will – to write another Help Desk column.

Which we hate, by the way. Ooh, how we hate writing Help Desk columns. Rumors are so much easier to write. With the Help Desk, we actually have to do research and testing and vetting and get out the machine with the two antennae and the electricity arcing in between. And, man, don’t touch your PowerBook if that thing’s going in the room. Zzzap!

Well, anyway, we just wanted to clear that up before we go drinking. I don’t want to be mid-way through my two-olive martini and suddenly have this image of the Colonel or Del or Psyko or jp sitting there hitting refresh over and over again expecting different content.

I don’t need that guilt.

Not after I bilked all that money out of those senior citizens. I’ve got plenty of guilt over that, thank you very much. That’s why I drink. Although, I have to say, it’s a good thing I have that money so I can pay for the drinks.

56 thoughts on “Clearing Up Some Confusion”

  1. “the Colonel or Del or Psyko or jp sitting there hitting refresh over and over again expecting different content.”

    Ya’ll are famous!! Good thing Moltz didn’t mention that you’re either in your underware or naked while hitting that refresh button.

    Oooh. That didn’t sound right.

  2. Much obliged Ahnyer. But, er, is it just you and me in here?

    Hello? HELLO!

    Oh well. Just us. So, um … would you be a mister or MIZ Keester?

  3. Now that the excitement’s over, I’m feeling rather depressed. I have yet to be mentioned in a CARS article.

    When Howard the Talking Dog got a nod, I figured I’d be next.

    But no, just the Colonel, Del, Pysko, and jp.

    Why jp? Just because he’s schizophrenic doesn’t make it right.

  4. Umm, not to disappoint you iBode, but somehow I doubt that feigning MPD (multiple personality disorder) will get you mentioned any sooner…though it wouldn’t be the first time I was completely mistaken about such things.

    Congrats to the Colonel, Del, Psyko, and jp! Though I’m not sure this is such a good thing for Del, though it quite the tour de force. She’s still doing her happy dance from yesterday’s mentioned and I’ve no doubt this’ll push her into a complete terpsichorean frenzy!

  5. It’s like a screw Kallaloo eBay auction! Try and snipe ’em, he he.

    Oh yeah, teenteth and refuse to read the post. hmph!

  6. It’s all downhill from here.

    You’re just barely hanging on until Friday.

    And the electricity is arcing between the antennae.

    Multiple violations. I’d say you’ve already started with the drinking games.

    Here’s your punishment: Free CARS T-shirts to the last 20 posters on the Mega-Post. And a pony for Del.

    Don’t make me come over there. I mean it!

  7. I’m afraid I am the harbinger of bad news. When my husband read Mr. Moltz’s remarks shortly after 04:30 GMT this morning, Friday, 30th September, 2005, he turned bright red, mumbled an expletive and collapsed.

    The family have been summoned as the prognosis is not good. We ask for your thoughts hopefully hastening a recovery.

    Mrs Disgusted Col Retd

  8. My pants congratulate all those mentioned in today’s story.

    I however, feel bitter, upset, and yet somewhat relieved.

    Whatever that means…

    moo

  9. Re: sniping. Not I. I held out for a few minutes trying to let Kallaloo sneak in there. Didn’t work. Apologies.

    Re: Disgusted Col. Ret. Sorry to hear the bad new Mrs. Dis. Col. Ret. Please let the Col. know that if he fails to recover and dies that he will be taken out and shot.

  10. Remarkable that you should exault at the mention of your names. Hey Moltz, how many readers does this (I struggled between the words “tripe” and “nirvanic offering”, you pick!) have? I count twenty different submitters. Albeit 20 sexy, verbose submitters.

  11. It’s called a “Jacob’s Ladder”, by the way. The device that sends the arcs up the antennae, that is.

    You shouldn’t try to use one to charge your iPod. It will void the waranty.

    -jcr

  12. Remarkable that you should exault at the mention of your names. Hey Moltz, how many readers does this (I struggled between the words “tripe” and “nirvanic offering”, you pick!) have? I count twenty different submitters. Albeit 20 sexy, verbose submitters.

  13. Not so fast! You may think that you have been mentioned by Moltz, but how do you know he wasn’t thinking of the ‘time honored tradition’ imposter(s)? Were YOU sitting naked in front of your computer hitting refresh?

  14. YAY I was mentioned Twice in two days and I’m getting a Pony and I’m going to see Serenity tonight!

    This is the best day ever!

    *Del does the extremely happy dance*

    I’m almost to the point where I can say good-bye to the Mega-Post and fully embrace the Giga-Post.

    I’d say more but I have to go hit refresh now.

  15. BTW, I was disappointed Spell Czech didn’t comment on the Jennifer fricking Connelly controversy. Could we have a rulling?

  16. Hey! Where’s the reverence for the Colonel?

    The man is on his death bed!

    I say we all go shoot someone in his honor.

  17. I think that spell czech has a point there about the tshirts (and that in no way is affected by my being in the last 20 Mega-Post’s posts. Posts Posts.

    Postmania

    Postimator

    Postilicious

    Post Mortem.

  18. iBode I am willing to supply 24 iFlames for a 21 iFlame salute.

    (No that isn’t a typo I just figure 3 people will accidentally blow themselves up because they won’t read the instructions first. Though on second though having a giant red button on there that says, “Absolutly under no circumstances push this button” was a bad idea. Everyone pushes the button and then you know… Nuclear Holocast.)

    Ok, I need to go hit refresh now.

  19. Del, I think you should calm down a bit. You seem to be getting too excited about this whole thing. In fact, it might be a good thing if you were to give me one (or both) of your mentions. For your safety of course.

    MARK

  20. Heeeeeyyyyy. It just became clear. Like a bolt of lightening bursting forth upon my…big…unenlightened…uh…pants.

    John Moltz IS Del and/or Psyko and/or jp (he lacks the class requried to be the Colonel). That is why they got mentioned and no one else did. Its all about Moltz!

    Dude, you are SO busted! Wait till word gets out at school. You are so toast.

  21. NO way Psyko I’ll protect my mentions!

    *Del arches her back and puffs up like a ninja kitten*

    You want some punk? you want some? ….oooh look SHINY!

    Nap Time

    *Del curls up and goes to sleep*

    Wait I need to go see Serenity now!!!

    YAY

    (Del leaves remembering to click refresh before she goes.)

  22. No ponies, Spell Czech! They can’t be sent through the mail.

    Sorry, Del.

    Oh, and no free t-shirts, either.

    As a matter of fact, I think Del’s the only one who’s bought one. Where’s the team spirit? Where’s the love?

    Where’s the desire to gain a seat on the giant space ark that will ferry us all to Septimus Prime when the Earth becomes a radiation-soaked mutant playground after the Cyber-Apocalypse?

  23. Thanks for clearing that up. I was really starting to wonder about the Moonday posts. Now I understand.

  24. Ahnyer Keester,

    first,

    “Ya’ll are famous!! Good thing Moltz didn’t mention that you’re either in your underware or naked while hitting that refresh button.”

    This is not completely true,

    While it is true that I often hit my refresh button over and over I almost always have my pants on. Taking them off ruins the time series temperature analysis.

    Second,

    “John Moltz IS Del and/or Psyko and/or jp (he lacks the class requried to be the Colonel)”

    This is also not completely true.

    While Moltz may in fact be Del, Psyco, and/or the Colonel, he is certainly not jp. Only I, jp, am jp, except for the jp that revoked the temperature in my, the real jp’s, pants and the jp that tried to but into the argument between me and the doppleganger #1 jp.

    Also Moltz has class up the ying yang AND coming out his wazoo. Then again, I am not sure what “requried” means, so you may be right on.

    yours in unusually warm pants,

    jp

  25. I used to complain because I had no pants, until I met someone who had no iPod nano with Jennifer fricking Connelley scratched into the screen.

    On the other hand, I, too, am waiting for the Entity Hoodies(TM) to become available.

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