Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.

Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.

Q: I read yesterday that Microsoft is announcing a new music service and I’m a little concerned.
A: Big whoop.
Q: Well, yeah, but it’s a music rental model, like Napster.
A: Total big whoop. Music rental models chew chunks. Who cares about one more company that doesn’t get it and thinks people want to keep paying for their music forever?
Q: Well, that’s certainly true. But my concern is that as all these second-rate music rental services keep cropping up, they’ll create some steam. Crappy steam, but steam.
A: So, your fear is that five or six companies implementing a crappy business model isn’t enough to sway people from using the one good one but, say, twenty companies implementing a crappy business model just might be.
Q: That’s right.
A: Well, I don’t think that’s really a problem. I mean, what usually happens is that the one good one is the one that survives and ends up owning the market.
Q: …
A: Um… well…
Q: You’re joking, right?
A: Well, I… I…
Q: …
A: Just because it hasn’t happened doesn’t mean it couldn’t, you know.

A: Oh, no…
A: Do we have go through this again?
A: Stop it. Bob… just stop it.
Q: Look, this is a perfectly acceptable profession. Just because you don’t like mass email marketing does not mean that you have the right to question how I make a living.
A: Bob, you don’t send out spam emails. You just call me every few days and rattle off this crap. You’ve been unemployed for 18 months.
Q: And, and, consequently I have a lot of time on my hands.
A: Bob, you need to move out of your parents’ basement.
Q: But I have a mini fridge and everything…

Q: Is there going to be any sexual innuendo in this Help Desk?
A: What?
Q: Well, I’ve read the previous two questions and I’m starting to think there isn’t going to be any sexual innuendo.
A: There isn’t sexual innuendo every week you know.
Q: I know. The weeks it sucks it doesn’t have sexual innuendo.
A: Look, not everything is about sexual innuendo.
Q: No. No. You’re right about that. Everything is about sex but I don’t suspect you’re actually ever going to have people humping on the Help Desk I will just have to take what I can get!
A: Well, you’ve taken up the last question so unless you’re going to provide the sexual innuendo yourself, I think you’re out of luck.
Q: No! No! That’s no good!
A: Why?
Q: I’m… I’m just not sexy!
A: I’d imagine you’re not very good at making innuendo, either.
Q: I’m not!
A: Well… maybe next week.
Q: Pff. I’ve got a closet full of your promises!
A: No, you don’t.