Month: April 2007

Devastating Virus Hits iPod.

Devastating news hit Apple fans late last week as a virus slammed the iPod.

The ultimate impact of this killer virus – which requires the iPod to be running Linux and has to be installed manually by the user and possibly infects the iPod with pictures of unicorns and puppies – has yet to be determined. But it is just one disturbing example of how Apple’s products are under a siege that the company seems unable to turn back.

In addition to the killer iPod virus of death, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that these other problems currently afflict Apple products.

  • One dude’s Performa won’t do screen resolutions higher than 640X480 on Yellow Dog Linux, making it really hard to look at porn.
  • LC IIs running OS 7.1 are highly susceptible to repeated failure to meet reserve on eBay.
  • In certain configurations from the Apple Store, the 8-Core Mac Pro will be so expensive it will literally make you puke.
  • If you have a wood-paneled iMac, carpenter ants may want to chew into it. You know… if you have a… wood-paneled iMac.
  • Beating a MacBook with a rock may void your warranty – and nowhere does it say that in big letters on the MacBook!
  • The Apple TV doesn’t do HD. That’s gotta be a bug, right?
  • Some Macs have been infected with Windows which has many viruses and, more importantly, just generally sucks.

To date, Apple has not satisfactorily explained how it will address these issues or the killer death virus of doom for death to iPods.

And On The 92nd Day He Rested…

As you may know, yesterday was April Fools Day which is my people’s holy day.

I fasted for much of it – sustaining myself by spraying seltzer into my face periodically – and then, as the sun set, took in a light repast consisting of unleveaned insoles from the discarded shoes of Jennifer fricking Connelly and cheese from an evil goat.

Have you tried the evil goat cheese? It really is delicious.

As the stars came out, we regaled each other with the writings of Rob Enderle and then drank fortified malt liquor long into the night.

Which pretty much knocked me on my ass as all I had to eat all day was insoles and cheese.

But, for those of you who don’t understand my faith, yesterday just kicked off the Festival of the Shaving Cream Pies which will run all week culminating in the Night Of Awkward Nudity in which…

Well, that’s actually kind of just like it sounds.

So, anyway, we’ll be off all week for this Holiest of Holies. Perhaps you ‘ll find a way to make it through without us. But before we go, we won’t leave you in the lurch. Here’s our analysis of the Apple/EMI deal to deliver DRM-free music:

Uh… it’s good.

See you next week.