Apple Shares Scandal Embroils Crazy Apple Rumors!


Shockwaves went through the Apple rumors world today as Crazy Apple Rumors Site Editor In Chief John Moltz was caught up in a conflict of interest scandal revealed during his appearance on last night’s Karel Show.

When the show’s host indicated that he was required by FCC regulations to divest all of his Apple stock in order to cover the company regularly on the radio, Moltz admitted that he has held Apple stock for years.

According to records obtained by the Securities and Exchange Commission, Moltz received one share of Apple stock as a gift in December of 2001, when the company’s stock was hovering around $21.

The company’s stock has since split and risen to $53.61, netting Moltz a tidy profit of $86.22, all while he built a publishing empire around what most assumed was unbiased coverage of Apple.

The SEC has declined to look into the incident, claiming it does not meet its threshold for materiality. But several sources within Crazy Apple Rumors Site indicated that Moltz has Wall Street connections that may have intervened on his behalf.

Confronted outside his home, Moltz was defiant.

“I believe these accusations are baseless and are part of a smear campaign perpetrated by other rumor sites,” Moltz said “Those ThinkSecret people have always hated me. And, you know, I don’t even think ‘Nick de Plume’ is even his real name, so I guess we don’t even know how many shares of Apple he has.”

Moltz claimed it was laughable to think that his financial stake in the company could have swayed his coverage.

“I never once wrote a favorable story about Apple that was not backed up by fact,” he claimed.

“Except for that whole year I was trying to get them to send me a free Cinema Display and I wrote that series linking owning Apple products to the ability to maintain longer, more lustrous erections. That I made up. But that was totally about the Cinema Display, not the stock.

“And even that didn’t work so.. heh… yeah. See, I’m startlingly ineffective.”

While Moltz disparaged the notion that he could influence Apple’s stock price, Mac OS Rumors’ Ryan Meader once drove down Apple’s stock by as much as $3 per share when he incorrectly claimed the company would turn Infinite Loop into a water flume ride, which would have negatively impacted productivity.

Pressed on the impropriety of his actions and asked if he shouldn’t divest himself of his Apple shares and, as a sign of good faith, his original printing of the first twelve issues of the Sandman, Moltz abruptly ended the interview.

“Get that camera out of my face!” Moltz snapped at staff photographer, Howard. “Bad dog! Bad dog!”

Tensions also later boiled over at the CARS staff room, the cafeteria, and at the Entity’s afternoon hot tub session, which today featured guests Jessica Alba and cellist Yo-Yo Ma.

37 thoughts on “Apple Shares Scandal Embroils Crazy Apple Rumors!”

  10. John, John, John…. tsk tsk tsk…

    Taking out your frustrations on Howard?!?

    Is there, perhaps, something ELSE bothering you.

    Something a bit more… personal? Just let it out… We’re all friends here.

    *stifles laugh*

    Just let it ALL out John.

    We can take it.

    moo

  12. Damn! I forgot to make a comment about my pants!

    Um….

    My pants are now ignoring me…

    Great.

    moo

  13. John,

    You are very lucky you are not in the UK. If you steal money, banged up for a very long time. Practise sexual acts with children, banged up for a very long time and subjected to attacks by fellow prisoners. Murder, banged up for some time and congratulated by fellow prisoners. Shout at a dog or strike it, Spanish Inquisition.

    That’s why we have a NATIONAL Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children but a ROYAL Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. Saudi Arabia could be worse, they amputate hands for stealing. What would they have amputated following your Cinema Display scam?

  15. Death to fox hunting!

    Viva Yo-yo Ma and ZZ Top!

    Duncan should sponsor “The Up, Down, ‘Round and ‘Round Yo-yo Top Tour.” I’d go, in exchange for some Apple stock.

  16. lus·trous P Pronunciation Key (lstrs)

    adj.

    Having a sheen or glow.

    Gleaming with or as if with brilliant light; radiant. See Synonyms at bright.

    lustrous

    adj 1: made smooth and bright by or as if by rubbing; reflecting a sheen or glow; “bright silver candlesticks”; “a burnished brass knocker”;

    What does HE know about burnishing a knocker?

  17. Moltz,

    You’ve let us down again. We backed you for the Supreme Court, yet some unknown woman gets nominated.

    The nomination will probably fail, giving you one last chance. Then it’s a choice between Del and the iFlame or the Colonel and the dawn walk.

    It’s up to you Dude.

  18. Well, since we’re all up on vocabulary all of a sudden, I’d like to call CARS a bunch of narcissists. Yes, that’s right. Narcissists. Whatcha gonna do?

  19. Here’s some vocabulary to share with your co-workers

    Boss – an ornamental knob.

  21. hot tub – sexy weight challenged person

    BTW, could you print the hot tub schedule for next week?

  22. “Well, since we’re all up on vocabulary all of a sudden, I’d like to call CARS a bunch of narcissists. Yes, that’s right. Narcissists. Whatcha gonna do?”

    I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m lookin’ at myself in the mirror, combing my long, lustrous hair.

    What?

    I do SO have hair. And it’s lustrous. And it’s all about ME! ME! ME!

    (And Jessica Alba in a hot tub.)

  23. Doesn’t this article have a “NBC Incendiary Device” feel to anyone else? I looked all over the net and I couldn’t find any mention of this story. I think this whole thing was staged for ratings.

    Who would believe that Moltz (or anyone else for that matter) could call Howard bad. This is all an act! I come to this site for legitimate new and rumors not this make believe farce to drive up ratings.

    Also speaking of Sandman is anyone in a city where MirrorMask is showing? If so is it good?

  25. Jack Miller of “As the Apple Turns” always commented on his Apple Stock, do you think the IRS got him???

  26. You know Moltz, something you said has been bothering me. Check out this quote from the article:

    “I never once wrote a favorable story about Apple that was not backed up by fact.”

    When have you ever even written a “favorable story about Apple” period? Not just a backed up one, but one at all. They always seem to undermine Apple in one way or another.

    MARK

  27. Psyko,

    I would like to agree with you but unfortunately cannot, as I have a Moltz brain transplant, cauterised with an iFlame. This renders me likely to fly into a rage and kill anyone who dis Mr Moltz.

    We know where you live.

  28. Nxxx, hate to break it to you, but your threats are worthless. I’m not named Psyko for nothing.

    MARK

  32. Ummm…

    …sigh…

    …well…

    …hmmmm…

    Moltz is okay. We shared a room at the…uh…halfway house down at 12th and Vine.

    Yeah, he told me then he’d be rich some day from manipulating Apple’s stock with a completely credible rumor website.

    Of course, in group he would deny it. I kept telling them that Apple stock would skyrocket if Moltz were to be let loose. And I guess I was right.

    And here all those punits say it was Steve Jobs…

    They’re all on Thorazine. A hit of which will cost you about 1/10th of a share of Apple stock after the split.

  33. I inspired a CARS article!

    Go and look at the last one, where Moltz announces his appearance on the radio show.

    Something seemed to have gone wrong on the show, but no one would say what.

    Clearly, at the bottom, I told Chet to let us know. And he did!

    I HAVE POWER!!!!!!

  36. Notice how Moltz hasn’t posted at all on this article.

    Now what would really stir up rumors (ha – rumors about a rumor site) is if he disappeared from the staff page.

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