After yesterday’s story which mentioned a Mac OS Rumors report that Apple would be converting One Infinite Loop into a water flume ride, Crazy Apple Rumors Site was inundated with emails from Apple employees detailing the company’s true plans for the legendary drive.
According to sources, the circle around the main part of Apple’s campus will not be turned in to a water flume as MOSR reported, but instead will be used as a go-kart track.
Analysts are concerned, however, that the net effect may be the same.
“While we understand the company wants to create a pleasant work environment for its employees,” Lehman Brothers’ Daniel Niles said, “We believe the lure of go-karts will prove tragically compelling, thereby sapping the company of productivity.
“The roar of the engine… the smell of gasoline… the thrill of travelling at speed up to 15 miles an hour… these shall be as the sirens’ call to Apple employees.”
There is also a lesser concern about how people will actually be able to drive up to Apple if its main thoroughfare is dedicated to small-engine amusement vehicles.
The company is standing by its decision, however, and is expected to launch its fleet of go-karts at a media event on the campus on October 12th. The event is designed to be a showcase of how great it is to work at Apple, kicking off a hiring binge by the company to help stoke the mighty furnace that drives the iPod division’s sales.
Sadly, that’s not a metaphor. Those who follow the company have long wondered how it went from underdog computer maker to consumer electronics monopoly. That can now be answered with two words: human sacrifice. The company routinely places live employees into a giant furnace dedicated to the dark forces of the underworld. Not surprisingly, iPod sales were up 279% from 2003 to 2004.
Also not surprisingly, the company declined to comment for this story.