Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.
Q: I have a MacBook that has some very sensitive information on it. I’m concerned about what would happen if were to be cornered by thieves, ne’er-do-wells, scallawags… you know.
A: Uh… I… guess…
Q: Yeah. Well, so, my question is, should the need ever arise, are there any parts of the Mac that are edible?
Q: Yeah. In case I have to limit my damage.
A: Well, actually, the entire thing is edible.
Q: Oh. Wow. Really?
A: Sure. The problem really gets down to what wine to pick.
Q: What wine? I’m going to be in a dark alley somewhere surrounded by blackguards and I’m supposed to open a bottle of wine?
A: Dude, you’re eating a Mac. It’s not like you can just crack open a Bud Lite.
Q: I suppose not.
A: Now, which color MacBook did you buy? I recommend a Chardonnay for the white one and maybe a Chianti for the black…
Q: What did you just tell that guy? That the MacBook is edible? That’s insane. No one can digest a MacBook.
A: What? Are you sure? I’m pretty sure I read that on Apple’s support forum.
Q: No. Absolutely absurd.
Q: Now, iPods, those’ll pass right through you.
A: Well, that I know from first-hand experience. I’ve been eating those suckers like candy.
Q: Me, too! I can’t wait to try that new iPod! Mmm, those look tasty!
A: Like a little after-dinner mint.
Q: Hey, I just ate a pre-release Zune… uhn…
A: Oh, no. You shouldn’t have done that.
Q: I know that now! What am I supposed to do?! I haven’t felt like this since I ate at KFC that time… uhhh… my colon…
A: Do you have any ipecac?
Q: Uh… no.
A: It’s OK, you can make some. You’ll need an old AOL floppy, a copy of Word 6.0 and some cream of tartar…