14 Oct 03Are You Ready For… 5?


Next week, Crazy Apple Rumors Site and its parent company, Giant Squid Productions LLC, will present an event unlike any seen before on a Macintosh rumors site (with the possible exception of As The Apple Turns).

“STUNNING!” – raves MacWorld

“A WORK OF STAGGERING DEPTH!” – effuses MacAddict

“THAT ONE SCENE WITH THE THING THAT DID THAT THING TO THE OTHER THINGS WAS WAY COOL.” – lauds Kenny down at the Gas-N-Sip

“MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS STUCK.” – says David Pogue

5.

Never before has a Macintosh rumors site devoted five days to a dramatic event of such epic proportions! Thrill to the dynamic action of Phil Schiller!

PHIL SCHILLER: Take that, Michael Dell!

MICHAEL DELL: OOOF! OH! Right in the nads! Oh, man, that smarts!

Feel the heat of romance!

CHET MACGRUDER: Honey, does this look like a rash to you?

EMILY LEWIS: What? No. That’s mustard.

CHET MACGRUDER: Aw, shoot. I sat on my sandwich again.

Let your heart soar to the human spectacle!

DR. EMILIO LACROIX: I have some bad news, Howard. I’m afraid you’ll never play the piano again.

HOWARD: That’s what you say! But, God as my witness, I will play the piano again, Dr. LaCroix!

DR. EMILIO LACROIX: Well, whatever you say. But I don’t see how you could possibly have played it in the first place. You don’t have any thumbs and your hind legs can’t reach the pedals.

Yes, 5 will shake the very foundations of the Macintosh web community!

JOHN MOLTZ: You know, that Jef Raskin guy is kind of a jerk.

ALBERT MCMURRY: Oh, totally.

Don’t miss… 5. Or you’ll be… like… totally lost when your coworkers start talking about it the next day. You’ll be like, “What? What?” And they’ll be like “Dude, don’t even tell me you missed 5.”

Starring:

Phil Schiller, Steve Jobs, Avie Tevanian, Nancy Heinen, Jon Rubinstein, Fred Anderson, the guy they got from the Gap, Sina Tamaddon, some… some other Apple executives… like “Blinky” and “Uncle Buck”… I forget their real names, John Moltz, Albert McMurry, Chet MacGruder, The Entity, Howard the Talking Dog, Masako Yamamoto, Scooter, Ugluk, Michael Dell, three pounds of thinly sliced ham, the late Bob Hope, Apple’s friend Gary, Spec the technology imp, Gorto the evil clown god, and some surprise guests that will delight an amuse you!

5 can be seen only on Crazy Apple Rumors Site.

And our cable affiliate, Crazy Apple Rumors FX, where it’ll be playing pretty much 24 hours a day.

COMING NEXT WEEK!

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