In a shocking turn of events that has marred Omar Fever for many, Apple has added a required field to its product registration process asking people to choose between newcomer technology spokesman Omar Wasow and perennial favorite Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller.
“Oh, mark my words,” Schiller said. “Omar is going down. I gave him some leeway in the beginning because that’s the kind of guy I am. Little did I know he was trying to turn people within the company against me.
“Like Carl in accounting. And… um… I think that guy… Larry. I don’t know where he works. And crazy Dave.
“Uh… and, um… then there was Automatic Steve. Lucky Charlie. The Rickster. Stan the man. Couple of other guys.”
Loudly cracking his knuckles, Schiller concluded “At any rate, it’s time to take out the trash. He’s about to feel the power of… Schillermania.”
But the man dubbed Silicon Alley’s Philosopher Prince has vowed to not go quietly into the night.
“I want to keep this a clean competition,” Omar said, “Because I respect Phil and the opportunity he gave me.
“But I just think it’s very sad that a Canadian, a foreigner, can enjoy so much success in the United States at the expense of American workers.”
Informed that Schiller is not, in fact, Canadian, Omar responded “Oh. Well… Huh. Are you sure? Because… I dunno… he just seems Canadian, you know?
“Anyway, if Phil thinks he’s coming to my birthday party, he’s very sadly mistaken.”
Taking a moment to consider the severity of his edict, Omar relented. “No, that’s mean. He can come.
“But no cake. A guy doesn’t go around saying that my hair is just a wig and then get cake at my birthday party.”
Las Vegas book makers have Schiller as the odds-on favorite over Omar by a hefty margin of 7 to 1.