15 Mar 04Welcome to CARS 2.0!

Yeah, finally! But, let me tell you, poor Masako’s exhausted and we’ve given her the rest of the week off. For some reason you refuses to cut and paste anything so she had to code each page one character at a time. She’s just weird that way.

Anyway, take a look around! Kick the tires! Take ‘er for a spin! Leave some comments! Have a complimentary breath mint!

If you linked over from MacSurfer, take a look at the main page. Well… go on. Do it. Masako didn’t code her fingers to the bone so you could just load the page and move on, you know.

And if you’ll be so kind as to check out the store, you’ll see we have all new logo merchandise!

Would it kill ya to buy something? I mean… would it?

No, really, I want to know, because someone idly mentioned one time that someone choked to death on some of the plastic wrapping. So, if it would kill you to buy some of our merchandise, we’d like to know. We’re very concerned about product safety. So much so that every item in our store is pre-tested on harmless woodland animals.

Some people claim it’s cruel for us to make little rabbits wear CARS-branded boxers, but the bunnies really seem to like them.

A word of warning, not all of the stories have been copied over to the new pages because, well, let’s face it, a lot of them were crap. I mean… blah, blah, blah… iMac… blah, blah, blah… boobies… blah, blah, blah… Schiller… blah, blah, blah… sexbots.

And then the occasional diatribe about the inherent nihilism of early 21st century culture and its pervasive impact on politics and the state of human interaction.

Anyway, if you can’t find one you’re looking for, you can get to the old master page here.

But, you know, working on CARS 2.0 with Masako and Chet and Howard and Ugluk and the Entity and all the hot, hot, young CARS interns with their young supple bodies and the crazy, crazy things they can do with them… well, it’s taught me something.

It’s not about the glitz of a new web template or the ability to leave comments or the new logo merchandise or the close, personal relationship with numerous Apple executives I’ve developed over the last two years or even the hot, steamy sex with CARS groupies.

It’s about the love. It’s about the love we have for Apple, the Macintosh platform and the Mac community.

It’s really beautiful.

Ha-ha! Nah, I’m just kidding! It’s totally about the hot, steamy groupie sex.

– John Moltz, Editor-in-Chief

No Responses to “Welcome to CARS 2.0!”

  1. doggo says:

    Whew! Now I no longer have to stalk Mr. Moltz via email. Now whenever CARS is brilliant (and when isn’t it?), I can just say so in the comments. The gray, gray, comments.

  2. Talix says:

    I think the new design is very nice, except I too preferred the old way of having the full text of all the articles on the front page (I’d rather see fewer old articles, since I’m a fanatical, I mean regular, reader); right now I have to read the title of the second-most-recent entry, and then attempt to cast back into the abyssal sieve that is my memory to remember if I’ve read it or not (wouldn’t want to miss a single one!).

    Other than that, beautiful, I think it’s very elegant. And yes, that’s a complete contradiction with the content of the site, but that’s ok – seriousness and beauty are not necessarily always linked. 😉

  3. Aaron says:

    It occurs to me that sexbots should run on a version of OS X called “Kitten.”

  4. Tim Knight says:

    How did the entity bribe Masako into having his face as the logo?

    er… that IS his face isn’t it? Not knowing what beings from parallel dimensions look like, I surely hope it’s his face. How do you know that he’s not having a laugh, and bearing his backside?

  5. Aaron says:

    Grey has been disposed of! Mustard! We have achieved Mustard!

    Mmm, mustard…

  6. lint says:

    moltz! YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK, my life once again is worth living. Maybe a little yes yellowish background color, but hey I’m happy I shouldn’t even say anything.


  7. Aaron says:

    Can we get ketchup next?

    I think this could be a whole new series of iMac colors, or iPod colors, or something. Mustard, Ketchup, Salsa Verde, Tabasco, Soy Sauce…

  8. OK, the only thing I need you to do for me here is separate the comments from one another. What am I, OmniPage 14 with improved OCR data capture? Other than that, keep ’em laffin’!

  9. Can somebody tell me where the mens room is?

  10. Andrew says:


    It’s not soo bad… I just need to get used to the pink… really…

    As My Old Teacher would make me say, “So There”

  11. Zzuzzy says:

    ugluk, fuck me baby.. masakosucks butt

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