30 Mar 04Apple on WWDC: The First Three Rows Will Get Wet!


Today Apple announced to those planning on attending the Worldwide Developer’s Conference in June that “The first three rows will get wet!”

Fearful attendees were only left to imagine what Apple’s cryptic message could mean.

“They’re not talking about Gallagher are they?” asked NetNewsWire developer Brent Simmons. “Oh, dear god, I hope not. I don’t think I could take that kind of agony.”

Disturbingly, prop comic Gallagher does have a history with the technology industry, having appeared at 1993’s COMDEX

“I was planning on covering it,” said the San Jose Mercury News’ Dan Gillmor. “Now I’m not so sure.”

As panic began to spread throughout the Macintosh community, Shawn King, host of Your Mac Life, urged “Everyone needs to calm down.

“The press release doesn’t say anything about Gallagher. It could be Shamu or trained seals or some crap like that for all we know.

“This is just typical of the Mac community assuming it’s the worst possible outcome,” King opined.

Long-time Apple follower Andy Ihnatko agreed with King. “There are several other perfectly rational explanations that are just lame, as opposed to critically lame. There’s no need to go nuclear.”

Apple’s press release does not indicate whether attendees should bring their own ponchos or if, perhaps, special Apple logo ponchos would be handed out at the door.

In what can only be seen as an encouraging sign, many have speculated that Gallagher himself may not want to appear at the WWDC, as it might divert attention from his 2004 Presidential bid.

No Responses to “Apple on WWDC: The First Three Rows Will Get Wet!”

  1. McMike says:

    First. Bwahhahahahahahahaha

    I’m oddly damp now, though. i wonder why.

  2. Aaron says:

    Is CARS going to be watermelon-colored now?

  3. daddy_b says:

    These crazy analysts, diving onto the first irrational explanation like it were a live grenade — how wacky!

    Obviously, the WWDC plans to have a wet t-shirt contest, featuring the “Schiller Groupie Girls”.

    I mean, Duh. What else could it be?

  4. Lucien says:

    I’m getting my poncho ready now. 🙂

  5. Marburg says:

    As it is summer time, and the stage it hot, maybe Steve will bring LOTS of bottle water, and as a precaution, suggest that the first 3 rows should be ready for anything.

  6. Marburg says:

    As it is summer time, and the stage it hot, maybe Steve will bring LOTS of bottle water, and as a precaution, suggest that the first 3 rows should be ready for anything.

  7. Marburg says:

    As it is summer time, and the stage it hot, maybe Steve will bring LOTS of bottle water, and as a precaution, suggest that the first 3 rows should be ready for anything.

  8. Benji says:

    Maybe they haven’t found a way to keep the water cooling to stay IN the G5’s yet…

  9. Shawn King says:

    LMAO And, the best part is, that’s *exactly* what I would have said! 🙂

    Proving once again CARS is the single funniest place on the Mac Web!

  10. Jerry says:

    Or could it be… Ballmer?

    Nah. That’s too horrible to contemplate.

  11. Citizen Of Trantor says:

    The iProp…

    Apple helps you become a prop comic.

    The country will be overrun with amateur prop comics.

    The horror… the horror…

  12. me me me me says:

    nah, can’t be because of summertime.

    San Francisco sucks in the summer.

    Although, living her in SF I really enjoy watching all the tourists wandering around in the fog with their shorts and t-shirts…shivering. All becuase if the “Oh it’s California, it’s all pleasent and mild, good weather.” *

    HA HA HA suckers

    Summer in SF is the time where my heating bill sky rockets. (^$%*&$%^* PG%E)

    For those of you interested in nice warm summer days in SF, try March, or maybe September.

    *On the other hand if you drive 5 miles in any direction except west the temperature does get nice and warm.

  13. First Post says:

    Jan

  14. M Paquette says:

    So, they heard about my presentations, eh?

  15. MICHAEL EISNER says:

    cars is funnier that pvt, but the comments on pvt are funnier.

    Like no one here mentions units or other naughty bits.

  16. Tulse says:

    The release just says “wet”. It doesn’t say anything about water.

    Maybe this is related to the much-rumored iPorn?

  17. Joe says:

    YAY!

    iPorn!

  18. Joe says:

    That would kinda go with the iPod massage from the last Help Desk…

    Kinda

  19. Anonymous says:

    BLUE MAN GROUP

  20. marburg says:

    Like I said, it’s hot on stage, and you are correct. Anywhere but in the city it is hot. (I am from the bay area.)

  21. Adam says:

    Steve is apparently introducing iFireHose! For a new way of dealing with annoying Windoze users! And he’s going to try it out on his good ol’ friend Bill Gates

  22. Rev. Sun Myung Moon says:

    I is misprint. I will be appearing and the first three rows will be wed.

    Sun

  23. Billy Mays says:

    One word:

    GWAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  24. senator says:

    Warm summer days in March in SF?! What’re ya smoking? I can state definitively, as a former SF Bike Messenger, that the weather in March is neither summery nor lovely

  25. Spunkmeyer says:

    Maybe it’s Blue Man Group. They can be messy too. That would be fun.

    /saw ’em in Vegas last year

  26. Agua says:

    Who says it will be water? What if it’s italian dressing or or or terpentine! Yeah baby, terpentine time!

    Better yet, What’s the word!

    Thunderbird!!!!!!!!!!

  27. Cowicide says:

    It’s already served its purpose whatever it is… gotcha’ reading about Apple.

  28. Sunisa says:

    Wet? Aqua? They trow aqua away and we get metal back?

  29. Aaron says:

    senator, you must have missed the weather two weeks ago — it was definitely warm and summery.

  30. Anonymous says:

    It could be a number of things.

    Maybe apple is going to show us a waterproof laptop, or a waterproof ipod (both would sell really well).

    Maybe they are going to demo some new liquid cooling strategy, and use water to help people get it. get it?

    I’m sure there are lots of other reasons you could get wet in the first three rows, from new software and demos to so many other things… like their new software package called Gallagher… lol.

    smile

  31. MICHAEL EISNER says:

    weareallfoolsandcarsandpvtarethesamepersons

  32. Javier Lopez says:

    Hmm.. water cooled G5’s running at 3Ghz… The OS is Aqua… now the hardware is also getting aquafied!!

  33. MuchoCheeto says:

    Hmm.. water cooled G5’s running at 3Ghz… The OS is Aqua… now the hardware is also getting aquafied!!

  34. Pepito Quinonez says:

    Hmm.. water cooled G5’s running at 3Ghz… The OS is Aqua… now the hardware is also getting aquafied!!

  35. Lon Varscsak says:

    Well it doesn’t really matter the first 10 rows are usually reserved for Apple employee’s anyway. 🙂

  36. I’m thinking this is an early April Fools joke… (Leap year… )