Son of Mega-Post


If you enjoyed the Mega-Post, then you’ll love…

SON OF MEGA-POST!

Or, I hope so, because we’re off again next week. Back on Tuesday the 8th.

So, again, please enjoy…

SON OF MEGA-POST!

That’s…

SON OF MEGA-POST!

Ask for it by name. Void where prohibited by law. Use only as directed. Consult a physician if swelling occurs. Operators are standing by.

Ha-ha!

Swelling.

253 thoughts on “Son of Mega-Post”

  1. Brilliant writing, Philo!

    Fantabulous!

    (“Buttwrench.” Oh, that’s pretty good. NO, the WORD, DAMMIT! I meant THE WORD is GOOD!)

  2. So… what kind of… “applications” would a tool known as the… “buttwrench” have exactly?

    …nut of mega-post…

  3. uh, anyone there?

    I just have one question….0

    I just got back from…uh…visiting…the CARS office. And..yes..the staff…appears.. to be absent, but are those really sexbots? I mean real women couldnÂ’t actually do THAT could they? Well maybe with stretching, training, oil…

    But sexbots…just….machines….so…why? Why alone?

    Practice? Programming!!!!?

    I think IÂ’m normal…male…maybe a little old fashioned…..but …..

    Is that normal behavior today for…um…computers? I now actually feel guilty touching my keyboard now….

    I MEAN REALLY….FOR CRYING OUT LOAD…THOSE ARE ENDANGERED ANIMALS!!!!!!!!

    mumble….mumble…mumble…………

    Damn Son of MegaPost….

  5. Fannygrinder? Oooh er, two different uses depending on which side of the Atlantic you live.

  6. I stop providing insane rants about heretics in every corner, leading mobs of crazed citizens on witchhunts, and threatening to light everything and anything ablaze, and THIS is what happens???

    I’m so proud I could cry. Except I don’t do that because I just pour out a little gasoline and light it on fire instead of wasting tears. The wretched infighting here is superb, and quite phenomenal really. We’ve divided up into three camps, those who are pro-Mega Post, those who are pro-Son of Mega Post, and those who I will be burning to a crisp afterwards for speaking heresy. Some people from the first two camps are in the third camp. Just thought you should know…..

    Also,

    SEXILICIOUS STEVE JOBS JUST ANNOUNCED HE HAS SOLICITED SEX FROM BILL GATES WHO IS SUFFERING FROM A HEAD WOUND INFLICTED BY CRAZED MUTANT CATS ARMED WITH TABLET PCs AND HE WAS INSPIRED TO CREATE THE SBPS, Sexbot Personality Store, WHICH LET’S YOU BUY AND DOWNLOAD DIFFERENT SEXUAL PERSONALITIES FOR YOUR SEXBOT.

    Rumors indicate that the personalities may be shared over a local network, used on up to 3 Sexbots, and a sex session of personalities may be burned up to 10 times. M$ announced that they will be creating their own version of the SBPS that will be included with all versions of Windows XP: Media Center Edition. No word yet on if Dell will produce it’s own, skankier, more disease infested, version of Apple’s Sexbots that will hold more in an attempt to compete with Apple, or if they will just sell Apple’s Sexbots through their store THEN make some robotic whore.

  8. Oh no, not done. Not by a longshot.

    Mwwaaaaahahahahahaha!!! (evil diabolical laughter)

  9. france 4-1?

    based on wednesdays friendly i would not base that on the england squad future performance. AS it was widely stated that the squad were told to be careful as to avoid injury before euro 04.

  10. Hmm, we shall see.

    I still don’t see why we don’t play Ashley Cole in front of Bridge on the left, stick Scholes in the hole in front of Lampard and Gerrard, and swap in Rooney if Owen isn’t firing?

    Ho hum.

    Oh, er . . . and, er, play the Lesbian midget in a sweeping role in front of a four(some) Fembot defense.

    [that should fool ’em…]

    Brother Mugga

    PS: By way of penance for esoteric posting, I promise not to tarnish The Son of Mega-Post with any cricket chat once the Test gets underway tomorrow.

  11. You know, this afternoon whilst designing an important building so magnificent it could only be called a masterpiece, I got bored. So, I decided to traverse the mighty internet ocean of CRAP! and land on the CARS website. This, however, being a disapointment to me when as soon as the page began to unfold before my eyes…BOOM! BIG FAT *#@^’N MEGA-POST AND NO &*@!’N STORY….ALL I WANTED WAS A STORY…AND NOT FROM ANY OF YOU BUGGERS. i wanted a happy story of some crazy apple rumor going around like a wierd plague. i wanted the story from MOLTZITICKLIS, or another. but no…no….no……no……….no story at all.

    *hangs head with a tear*

    scincerely and with great hanging of head

    an architect…of sorts

  14. Next on Mega Post: hurling! Live from Novia Scotia!

    Hairy men and their hairier women! Midgets may be tossed!

    Tossers may become midgets!

    All coming up next, live on the Mega Post.

  17. ummmm. could some one explain what mega post is. i haven’t been here for a while and i missed ALOT of stuff. im guessing mega post is just alot of post (118) now.

  18. mega post is the big 400-something comment post – scroll down main page and look for “We’re off next week” and click comments.

  23. Disclaimer: Do not try expletive-carpentry tool combinations at home unless under direct supervision of a naked cheeze coated lesbian midget.

    Addendum: They all be over in the mega-post.

  24. dear lord….we’re not going to have to do it all again are we?

    *cries*

    maybe with this one we can get to 1000 posts!

    wooooo!

  27. What’s the deal about Masako’s cup size, anyway? I’m sure she drinks her coffee out of a mug just like the rest of us louts.

  28. Theories differ.

    Common knowledge says that she drinks from a normal cup. However, it has been suggested she drinks from Japanese teacups, which hold considerably less. Perhaps the repouring of coffee soothes her nerves.

    An alternative suggestion is she uses a SonOfStarbucks(tm) two-pint cup, imibibing sufficient quantities of coffee that she actually exists on a higher plane of conciousness. There are two supporting facts for this; firstly, that this may be how she stays quite so calm within the brawl that is normally the CARS office, and secondly the fact that she only listens to the Entity.

  29. Latest: New Zealand 33-0 v England

    1403: Richardson mishits a drive straight into the helmet of Strauss at short-leg but there is no chance of a catch.

    1359: Hoggard overpitches to Papps and is driven down the ground for three. He then dishes up some tripe outside the off-stump to Richardson and is driven through the covers for four.

    1355: Papps takes a risky single as he takes on – and beats – Strauss, who races to short mid-on from short-leg.

    1350: Hoggard returns to the attack after Flintoff’s two-over burst. Richardson on-drives for two.

    1348: Harmison conjures up the most pronounced away-swing of the morning as he beats Papps’ outside edge.

    1342: Richardson ducks under a Flintoff short ball but the riser doesn’t lift much and ricochets off the batsman’s shoulder.

    1337: Papps picks up two off Harmison but the shot past point is miscued. The right-hander then edges to Butcher at gully but the ball barely carries as the fielder spills the half-chance.

    1332: England make their first change of the day, replacing Hoggard with Flintoff after just three overs from the former. Richardson sees off a maiden.

    1327: More runs for Papps to the on-side as Hoggard is taken for two through mid-wicket.

    1321: Richardson gets off the mark with a boundary, steering Harmison past the slip cordon and to the vacant third-man area.

    1318: Hoggard strays onto Papps’ pads and is punished in the same way, going for four past square leg.

    1313: Papps clips Harmison off his pads first ball, beating Hoggard – who slips on the wet outfield – for four. He then keeps out a dangerous yorker.

    1310: Hoggard has the new ball in hand as Richardson prepares to take face. The left-hander is very watchful as the local paceman begins with a maiden.

    England: M E Trescothick, A J Strauss, M A Butcher M P Vaughan (Capt), G P Thorpe, A Flintoff, G O Jones, A F Giles, M J Hoggard, M J Saggers, S J Harmison.

    New Zealand: M H W Papps, M H Richardson, S P Fleming (Capt) N J Astle, S B Styris, C S Martin, J D P Oram, C L Cairns B B McCullum, D L Vettori, D R Tuffey.

    Umpires: S A Bucknor, S J A Taufel.

  30. In a press release today, Toshiba has announced that it has managed to successfully increase the capacity of its 1.8-inch hard drives.

    “This is an industry first,” announced Whataloda Tosh, heir to the company. “Our scientists and researchers have successfully increased capacity of our hard drives without increasing the size of the enclosure.”

    Industry analysts appear to be agreed in giving this news a rating of “shocking”. Brett Diamond, storage expert, admitted he had not predicted such advances within the industry. “I don’t know what’s going on”, he admitted. “I’m normally on the ball with these things, but… increasing capacity? I’m not sure anyone could have seen that coming. I mean, it’s at 40 GB now, right? 60 is just crazy! That’s, like, five thousand songs? Or have we got five thousand already?”

    Diamond proceeded to search for a calculator.

    “Lessee… times… equals… that can’t be right. I’ll call you back, okay?”

    Tech pundit Higaro Figaro reacted with surprise at the news, and looked disbelieving when we suggested that Apple had been named as being interested in the drives.

    “Apple? Interested in higher capacity drives? That can’t be right… what would they do with them? Aren’t Toshiba shipping Apple like 300,000 drives a month anyway? Based on the information I have, I can’t really see Apple ordering more…”

    On being told that Macintosh rumor sites are abuzz with speculation that 60GB drives might be used in a larger capacity fourth-generation iPod, Figaro broke into a fit of giggles. “Why on earth do they draw that conclusion? I don’t see Apple doing that. Aren’t they dying anyway?”

    Steve Jobs was unavailable at time of going to press; his secretary informed us he was on his annual Toshiba Press Release Writer hunt.

    “It’s an yearly thing, for him… he always comes back calmer.”

  33. Are the play-by-plays for some Cricket match or something? And may I add…does anyone realy care?

    I mean realy New Englan VS. Zealand right. Who even knew they existed till now… And when did the great USA ever have a Cricket team?

    Weird!

  34. The plan is simple. Wear us down so that we all get sick of posting, and mega posts, cai, first posts, and some people attempts to write funny stories.

    Moltz is trying to break us, so that we get all excited every time he posts a story. “OH MY GOD,” we’ll say, “John posted a story!!!! “. And there will be dancing in the streets, and feasting, and pop-tarts, and much happiness.

    OK, it worked. I CAN”T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

    Let’s stick together and go on strike, no stories, no posts (ok maybe one first post, but that’s it). Let me be the first one not to post on the Mega-post II. Let’s hear from everyone who is with me and refuses to post !!!!!!!

  37. You know this plan is so crazy that it just might work.

    Count me in, I won’t post either ……..

    ……oops!

  38. Ha, Moltz what are you going to do now, since people have stopped posting, you’re screwed. We stuck it to the man!!!! You can’t mess with us, the last 4 posts prove that everyone has stopped posting. So get your ass back here and start writing stories, ’cause we’re done doing your dirty work for you!

    NO POSTS. NO POSTS. NO POSTS. NO POSTS.

  39. Y’know, the whole expletive/tool thing is great, but something else I’m not sure everyone knows about is that for maximum effect you can always add “of doom” to a word.

    For instance, “Behold, the Asshammer of Doom!”

  40. Woops, sorry, didn’t realize we weren’t posting. I’m stopping posting as of now.

    Er… well, now.

    NOW!

  42. Were I still posting, I’d have to say that Joobles ‘of Doom’ suggestion is absolutely *splendid,*, and I plan henceforth to use it with sickening regularity in conversation.

    But – due to my ‘anti-Moltz statement’ non-posting posture – I won’t.

    Brother Mugga

    PS: See? Not a whiff of cricket stuff from me, yeah? Aren’t I good?

    Well *aren’t* I?

    Validate me, Wrenchbollocks (of Doom), validate me!

  43. Me too!

    I refuse to be drawn into their silly games and will not be posting either

  44. All this no posting is fun, we should not do it more often. I’m also very proud of my shiny new SphincterRatchet of DOOM

  45. Rumor is that Apple will only be releasing smaller disks in 4G iPods so people have to choose whihc music to synch a survey found most users were frustrated at having to hit next when on shuffle play because they had made the mistake of ripping their wife’s Britney and Celine Dion CD’s

  46. oops two minutes was all it took for me to break my new rule…. is there a help group for sad people who have so little to do all day is posting to the CAR website?

    …perhaps I should send in my CV ?

  47. OK, I call this post doesn’t count.

    I think this No Post deal is actually working, I can sense Moltz starting to sweat. I think if we all work real hard we can even get the posts down to just 100. In fact I declare this to be a negitive post (of Doom) so the count is like 146 now. 46 more negitve post to go. This could be the anti-Mega post.

    OK, Game on!

  48. man thats too many comments for me to read all of them. but ill try.

    read

    read

    read

    brain overload……

    ouch.

  49. .esrever ni meht tsop ro tnemelpmoc s’2 rieht ekat uoy fi evatagen tnuoc ylno stsoP

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