30 Jun 04Jobs To Fight Rose After WWDC.

According to numerous paper notes being passed in sessions at Apple’s Worldwide Developers Conference, CEO Steve Jobs will fight Konfabulator co-creator Arlo Rose near the swings outside the Moscone Center after the conference concludes.

Jobs and Rose’s disagreement is the result of what many feel is the appropriation of Konfabulator’s functionality in Tiger’s Dashboard.

Rose is also rumored to believe that Jobs smells and he looks funny and he dresses like a dork and is a stupid four-eyes. Jobs, on the other hand, thinks Rose is a loser and the only reason he is whining is that he is a loser who doesn’t know how not to be a loser because he’s such a loser.

Sources at the conference were sketchy on what style of fight it would be, what rules would apply, who would be allowed to throw the first punch or how a winner would be determined.

But already chants of “Fight! Fight! Fight!” could be heard on the exhibition floor and clustered groups of developers, journalists, Apple employees and Mac enthusiasts were talking of little else.

“Oh, man, this is gonna be the best!” said the New York Times’ David Pogue. “Arlo is so gonna kick Steve’s ass!”

Safari developer David Hyatt disagreed, saying “Nuh-uh. No he isn’t. Nuh-uh.”

Jobs has already received unsolicited advice from several Apple executives including Chief Software Technology Officer Avie Tevanian who suggested “going for the nuts.” Jobs, however, claims to be able to beat Rose without resorting to “fighting like a girl. Which is what Arlo is. A girl.”

Rose responded that he is rubber and Jobs is glue, and that insults said by Jobs will bounce off of him, ironically sticking to Jobs instead.

Other notes currently being passed at the conference indicate that attendees think that iPod Marketing Manager Danika Cleary is cute and they wonder if Cleary thinks that they are cute, too.

Sources close to Cleary say, however, that Cleary does not think that attendees are cute and that she can do so much better than them.

36 Responses to “Jobs To Fight Rose After WWDC.”

  1. So what says:

    I don’t even care if I’m first post.

  2. Ambrose Chapel says:

    yeah, well, danika is stuck up anyway

  3. Adaman says:

    Oh yeah, third post!



    Well? Where’s the parade!?!?

  4. someone says:

    Well, I’m not an attendee. So, by the logic of the article’s last sentence, she’s interested in me!

  5. Insider says:

    I once saw Danika in the cafeteria. Our eyes locked for a moment, and then she ran for the pasta bar.

  6. MacStansbury says:

    Never me. I want First Post.

    Then I’ll hang it up on the wall will my first VEVO at As the Apple Turns. That would be sw33t!

    “ph34r my mithril” as seen here:


    And on another note:

    [Rose responded that he is rubber and Jobs is glue, and that insults said by Jobs will bounce off of him, ironically sticking to Jobs instead.]

    That’s the funniest thing the CARS folks have written since….um, well, uh, ever.

    I’m sure talkative today, guess it must be because them Unsanity.com folks have put out the newest version of Labels X, so now I can label my folders to my heart’s content! Yeah!

    See? Wouldn’t that have been a great first post? Arrrrrrrrgggg!!!!!!

  7. Del says:

    You should try their Labels XXX. It is very handy in labeling your porn collection.

  8. EMan says:

    Is it true that Danika is really a sexbot?

  9. greenacres says:

    THAT was a beautiful send-up of the situation! My hat is off to John…never laughed as much at a CARS item…

  10. Unknown says:

    Danika looks like she could really kick some ass too. (Hot, smart and tough but yet still feminine: a lethal combination.) That should be your follow-up story: Cleary to Help Jobs Kick Rose’s Ass, Will Take on Slobbering WWDC Attendees After

  11. batrico says:

    Ummm… isn’t Danika the iChat manager, not iPod?

    Not that it matters. I’ll still do her homework for her. Even if she doesn’t do me under the bleachers like she promised.

    I sure hope she doesn’t turn out to be allergic to me, too, like Nancy Heinen discovered when it was time to do me in the band room after I let her cheat off my typing test. She said it was extremely rare, and she really wanted to do me in the band room like she promised, but she just started sneezing every time I tried to kiss her. Poor girl.

  12. Somebody says:

    > Avie Tevanian who suggested “going for the nuts.”

    Steve doesn’t need that advice. He’s a vegan.

  13. bill gates says:

    that was stupid

    logic now tells me that you are a ass


  14. Abe Linconlogski says:

    Sorry Bill but it’s not “a ass” it’s “an ass”.

    For Example

    Bill Gates is an ass.

    Bill Gates is an asshole.

    Bill Gates is an asswipe.

    Bill Gates is stupid.

    Bill Gates is really annoying son of a ……

    sorry I got carried away there. You get my point though.

  15. Ace Stansbury says:

    Abe, Abe, Abe. You were making your point and then you forgot the “an” in the last line.

    It should read:

    Bill Gates is really an annoying son of a bitch.


    Bill Gates is really an annoying ass.

    Bill Gates is really an annoying asshole.

    Bill Gates is really an annoying asswipe.

    I hope that helped.

  16. greenacres says:

    Does anyone have a picture of Danika we can slobber over?

  17. fuddes says:

    Whenever I look at Danika Cleary, my penis hurts. Is that normal, mommy?

  18. Ahnyer Keester says:

    With writing like this I would SWEAR that you guys are 14-year-old school kids. Really, it is VERY authentic.

    Do you know a kid named Seymour Nutts?

  19. Brother Mugga says:

    Right. Playtime’s over, children.

    Come on – back to lessons.

    Yes, that includes you, Moltz.

    And why do you appear to have a *dog* in school, pray tell?


    PS: No – really. I am. So do what I tell you or I’ll slap you in detention. And then – because that’s naughty – you’ll have to slap me…

    PPS: Okay, Danika may well be a robo-sexbot . . . but did they run out of bits or something? *Man* is she small.

    PPPS: Batrico – I’m *really* hoping that ‘the bleachers’ isn’t an anatomical term.

  20. Huck says:

    If there ever ends up being a filler week or something and, say, you decide to do reruns, remember this post. It fights for the forces of awesome.

    Aaaaand, Arlo’s gonna fuck up Steve Jobs. Seriously, how can some vegan-boy who flies everywhere in his fancy jet take on someone who actually moves his own ass? No contest man, no contest.

  21. Brother Mugga says:

    PPPPPS: Oh my. Just copped Danika ‘handling’ the iSight camera on that video.

    Is that wrong? Really, is it?

  22. UhhhDude says:

    Forget Steve vs. Arlo! I heard Danika’s about to fight Carly Fiorina behind the girl’s gym! Who’s coming with?

  23. the funniest thing the CARS folks have written since

    I disagree heartily. The best CARS ever is this one.

    And if you disagree, you are wrong. Sorry!

  24. Huck says:

    Whoah, she can demo my iSight anytime!

  25. PolishJoke says:

    Danika is, in fact, an iSight Product Line Manager, boys. 😉

  26. John Moltz says:

    From what I see, Danika’s most recent title is iPod Marketing Manager. She was iSight Line Manager last year but has been referred to as iPod Marketing Manager in 2004.

    Please cite your sources.

  27. Sam says:

    Correct. She is indeed the iPod product manager. Hence, the picture of the iPod in her picture in the iChat demo. And also, hence ALL the google hits in her name as the iPod product manager. How do I know of such hits??? One may wonder…

  28. neilg says:

    ok, of the three people in the photo on that link (http://www.stereophile.com/news/010704ces/), which one is normal sized?

  29. MiniMe says:

    Danika had an unfortunate accident during the development of of the iPod Mini and got too close the iPod shrink ray. Thankfully, I was able throw one of the sharks with a laser beam attached to it’s skull in the path of the beam and therefore prevented her from shrinking to nothingness. She was so greatful that…. Oops, I promised her not to tell anyone.

  30. numero tritty-tree says:

    33rd post!!! w00t!

  31. Hrunga Zmuda says:

    Danika is my wife. Did you losers not know this? I am her love maker, her heart breaker, her dream maker…

  32. Anonymous says:

    Hrunga Zmuda, even though you’re last name isn’t the same as Danikas’, and your email address seems to have a german domain.

  33. Anonymous says:

    Danika likes in Germany. i would no. she is haveing an secret affair w/ me