Disturbing news from Cupertino today that vandals broke into the main Apple campus at One Infinite Loop and destroyed the company’s collection of glass poodles.
“Whyyyyyy!” cried a sobbing Senior Vice President of the iPod Division Jon Rubinstein. “Is there a god that would allow such beauty to be destroyed?!”
Many of the poodles were reportedly one-of-a-kind, blown at stands in the Westgate Mall that no longer exist.
“They don’t make these anymore,” said a shell-shocked Senior Vice President of Retail Ron Johnson, holding a poodle leg shard delicately between his thumb and forefinger. “At least not at the Westgate Mall since it went all upscale. Maybe they have them at the Vallco Fashion Park Shopping Center.
“I don’t know. I just don’t know.”
“Who would do such a thing?” asked a visibly agitated Senior Vice President of Applications Sina Tamaddon. “To destroy such beauty… surely these are the worst kinds of barbarians. I can only hope they are caught before they strike again.
“Hummels. Christmas figurines. Nothing is safe from these animals.”
Apple’s glass poodle collection was a prized corporate asset, even though none of them were actually expensive enough to capitalized as assets and were all expensed immediately upon purchase.
“Some of these very poodle pieces you’re stepping on right now were purchased by Steve Wozniak, Mike Markkula, Michael Spindler,” said Johnson.
“You’re walking on Apple history right now,” he added, shaking his head sadly.
“And I wish you wouldn’t. It’s bad enough they were broken, you don’t have to keep stepping on them like that.”
The glass poodles were reportedly insured for several hundred dollars, a fact that brought little solace to the few Apple executives who could bring themselves to witness the carnage.
As Rubinstein was led away in tears, a custodian swept up the pieces for glass recycling.