05 Jan 05Quick Update


I’ve just got a quick minute between forays to let you all know how it’s going.

Our attack against Tentaculous totally took him by surprise! The Entity’s elite force of other entities were all like “HIIIIIII-YAAAAAWWW!” And the lesbian ninjas on loan from Apple were all like “HI-YAI-YAI-YAI-YAI-YAI-YAI!”

Tentaculous, as ever, has been ruthless in his counteroffensive, but always a gracious host. Our encampment overlooking the field of battle is very well appointed. The caterer has been excellent and later I’m getting a foot massage. When this is all over, I must ask him for the recipe for those little puff pastries with the spinach and goat cheese.

Man, I am going to need to go on a diet after this trans-galactic attack!

As for Macworld rumors, well, you’ve all no doubt heard the rumors of a cheap Mac and an Apple Works replacement on the way. Then there’s the flash-based iPod that we’ve all known about for a long time and a Firewire music media device. Also expected to be announced are speed-bumped PowerBooks and iBooks and a wireless media center for your living room.

That’s a lot for one keynote, but it’s not all. Crazy Apple Rumors Site sources indicate that Steve Jobs will also announce he’s got a thing for Swedish nurses (no surprise there, really) shortly before performing the “lady in a box” trick on Senior Vice President of the iPod Division Jon Rubinstein.

Remember, these are reliable sources.

Anyway, we should be able to provide some coverage of the event.

Unless it’s during one of our scheduled outings to the local hot spring or the galactic pie factory.

44 Responses to “Quick Update”

  1. Anonymous says:

    second

  2. UhhhDude says:

    Second… I read the article, dammit.

  3. UhhhDude says:

    Crap. I wrote too much.

  4. Clarus the Dogcow says:

    Moof!

  5. Psyko says:

    Seven! I got seven! Bow to me wonderful subjects of mine! (Yes that means you.)

  6. Invisible Evil Boy's Choir says:

    NURSE! NURSE! NURSE! NURSE!

    NURSE! NURSE! NURSE! NURSE!

    NURSE! NURSE! NURSE! NURSE!

    NURSE! NURSE! NURSE! NURSE!

    NURSE! NURSE! NURSE! NURSE!

    NURSE! NURSE! NURSE! NURSE!

    NURSE! NURSE! NURSE! NURSE!

  7. MacStansbury says:

    again, I’d like to take the opportunity to point out that we’ve never seen Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Moltz, McGruder, CTHULHU, GLAARKU, or Tentaculous in the room at the same time.

    all just one person.

    and I think Huck is really Del, too, but that’s just a guess.

  8. Psyko says:

    You know what is sad? Do you?

    Well, it seems that you don’t so I will tell you. How little appreciated the Son Of Mega-Post was. It had potential.

  9. Psyko says:

    You know what MacStansbury? I don’t understand you name.

  10. Bellidancer says:

    Well, This Galactic Battle Royale is not apparently the desperate, awful battle against a despicably evil monstrosity. Catering! Foot Massages! We have been had!!! John is just taking another vacation.

    We deserve a party!

    Forget the cement patio, let’s take a cue from John and go upscale. The neighbor just had a dozen pallets of pavers delivered. If enough CARS maniacs show up, we could sneak off with the pavers and lay down a great patio with room for Del’s vodka filled hot tub. I’ve got a decent gas BBQ. If everyone brings something to BBQ, I’ll supply the chips and salsa. I would offer the drinks, but Del must have a supplier if she is able to fill that tub. My backyard is fairly isolated so we would be good to go with the sexbots. We do need someone to bring the sexbots.

    Psyko, can you handle the music?

  11. Bellidancer says:

    Hey Invisible Evil Boy’s Choir,

    Are you available for a gig?

    Huh, if you bring you cow, (ready for grilling please) we can tell people to bring desserts instead!

    Psyko, if the Invisible Evil Boy’s Choir is available, would you bring plastic cups instead?

  12. MacStansbury says:

    when I was thinking of a memorable name for my email address, I put Mac in front of my last name. thus…MacStansbury.

    it’s kind of a play on MacWorld, MacCentral, MacNews, Macs-Ahoy. MacStansbury.

    the website came later when I found out how cool the internet was. and I’m desperately lonely, and I want friends.

    since that isn’t going to happen, I thought I’d litter the universe with my posts that had links to my site. I Google-Bombed me.

    that’s about it.

    and about Son of Mega-Post, that thing was awful. NASCAR. I’m serious, it was all about NASCAR. now that Stepson of Mega-Post, that had potential!

  13. Bellidancer says:

    Hey MacStansbury,

    You’re welcome to my patio party. Just promise not to talk about NASCAR.

    ehem…Also…ehem…talking about your aka is just not done. That’s just too personal. Too prone to awkward situtations. Do we really want to know why Psyko is “Psycko” or Greenacres is “Greenacres” or Streetrabbit is “Stre…” oh wait, we do know that one. But still you get my point.

  14. MacStansbury says:

    he, um, or she…(it?) asked. I think. maybe.

    come to think of it, er….um….Psyko didn’t ask. hmm.

    well, I said it, and I’m proud I did. good for me. thank you, me! job well done.

    and about the NASCAR thing, that was what eventually led to the downfall of the SOMP. that, and it was lame. you can actually read about the SOMP’s suckitude in the top-middleish of the Mega-Post.

    wait, you didn’t ask about that, either. well, I’m still glad I said it. and I’m glad I disassociated myself from NASCAR. good for me. thank you, me!

  15. Psyko says:

    Hey Bellidancer, I’ve got the plastic cups covered, except for one slight little problem. I decided that we needed to show John that his ditching us like that is not appreciated and we need to have a even better time. Yeah, you know what that means. I got real crystal cups rather than the plastic ones! BOOYA BABY! Oh, and I also broke into Job’s place and stole a couple dozen of the newest sexbots.

    Don’t worry about the music either, I will have a back-up incase the Invisible Evil Boy’s Choir can’t make it. I feel I have a lot to do to prove myself to you guys.

  16. Psyko says:

    P.S. I finally read the article.

  17. Psyko says:

    Well, since you brought it up Bellidancer, I will tell you why I am Psyko. Psyko just sounded cool when I came up with my alias a while back and stuck. If you visit the G5 part of the Apple Forums you will find me there too, as Psyko. It is just who I am.

    Why is Bellidancer “Bellidancer” and why is Streetrabbit “Streetrabbit?”

    About the SOMP. It did have potential in the blessing of John and its super name.

    Oh, and I am a he and I did ask.

  18. Psyko says:

    Psyko is crazy

    He misses the point of posts

    Yes, I admit it

  19. Tristrami says:

    Just went to MacStansbury’s site. SO MUCH brushed metal….

  20. Huck says:

    Huck not Del!

    — THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT —

  21. John Moltz says:

    Ah, but is Del Huck?

    And vice versa?

    Oh, wait, not vice versa. You covered that.

    Of course, I could look at the IP addresses, but I’m getting my foot massage right now.

    Mmm, a little harder on the arch there, Tenturion, Minion of Tentaculous. I’ve been having trouble with my heel spur.

  22. Streetrabbit says:

    A long time ago in a galaxy far far away…

    No wait, that’s how I learned Darth Vader was my father.

    The name came about, well I only have dream like recollections now, most vivid when I’m in the locker room down at the Y. and the air is pungent with stale, socky, jocky punge.

    I recall a fabulous mansion and a jolly, dancing, rotund Santa like character. The Rolling Stones song Start Me Up also triggers strong memories.

    Yet I don’t know if this is my own past life or just the hallucinatory effect of the methylated spirits and thunderbird wine.

    Maybe one day I’ll find my Daddy Warbucks and return to a life other than that of the street. Who knows?

    I hope that explains everything.

  23. greenacres says:

    “Greenacres is the place to be, farm livin’ is the life for me! Land spreadin’ out so far and wide! Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside!” Oh, wait, TMI…How embarrassing….

    And now, a comment on the story at hand….

    For a minute there, I thought John was on an episode of “In a Fix” since he is enjoying the spa life. The question is, who is wearing the red shirt that says “It’s all my fault”….We all know what a hole they live in what with the Entity re-materializing near walls and leaving holes….

  24. MacStansbury says:

    it’s like a frick’n episode of lost in here.

    LOOK OUT FOR POLAR BEARS!!!!!

  25. greenacres says:

    WHERE!? AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee

  26. Del says:

    Del is NOT Huck!

  27. MacStansbury says:

    wait, ya know, there was that one time in the hot-tub. I did sneak a peek when I was watching TV in the other room. sorry.

  28. Psyko says:

    Did you know that we can’t know for sure if there actually is a disorder where people have multiple egos living in their head? Like people that have a Jon a Sally a Huck a Del all in the same head. We don’t know for sure if they exist. We can’t prove it.

  29. Del says:

    Sweet!! If I don’t exist that means I don’t have to pay taxes. Take that IRS take that stupid Michigan.

  30. Psyko says:

    Wait, are you and Huck the same person then? Either the IRS and Michigan shove it or you are not Huck. Pick one.

  31. Del says:

    I am willing to also be Huck if I don’t have to pay taxes! 🙂

    Now do Huck and I really have to be the same person or can I just think we are. I have a pretty good imagination. I think I can pull if off.

  32. Psyko says:

    I would assume that the IRS and Michigan would probably insist you be one person. I think thinking you are would be fine though, for here at least. Then there is also the problem of Huck though. S/he might insist that you pay some of the bills for him/her sometime.

    So what I think is that you should try to convince Huck that s/he is in fact part of you so you and him/her could split your expenses right down the middle and not worry about Huck’s. Then, you get to pay 50% for everything until the government or bank or something come after Huck.

  33. Del says:

    That sounds like plan! I think Huck is still in college and I just got my student loans paid off not that long ago I don’t want to have to pay his. Of course if he is still in classes he probably doesn’t even have beer money.

    Maybe I need to be the same as someone else. Ok who’s rich and always wanted to be a figment of someones imagination?

  34. Streetrabbit says:

    If you ask me we’re all figments of John’s imagination or at least controlled by him.

  35. Adam Jackson says:

    i love swedish nurses

  36. Psyko says:

    Hey Streetrabit, are you rich?

  37. Leibnitz, N. says:

    Okay, I think I got it:

    Del isn’t Huck, and MacStansbury isn’t Psyko. Streetrabbit might be Dan, but Moltz can’t be Masako because she’s gay, and that would make him hetero, which seems paradoxical, although Sandy might be MacGruder, and if that’s true the Invisible Boy’s Choir could be the Entity, and it’s almost for certain then that Howard is Bill Gates.

    I’m pretty sure this also means that I’m Ozi, which is very confusing.

    I have a flow chart somewhere. It all starts to make sense with a flow chart.

  38. NumGnutz says:

    Hey Bellidancer,

    Don’t let that gas BBQ grill get anywhere near the vodka-filled hot tub, unless you want to immolate the place.

    (I’ve always wented to use the word immolate.)

    First post to mention immolate!

    I RULZ!

  39. Psyko says:

    Leibnitz if it helps you can put me down as not anybody. Not MacStansbury or even Psyko for that matter.

  40. Streetrabbit says:

    Sorry Psyko. I’m a rabbit who lives in a cardboard box behind a strip mall.

    Or at least the human equivalent.

  41. Psyko says:

    Well, that is sad. Why don’t you live in the Mega-Post? It is nicer in there.

    Hey, here is an idea. Why don’t we build you a box out of PowerBooks. Yeah, we will get dead PowerBooks and put them together as a box for you to live in.

  42. Streetrabbit says:

    Powerbooks. Shiny aluminium/titanium kind of like a moon hutch. And lots of buttons to press, doesn’t matter that they don’t work, buttons are important. I could even have a screen as a kind of faux pool. That should impress Del’s switchblade wielding bunny.

    I like it!! Start building.

    Uhmn… Only thing is I tend to get drunk and babble in the Mega-Post.