Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.
Crazy Apple Help Desk – the Noh version!
What is Noh?
If you gotta ask, you can’t afford it.
A: You’re having a problem with…?
A: Um… your… PowerBook?
A: Oh, your iBook!
A: You can’t get it connected to…
A: A closed Airport network!
A: Um, an Ethernet network!
A: Uh, a power outlet!
A: A large wheel of cheddar cheese!
Q: No, no, no! Oh, for crying out loud! I want to install a DVD burner in my Quicksilver! Jeez! You weren’t even close!
A: Oh. Huh. See, I just don’t get Japanese theater.
A: Uh… hello?
A: Oh, I see. You’re going to pantomime it to me, as in the play Dojoji. OK. Fire away.
A: Uh… your countless attempts to upgrade to Tiger without destroying your home directory have failed, bringing shame upon your house and your master?
A: No, huh? OK! OK! I’ve got it! Your Wall Street PowerBook won’t connect to an early model Studio Display, bringing shame upon your house and your master!
A: Dammit! I thought for sure that thing you were doing with your leg… OK. One more try. You’ve got a Mac mini you want to use as a web server but can’t get Apache running consistently on 10.3, bringing shame upon your house and your master!
Q: Ha-ha! No!
A: Ah, shoot!
Q: Yeah, no! It was “downloads of the most recent security update fail to complete on my Blueberry iBook with 10.4 installed, bringing shame upon my house and my master!”
A: Ooooooh, of course! That was the leg thing!
Q: Right! Right! That was “security update”!
A: Sure… ack, it seems so obvious now, you know?
Q: Well, sure, but don’t beat yourself up. This was Kyushu style.
A: Ah, I thought I detected an accent!
Q: Wait a minute, wait a minute. You’ve totally mixed up Noh and Kabuki.
A: What? No I haven’t.
Q: Yes you have! In Noh, the actor moves in such a way to suggest the insubstantiality of his appearance. That’s completely at odds with the last question. And it’s Kabuki plays that commonly revolve around Buddhist notions such as the law of retributive justice and the impermanence of things!
A: N-no it isn’t.
Q: Yes it is! You’ve completely misrepresented the art!
A: Well… so what?
Q: Well, I hadn’t thought of it that way.
A: No. I don’t imagine that you did.