15 Sep 05Technology Industry Concerned About Microsoft.

After the company’s announcement of Gadgets, members of the technology industry expressed their heartfelt concern for the mental state of Microsoft today.

In the introduction of a feature clearly derivative of Dashboard, Konfabulator, or any number of previous iterations of small, easily accessible applications, a blogger for the company asked without deliberate irony “Have you ever wondered how new technologies get developed at Microsoft?”

Many in the technology industry saw this as a clear sign that the company has slipped deep into denial about its own position – that of a scavenging pack of hyenas – in the ecosystem of the industry.

“I’m concerned that the company has been listening to its spin for so long that it’s starting to believe it,” said Oracle CEO Larry Ellison. “Look, we all know that Microsoft just steals crap from Apple and, well, everyone. That’s just the way this works. But don’t lie to us about it.

“It’s not the stealing, Microsoft. It’s the lying.”

Looking down at his feet, Ellison added “I know I haven’t always been there for you. I know I haven’t always been supportive. I just didn’t know it was this bad. I feel terrible. Just terrible.”

Ellison was not alone in reaching out to Microsoft, a company in trouble.

“I think there’s a company out there that needs a hug,” said IBM chairman Samuel Palmisano. “I’m here, Microsoft, when you’re ready to admit you need that hug.

“Except for Monday, when I’m in Singapore.”

Consulting his PDA, Palmisano added “And Tuesday through Friday’s not good, either. I’m in Sydney then Auckland.

“It’s not business, I’m actually following Duran Duran.”

But while the morning featured a litany of technology executives At the end of the day the executives had decided they didn’t really care.

“What?” said Ellison when we called him back at 5 PM. “Microsoft? Desperate call for help? Living in denial? Strung out on the edge of reality?

“Call someone who cares, babe.”

When reached, Palmisano could not be heard over the sounds of “Hungry Like The Wolf” in the background.


When asked about the controversy, Apple CEO Steve Jobs simply nodded and continued eating his falafel.

No Responses to “Technology Industry Concerned About Microsoft.”

  1. OverclockedLemon says:

    Forst pist!

  2. OverclockedLemon says:

    Ooh yeah, you know you like it like that. 😀

    And I read the article before posting, thankyaveramuch.

  3. OverclockedLemon says:

    What, is everyone dead or something? Did I miss the apocolypse? Again?

  4. OverclockedLemon says:

    Damn, it’s apocalypse, isn’t it. Whoops. Egg on my face.

  5. ...House says:

    You’re welcome…. So’d I, and then bothered to think of something to actually say (okay, not much or for long but, you know, fired a couple neurons in the general direction of a post).

    Third! (ish)

  6. nxxx says:

    Totally unbelievable. No one follows Duran Duran.

    And eleventh.

  7. ...House says:

    …or six-ish, whatever.

  8. was the first says:

    should not have read the article first….

  9. OverclockedLemon says:

    Gee, Moltz, you haven’t even fixed the links yet…

  10. OverclockedLemon says:

    Set up!

  11. OverclockedLemon says:

    Aaaand eleventh!

  12. OverclockedLemon says:

    Booya! First and eleventh! Muah ha ha ha.

    and twelfth. And whatever other numbers I got. Yeah.

  13. ...House says:

    People most certainly do follow Duran Duran – I myself prefer a high-powered sniper scope for following them, just before gently squeezing off an explosive round into an pre-amp for a lovely pyrotechnic addition to the show!

  14. ...House says:

    Gee OL,

    Could ya stack those posts any higher?

  15. OverclockedLemon says:

    Actually, I waited to post those last three. And I didn’t consider eleve…

    Aw screw it. Heh. You’re just jealous.

  16. ...House says:

    Of course, now that I’ve gotten my iFlame lessons from Del (over in the Giga-Post), I’m looking forward to enhancing shows with some real pyrotechnics! I’ll have to pick my targets with some care, however. After all, it wouldn’t do much good to set my sights on, say, Boy George if he should make a comeback – he’s already flamin’!

  17. Carl says:

    Actually, it’s fair to say that the real originator of Dashboard is… ACTIVE DESKTOP!!! Microsoft’s own pain in the ass piece of crap. There’s actually not such a big difference between RSS and “channels” (remember those?) or between widgets and desktop items. Well, except htta the new versions are useful. But the technology is basically the same as what existed in IE4.

  18. Streetrabbit says:

    Fictitious quotes from Larry Ellison!?

    OMG UR so in trouble now, that dude’s crazy like a fox!

    Don’t know much about how mad the IBM guy is but you certainly are a big hitter.

  19. Of course, every time the band breaks into “Rio” Steve Jobs smirks, sticks out his tongue and taunts “Nano-nano nano!”

  20. greenacres says:

    Do you think Steve Ballmer listened to ‘Wild Boys’ before he did his famous Monkey dance?

  21. UhhhDude says:

    Oh great. I guess now M$ is gonna do some kinda “Inspector Gadget” tie-in. You busy next month, Matthew Broderick? Microsoft needs to drive your career even further into the ground.

    When I’m hungry like the wolf, it’s just a reflex that I end up in Rio. Wearing that stupid leather jacket.

  22. Ace Deuce says:

    The thing I could never get straight about Duran Duran is which was which? Also, which was Milli and which was Vanilli?

    And the Gabor sisters? Forget it!

  23. I just fired Sean Alexander. Normally I just laugh and go back to counting my money, but that fake blog and the super-ugly WiMP “gadget” is just too shitty for words. I hearby apologize for “MS Gadgets”. Personally, I only use Konfabulator. So, sorry about that. Really, it won’t happen again. Can I get a hug now?

    , , ,

  24. Red Lantern, Dead Battery says:

    In Soviet Russia, Duran Duran follows YOU!

    (Okay, so it’s a slashdot joke. Sue me. I haven’t posted in awhile, and I miss it.)

  25. The Original Slick Willy, Big Bill Gates, said:

    “At any point in our history, we’ve had competitors who were better at doing something,” said Mr. Gates in response to a question about Apple and Google. “Novell was the best at file servers. Lotus was the best at spreadsheets. WordPerfect was the best at word processing.”

    So he kind of admits that they rip stuff off. Maybe Microsoft doesn’t need a hug, maybe Microsoft needs a time out? It sounds like Microsoft is looking for attention and is acting out in inappropriate ways to get it.

  26. steve with a job says:

    Man, cut Microsoft loose. It’s not like it’s a huge company with dubious practices noone trusts. Balmer is a nice chap, what is your problem?

  27. 2000guitars says:

    mmmmmm falafel

  28. “Balmer is a nice chap,”


    You misspelled “ape”!

  29. Del says:

    What about an Intervention for CARS because they took away my Mega-Post.

    *sniff* I misses the it.

  30. Hobbs says:

    Very funny post and funny comments section too! Way to go chaps (apes!?)

  31. Diz Appointed says:

    Hahahahaha!! “Gadgets!” Oh man… that’s the funniest…

    Wait. That’s the “real” part?

    Sheesh. They aren’t even trying to look like they’re not ripping stuff off anymore.

    That’s no fun.

  32. scared monster says:

    Well, I’m so sorry I can’t use M$ Gadgets because I’m on Panther…So bad. I should upgrade to…how’s the name of the cow? Blonghron? Oh, no, they changed it…to er…

  33. gjohn says:

    so does this mean that steve jobs has finished pupating?

  34. iBode says:

    No, Steve Jobs has great enough mental powers that he can create multiple virtual Steves where ever he needs them to be.