28 Sep 05New Shirts!

No post today, as we’re proud to unveil new shirts in the Crazy Apple Rumors Store!

Oh, I know… I can hear you saying…

Oh, sheesh. Shirts. I hope they don’t have the logo on them. Those idiots couldn’t make a decent logo to save their lives.

Why don’t they let the dog make the logo. Pff. Yeah. Stupid dog.

No, that’s mean. I’m not mad at the dog.

I’m mad at my father.


He never loved me…

Well, just take a look, as the new shirts are a distinct improvement over the old shirts.

You can now proudly proclaim to be an Apple Sexbot Beta Tester or a roadie for Schillermania. Proudly display the CARS checklist (thanks, Del!) or – our favorite – let everyone know Phil Schiller has a posse!

So, enjoy! Even if you don’t buy any of them, you louse.

Oh, and, uh, actually, there probably won’t be a post tomorrow, either. Remember a couple of weeks ago when we went out drinking? Well, turns out it was kind of fun so we thought we’d give it a try again.

If you ever think we’re not doing enough for you, just remember that we’re the site that informed you about the iPod with the scratches in the shape of a naked Jennifer fricking Connelly.

You see that on any of the other rumor sites?

Thought not.

No Responses to “New Shirts!”

  1. Boi says:

    New shirts!

    And first post?

  2. flatboy2016 says:


  3. Jenny says:

    Mmmm, this is the most sensual post I’ve ever read! Call me for some more: 867-5309

  4. Anonymous says:

    oh i would keelhaul ya fer that matey

    but that ol salty sea dog jack at ATAT has been missin from port ‘o call fer too long… and then id be left humorless and alone

  5. foo says:

    aahaha, I like how the CARs models are wearing blank shirts instead of the actual products!

  6. Wysz says:

    The reason the sexbots will never leave beta is because none of the engineers will ever admit that the “testing” is complete.

  7. 2000guitars says:

    CARS. The most familly friendly tshirt vendor this side of the Mega-Post!

  8. Huh? says:

    I’m only posting because I feel a moral obligation to.

    And, um…

    That’s not all I’m feeling…


  9. Ace Deuce says:

    CARS should sell Entity Hooded Tops–it’s a good look for you.


  10. vxx says:

    doing a now customary set up….enjoy…..

  11. gingersex says:


  12. Disgusted Col Retd says:


    You are a disgrace and failing in your duty to even threaten not to provide The Friday Help Desk. The sanity of your subscribers depends on your words of wisdom, helping us to overcome and understand the intricacies of the Apple Operating Systems and other products.

    Mr. Moltz, you should be taken outside and shot for dereliction of duty.

    Disgusted Col Retd

  13. Nxxx says:


    Check out the shirts. When you look at the slogans they are there. Now look at the ‘models’, all the slogans disappear. Is this long rumoured iInvisible in beta test action or has Del iFlamed the seriographic stencils?

  14. Eric says:

    Arrgh… You need to offer the checklist shirts in true fat bastard sizes!!!

    Let’s chant together!!!

    3X 3X 3X 3X 3X 3X 3X… or even 4X 4X 4X 4X… but I’m not THAT frigging big so… 3X 3X 3X 3X 3X

  15. UhhhDude says:

    I consider buying something when you make the official CARS Margarita Glass(TM) for sale.

    Maybe some iPimpwear, perhaps?

    An Invisible Evil Boys’ Choir CD?

    Masako T-shirts?

  16. Nxxx says:


    You are soooooo right. I normally wear bell tents. Let’s issue an ultimatum. Unless they produce OUR sizes, we’ll come and sit on them. Or sit and come on them?

  17. Del says:

    Guys you are forgetting the Most Important Thing! ME!

    I got mentioned!

    *Does the I got mentioned Happy Dance*

    Whooooo HOOOOOOoooooooo!

    It almost makes the lack of a Mega-Post go away. (you know I still check it every day.)

    The shirt WILL be mine!

  18. jp says:


    After hours of double and triple-blind testing here are the results:

    – Phil has a Posse shirt makes the temperature in my pants rise 1 degree.

    – CARS Checklist shirt makes the temperature in my pants rise 1.5 degrees.

    – I roadied for schillermania shirt makes the temperature in my pants unexpectedly fall 1 degree.

    – Apple Sexbot Beta Tester shirt makes the temperature in my pants rise an astounding 3 degrees.

    I am afraid of what would happen if CARS made the shirt:

    “My iPod has scratches in the shape of a naked Jennifer fricking Connelly”


    (Note, especially to doppleganger “jp”: — Please do not revoke the temperature in my pants again. That has serious consequences.)

  19. iBode says:

    Hey, Howard the Talking dog finally was mentioned!

    Congrats, Howard!

    I say we host a party for him.

  20. iBode says:

    By the way, the images look Photoshopped onto the shirts.

  21. Psyko says:

    Hehe, they are funny.


  22. Del says:

    I ordered a shirt! YAY

  23. Anonymous says:

    Masako t-shirt. Yea. Masako in a t-shirt. Yea-er.

    I like the Entity hoodies idea. Does it come with unlimited cosmic powers?

  24. “The reason the sexbots will never leave beta is because none of the engineers will ever admit that the “testing” is complete.”

    They just like to make everyone think they are studly by “taking extra long to finish (testing)” Fact is, they finish too quickly and have to waste time to keep up appearances. We’ll never get any now. 🙁

    I keep clicking on “Stickers, Buttons & Magnets” but nothing happens. I am teh suck. Personally, I’m waiting for the CARS codpeice. That will RULE!!!!!1!!

  25. Eric says:

    3X 3X 3X 3X 3X 3X 3X 3X 3X 3X 3X 3X 3X 3X 3X 3X 3X

    but I refuse to “come” on anyone… sitting is OK

  26. Del says:

    *Del continues her ‘I got mentioned’ Happy Dance while listening to some nifty song on infinite repeat.*

  27. John Moltz says:

    Thank you, jp. Your results are well within the bounds of the expected results.

    And I thought it was odd that you would revoke your first and second post. Looks like someone has been reading the rules for commenting.

    Del, your commitment to keeping this site afloat for another day has not gone unnoticed. Your eternal reward shall be granted to you in the afterlife.

    Your eternal reward is a sticker, in case you’re curious. But an *eternal* sticker.

    So don’t put it on your cloud car if you think you might want to take it off some day. You know… if you want to sell your cloud car or something. Because it won’t come off.

    Eternal… um… sticker…

  28. iBode says:

    Hey, we won’t have cloud cars in the afterlife.

    We’ll just fly.


  29. Yoko Ono says:

    Drop the word “Apple” from the sexbot shirt, or we’ll sue your ass.



  30. Zeb says:

    Can I get a shirt that has the annoying animated gif effect as on this very webpage? Huh? Can I? I’d like to be able to walk down the street and give other folks a blazing headache! Please? Does it? C’mon!!!!

  31. Apropos of nothing –

    Sometimes our country (I mean those of us in the U.S.) makes me sad: Do you remember the right-wing hypocrite asshole gambling-addicted “Book Of Virtues” guy? Here’s what he’s been saying on the radio lately:


    And this guy’s listenership comprises the rabid constituency who got the current criminal buffoon into office? Yaaargh!

  32. 2ubesock Shakur says:

    Can we enlist someone from CafePress to go out and pants _him_? Now THAT I would pay for!

  33. I’d like to see a CARS iWeasel a.k.a. iNads sock ala the Red Hot Chili Peppers Abbey Road shot. Yeah, I’d lay out some jack for dat!

    Sincerely Yours,


  34. Psyko says:

    Where are the simple shirts? You know, the ones with just Howard’s picture on the front, or just the Entity’s, or what not.