Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.
Q: I’m working on an older Mac and I’d like to transfer some files to it, but the newer Mac the people I work with don’t have floppy drives. How can I do this?
A: There are many ways to accomplish this. Does the Mac you’re working on have a CD drive?
Q: Mmmmmm… no.
A: OK. Does it have an Ethernet port?
Q: Uhhhhh… no.
A: Oh. OK. Well, does it have an ADB port?
Q: I… don’t… think… so.
A: Uh… what kind of ports does it have?
Q: Well, there’s just this one thingy here and it’s… kind of a giant gaping maw filled with flame and… and… um… looks like death.
A: Uh… huh.
Q: Yeah, it’s definitely death.
A: Yeah, OK. See, your Mac isn’t really a Mac. It’s a demon-god of some unknown hell dimension.
Q: Uh… should I get out of the building?
A: Mmm… I would.
Q: I have a G4 PowerBook and I occasionally have a need to leave it in the trunk of my car during cold weather. How low can the temperature get before I would risk damaging my PowerBook?
A: Generally a PowerBook can withstand temperatures as low as -4,000 Kelvin.
Q: Uh… I’m pretty sure you’re wrong about that. 0 degrees Kelvin is the point at which molecular energy is a minimum.
A: Oh. Maybe I was thinking of Celcius.
Q: I doubt it. I’m not even sure -4,000 is possible on any scale.
A: Well, regardless, your PowerBook’s probably OK if you wrap it in one of those space blankets.
Q: But if it’s not on, it doesn’t have any heat to conserve…
A: Space blanket.
Q: …so that won’t do anything.
A: SPACE BLANKET! SPACE BLANKET! SPACE BLANKET!
Q: OK. OK. OK. Space blanket.
A: Space. Blanket.
Q: I have an iMac – one of the ones with the swivel monitor – and I was wondering… where is Raul?
Q: Yes. Raul. You know of whom I speak.
Q: A-HA! Your hesitation betrays you! That means Raul is someplace very close…
A: Look, is this going someplace, because it’s close to closing time and…
Q: Raul and I have unfinished business! Debts must be settled! Consequences paid!
A: OK, well, how about this – if Raul comes by, I’ll tell him you were looking for him.
Q: Hmm. Very well. But I shall return. And one day, with god as my witness, Raul shall face me. Farewell.
RAUL: Is he gone?
A: Dude, it’s a $6 rental late fee on Scooby-Doo 2. Why don’t you just pay him?
RAUL: I… enjoy the thrill of the chase.
A: OK, well, you can’t hide under the desk anymore.