19 Dec 05Microsoft Kills Explorer for the Mac.


A giant wail of pain went up from the Macintosh community today as Microsoft announced today that support for Internet Explorer would end at the stroke of midnight on December 31st, 2005.

“Nooooooooooo!” cried Mac user Jim Frier of Minneapolis, rending his garments. “Not Internet Explorer! Waaaaah!!!

There is no god!” Frier spat, slapping his Bible off the table derisively.

Adding insult to injury, Microsoft has further announced that it will no longer offer Explorer for the Macintosh for download after January.

Former Explorer user Alex Weinmann of Laurel, MD, lamented the move.

“I can’t believe that my children won’t be able to enjoy the experience of text not wrapping correctly or intermittent double spacing. Not to mention the huge text modulus bug.

“Those were good times. Good times. And now… all these… moments… will be lost in time. Like… tears in rain…”

A somber Apple CEO Steve Jobs paid tribute to the aging, clunking relic.

“As I said five years ago, it’s my browser of choice,” Jobs said, shaking his head sadly.

“After Safari, of course.

“And Firefox.

“And… OmniWeb.

“And… um… that other one. Whatzitz. Opus? No. Opera! Opera. I’ve never actually used Opera but, um, I imagine I’d probably choose it before I’d choose Explorer.

“But, then, I probably choose getting whacked over the head with a sock full of nickels before I’d choose Explorer.

“But, still,” Jobs concluded, pulling the corners of his mouth down with each index finger to pantomime sadness, “Quite sad.”

While many in the Macintosh community wondered if there would be a service for Explorer, Microsoft is reportedly just taking out back of its Redmond campus, shooting it, and dumping it in a shallow unmarked grave.

36 Responses to “Microsoft Kills Explorer for the Mac.”

  1. Anonymous says:

    First Post!!!

    RIP

  2. First says:

    That is: Rot In my Pants

  3. Brian says:

    Yummy Third Goodness

  4. Nxxx says:

    *Dead March from Saul being played by the Band of the Grenadier Guards*

    That’s Christmas and New Year ruined. Grieving will probably wreck Burns’ Night as well.

    *Fades out to Scots Guard Pipes playing Will ye nae come back again*

  5. Curtis says:

    When will they release the latest Internet Explorer for Mac OS 8 & 9? Why must we be held back by an old version?

    I’m still waiting for VLC for System 7…

  6. Ace Deuce says:

    Less than seventh!

    It is more cost-effective to get whacked over the head with a sock full of pennies, Mr. One-Dollar Annual Salary.

  7. fatbo says:

    sadly, seventh. alliteration is awesome, though, truth be told.

  8. Speedy Delivery says:

    Hmm…I have a hunch I know who will be doing the shooting.

  9. Huck says:

    That was moving eulogy Moltz, I’m all choked up. What will I do without internet explorer to remind me of Microsoft’s poisonous grasp on the Mac platform?

    Thanks, it helps ease the pain… a little.

  10. Zeb says:

    Ding dong, IE is dead, doo, doo, doo, la, la, la, la, la…

    Man that sounds gay, I can’t believe I wrote that.

    ah well,

    gimme a T

    gimme a E

    gimme a N

    Thats right! 10 suckas!

  11. “Time to die.”

    and good riddance, by the way.

  12. IE says:

    You’ll miss me you friggin’ ingrates!

    Ah sheet, where are my teeth…OW, who moved that chair there!

    You all are )*( HOLES! Damn whipper snappers!

  13. stridey says:

    Got something against Camino, do we Mr. Moltz? Come on! Surely it at least ranks higher than Opera!

  14. Bandar the Invinsible says:

    “… and so, with an empty heart, Wille Door wrote his will, leaving a continuation of everything he had given to the community to me (nothing but pain and annoyance) and set a date for his euthanasia. He thought about bringing the entity in to do his hair but screwed it and asked for cremation on the spot. The entity was only too happy to oblige.”

    There are much worse fates than death.,.,

  15. William Feldhusen says:

    No!

    Wait, I hate internet explorer.

    Never mind.

  16. Minneapolis Guy says:

    I can’t believe it. It is so awesome. What a great thing to wake up to. Moltz, the king himself, mentioned Minneapolis on this wonderful site. Oh sure, it’s 7 degrees outside but that’s up from -8 yesterday morning when my dog’s snot froze. What an honor!!! Thanks MOLTZ!

  17. iBode says:

    CARS Minnesotans Unite!

    So, here’s my browser list, in order of use:

    Safari

    Firefox

    Flock

    Opera

    Camino

    Mozilla

    Netscape

    IE

    How will be able to carry on without it filling that last spot?

    I am ruined!

  18. Swedish_dude says:

    You burn in hell Internet Explorer!

  19. blank says:

    Nickels? I’d rather be hit on the head by a first-gen 10 GB iPod in a sock than use Internet Exploiter! Maybe one of those early 20 GB iPods even, any you know how much that would hurt!

    Oh, and browsers? Shiira, baby, Shiira all the way!

  20. Anonymous says:

    A sock full of nickles probably just tickles.

    A sock full of nickels might hurt though.

  21. scared monster says:

    …er…like the guy the other day said: yer just a bunch of self-loving apple chewers, go rot in helle, Internet Exploder shure iss the best browther I have ever got; and Microsoft will win allaver the place, and it IS A FACT IE first invented that watcha call’em tabs and so on.

    Er…no.

    Just joking.

  22. Hey, even I can admit that IE for Mac was pretty much a crap-browser dressed up in a few weak multi-colored skins.

    “What will I do without internet explorer to remind me of Microsoft’s poisonous grasp on the Mac platform?” — Huck

    Don’t forget Office X and it’s pal Virtual PC! Evil is still just a few mouse clicks away… youse guys.

    iBode, fill the spot with Lynx. No one mentioned Lynx. Clearly CARS is anti-Lynx. SIGN THE ONLINE PETITION, SEE!

  23. I’m more of an iCab guy myself although I have been known to use Camino. I have vague recollections of this Intenet Explorer of which Moltz speaks.

    I’m curious whether or not Billy Gates III will post a comment on this story.

  24. Turns out he was posting while I was composing. Good for you Billy.

    And IE will be DE-composing! Haha Heehee hoho.

  25. Ahnyer Keester says:

    IE? Gone??!! How will I browse the internet?

    Nickels please. Nickels! Right temple. Good wind up.

    *WHAP* *THUNK*

    No, wait. I haven’t used IE in 4 years. What was I thinking?

  26. Del says:

    I use Lynx almost everyday, of course I am trapped on a deserted Tropical Isle so I guess it could be considered another form of roughing it.

  27. Jon says:

    Isn’t there a version of iCab for OS X? If not, even in Classic, it’s still a little higher up the list than IE. I don’t even know if ti works in Classic. Doesn’t make any difference anyhow.

  28. The Damned Ghost Of Tookie says:

    MS bashing and Blade Runner quotes.

    No, the good times are now, my friends. Right now. Right here and now. It means everything. Miss the beat, you lose the rhythm.

    Linux should have an “Opus” browser, what with their symbol being a penguin and all.

    Heh. A gay penguin.

    Oh, did I type that out loud?

  29. slowpoke rodriguez says:

    30th! wooooohoooo!

  30. speedy gonzales says:

    Curse you, slowpoke! You beat me again!

  31. CARs should have a service for IE. Now iCab or Shiira can have a spot in the top 10!

  32. Goldy says:

    M-I-N-N-E-S-O-T-A, Minnesota, Minnesota, Go…… Gophers!

  33. Walking Contradiction says:

    What will life on a Mac mean without Internet Exploder? How are Mac users supposed to browse the internet now???

    Oh yeah, with a REAL browser instead of with garbage.

    If I were M$, I wouldn’t even bother digging it a shallow grave. Let the wolves feast on it’s rotting carcas the way nature intended.

    Now we just have to persuede M$ to drop support for the Exploder on Windoze, since that’s where the real problems are …

  34. WebCester says:

    The sad thing is that Internet Explorer is still the best browser for Mac OS 9. Sure it crashed all the time, but a force quit took care of that, and it’s still better than that misguided iCab project.

    But then if you still use 9 your opinion doesn’t count anymore.

  35. shen says:

    let the wolves feast on its rotting…..

    man. why do you hate wolves so much. what did they ever do to you?