Light Posting This Week.

Baby, you remember that we weren’t going to be posting much this week, right?

Oh, c’mon baby! We left you that note by the refrigerator under the muffins! I know you love muffins, baby, you had to have seen it!

Well, look, we got some business to take care of this week – business that affects us both, baby. We’re just looking out for you. You know that.

I know there’s some stuff going on in the Apple world that we might have written about – like that dude that’s suing Apple because he made something that kind of vaguely if you held it up to the light the right way and closed your eyes and thought of SoundJam (which he has apparently never heard of) just sort of might look a little like something vaguely resembling a software music jukebox.

But there’ll be plenty of other Apple lawsuits next week that we’ll cover for you. I promise, baby.

You know I’m only doing this for you.

So, baby, you be a good girl and you click on the comments link…

That’s it… the one down there…

Oooh, yeah…

And you tell me what you’d sue Apple for.

Go on, baby. You know you want some of that.

43 thoughts on “Light Posting This Week.”

  1. Oh man, every time I get 11th, it’s like taking crack filled with heroin while on ecstasy. I jus’ ca’n get enough!

    Can I sue Apple for making their rumors so damn addicting?

  2. Don’t you try to sweet talk me with your “Click the Link Down There: Ooh Yeah” nonsense! You need to get your fat ass up off my couch and go find you a real job!

    You’re not making any good money hanging around that stupid alien and that ragtag crew of yours! Plus, every time you have them over here they track mud everywhere (except for the dog, oddly enough).

    And while we’re at it, would it be too much trouble to clean up around the house while I’m gone? I’m working two jobs to support you and your quote-unquote “rumor site.”

    Maybe you haven’t heard about the rumor that has your no-job-having ass out in the street, with all your stuff piled on the curb…

    (PS: Masako can stay.)

  3. I’d sue them for naming themselves after that fruit I eat every morning with breakfast. I mean, come on! The name APPLE was already taken like what, since the beginning of mankind??

    Oh REAL original, Steve. REAL original.

  4. Just be thankful they did name it Apple. It was probably Woz’s idea anyway…don’t go blaming Mr. Jobs. They could have just named it “Steve Computers.” Actually, come to think of it…which Steve were you blaming…maybe it was Woz all along. Well, whichever it was (or Woz) it’s still a heck-a-lot better than Steve Computers.


  5. I’d sue Apple for not having made a take-out-the-garbage-wash-my-dishes-and-get-a-good-paying-job-to-pull-your-own-damn-weight-bot yet!!!

  6. Carl, it’s only the crazy Apple rumors that are addictive.

    Regular Apple rumors? Pfffft — forget it. They’re just about merchandise, for cryin’ out loud. As if our brains were so addled by our lust to consume that we could get emotionally wrought up over “product.” We are emotionally mature people here, with rich, full, gratifying lives. There’s no way we would ever define ourselves on the basis of the things we buy. Absurd!

    But I NEED my Crazy Apple rumors, oh yes! That is a craving that never dies…

  7. I want to sue them for ruining the Beatles, inflicting Oasis and Celine on the world and not producing enough Tiptree Little Scarlet strawberry jam for me.

    BTW ‘Comments’ should read ‘Links’. Well it’s a good rumor anyway.

  8. Oranges, I’d sue them for oranges.

    Just what does apple have against orange? I want an orange Apple iPod!

    I lost my last iPod in the snow.

  9. I will sue them for all the mental anguish I have suffered over switching to iNtel processors and the name MacBook Pro.

    I still have nightmares!

  10. Oh and the Giga-Post is getting overwhelmed by spam again. Maybe Masako could take a look and help us out a little bit? We are having trouble finding our own inane comments with all the inane comments of the spammers.

    Especially now that we’ve reached an exciting part. We must break Nxxx out of prison for that little shotgun misunderstanding.

  11. Perhaps I will sue Apple for not yet developing a vaccine against avian influenza. Lives are being lost, and I’m not just talking about chickens.

    Apple has the talent to do just about anything, but all they do is make high-tech toys.

    They haven’t found Osama bin Laden either. Sheesh!

  12. I’d sue Apple for the mental anguish now caused whenever I have to use a Windows product.

    (And even though this isn’t a crazy Apple rumor, this is one of the funniest CARS posts I’ve ever read.)

  13. One word: “Newton”

    Now, it’s up to you to decide whether I want to sue them for undermining and entire industry when they canned the Newton, or I want to sue them for unleashing the PDA on an unsuspecting world in the first place.

  14. That’s it CARS is cheating on us!!1!! You can tell… all the empty promises, the muffins, the directing us to click on the comment link and whatnot. CARS is seeing someone else, that’s what my friends all said.

    Me? I’d sue Apple for letting me continue to make such a piss-poor OS that somehow dominates the desktop under the ironic guise of being the cheapest solution available with the largest base of available software. Wooo-boy, I better keep giving away all this money to divert people’s attention from the complete rip-off of Tiger that will be Vista.

    Hey!!1! Look over there!!!1!!11! ============>>

  15. I would like to sue them for being incredibly late in producing Copeland. It had so much promise, then they had to go for NextStep and morph it into this limp OSX thing. People don’t even know what to call it. Is the “X” pronounced “ecks” or “ten”? Do you say “os ten, ten point four point four”, that sounds so redundant! I WANT COPELAND and all its promised totally intuitive user interface and multimedia savvy! I’ll sue, I’ll SUE!!!





  17. Copeland was crap.

    But, if you really want the Copeland experience, “Windoze Vistah” should be along any year now.


  18. I’m suing Apple for using screens that might blind me. I mean, come on, I might stare at it insanely long times, doing tasks such as, I dunno, regular computer stuff. I might even watch a whole movie one one of their screen equipped products, and that would be horribly devastating.

    My demands will be that not only am I made insanely rich from the lawsuit, I also demand that all Apple products from here on have no screen, and no way to interface with one. They can take example from the iPod shuffle, just do a random task, every time.

  19. I’m suing because their products are addictive. I want to buy at least one of everything in the Apple Store. They *might* bankrupt me! If Apple feels threatened enough to settle, I’ll settle for $10,000 store credit. Then I’ll sue when the credit runs out for being enablers of my addiction. Repeat until someone catches on.

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