The Macintosh community was devastated to learn today that Senior Vice President of the iPod division Jon Rubinstein was devoured by beavers.
According to sources, the Apple executive was sitting quietly in his office when approximately a dozen vicious, killer beavers entered and completely consumed him.
“All I could see was Jon flailing his arms as he went down behind the desk,” said Rubinstein’s assistant, Rob Sanders. “Then there was this gnawing sound and those tails… flapping in the air…
“I don’t think I’ll ever forget those horrible tails.”
A visibly shaken Chief Operating Officer Tim Cook was uncertain how the beavers got as far as Rubinstein’s office.
“They apparently signed in and received badges and everything,” Cook said. “We’re going to, um, look into our security procedures.
“Won’t help Jon, though. Poor bastard.”
Other Apple executives were less matter-of-fact than Cook.
“Nooooooo!!!” screamed Chief Technology Officer Avie Tevanian, falling to his knees and tearing at his shirt. “Johnny! JOHN-NY!!!
“He was just six weeks from retirement! Why is it always the good ones?!”
Cupertino animal control is asking residents to keep an eye out for a gang of roving beavers.