While many news outlets reported today a rumor that Amazon may challenge Apple’s online music store, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that the company has issued a challenge of a different kind.
In a personal email, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos challenged Apple CEO Steve Jobs to a fight to determine who would own the online market for music sales.
According to an email forwarded to CARS, Bezos said Jobs could pick from the following list of contests:
- A slap fight, the winner to be determined by who falls on the floor, curls up in a ball and shrieks “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” like a little girl first.
- A drinking game based on watching Olympic ice skating. Jobs and Bezos will drink once every time someone mentions the new scoring system, twice every time a US skater falls. Last man conscious wins.
- Hitting each other on the head with gigantic hammers until one of them passes out.
- A greased, homo-erotic wrestling match in the semi-nude.
According to sources close to Jobs, upon reading the email the Apple CEO likened it to being challenged to fight for the right to eat his lunch, which he already brought to work in a brown paper bag with “Steve” written on it with an El Marko.
“It’s already my lunch,” Jobs reportedly noted. “Why would I agree to fight for it?
“How many times do I have to put up with this crap?” Jobs reportedly asked. “‘Microsoft to challenge iTunes.’ ‘Google to challenge iTunes.’ ‘Amazon to challenge iTunes.’ ‘Army of Brazilian Hitler clones to challenge iTunes.’
“Call me when you’ve got more than a million subscribers for your brilliant subscription-based service. There’s a great idea. Those have already worked so well.
“Uh, also call me when you’ve cloned a million Hitlers. It’d probably be good to know if that happens too.”