07 Feb 07PC Kills Mac.

In a tragic climax to the “Get a Mac” ad series, authorities say that earlier today PC, pushed beyond the breaking point, allegedly killed Mac shortly after the taping of the latest spot.

The spot reportedly centered around more of PC’s inadequacies while highlighting the many benefits of Mac, driving PC into a final fit of murderous, jealousy-fueled rage.

According to sources present, PC fled the scene in a white Ford Bronco driven by Windows.

Windows spoke to pursuing authorities using a Windows Mobile phone.

“This is Vista,” Windows said. “I’ve got PC in the back. Back off or he’s gonna reformat himself!

“What? Who is this?! You know who this is, dammit!

PC was apprehended just outside a CompUSA where it apparently had hoped to get lost in a crowd of other PCs. Authorities were tipped off, however, when Vista’s security system loudly asked “YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO FLEE POLICE ON FOOT. CANCEL OR ALLOW?”

In a final irony, PC was booked without a mug shot as the digital camera the police used experienced a driver conflict.

Legal experts say that since the Mac is still just a computer, PC can at worst only face charges of property damage. Further, sources say Apple is considering continuing the ad campaign as it can easily replace Mac with another Mac that looks just like it.

35 Responses to “PC Kills Mac.”

  1. Carbonfish says:

    ONE! is the loneliest.

  2. Stranger says:

    Do not fret! For you are not alone…

  3. Carbonfish says:

    So how did PC kill Mac anyway? Would sudo killall in a terminal window do it?? I DON”T THINK SO!

  4. Huh? says:

    Wow.(no, not that wow) One of the tunnels from the TeraPost actually go somewhere!
    Try tunnel number 47.
    Highly recommended by my Pants™

    I was hoping for another cameo tonight. Poopy McFlufflebutt, perhaps.

    Remember, friends don’t let spleens drive drunk.

  5. Deich says:

    Damn, I knew Windows was messed up, but, damn.

  6. monkeys says:

    So that’s the kind of security you get with Vista. Kind of Soprano-like.

    I wonder when on the ads will PC show us his “Wow”.

  7. Streetrabbit says:

    This entire post is a palindrome.

    Well done Moltz! That’s incredible!

  8. fatbo says:

    8th. bitches.

  9. Carl says:

    My PowerBook is not replaceable!

  10. John Moltz says:

    I palindrome I.

  11. John Moltz says:

    Yes, it is, Carl! I don’t care what kind of personal relationship you think you have with it!

  12. Picker of Nits says:

    Moltz, how can you take 11? I mean, why?

  13. John Moltz says:

    Uh…

    I didn’t mean to.

    I’m sorry.

    Take an 11 out of petty cash.

  14. Ace Deuce says:

    My subscription to CARS: CANCEL OR ALLOW?

    Hmm…

    What the hell, I’ll let it ride.

  15. scared monster (pretending being some Apple Big Chief) says:

    The whole story’s a make-up, a fake spread by foes.
    Fools.
    That wasn’t a Bronco, that was a Capri.

  16. Nxxx says:

    Moltz, what is this slur, “another Mac that looks just like it”?
    Despite all my Macs having different names, they all look exactly the same. Their characters differ slightly, but in everything else they are identical.
    Clones.
    Just like all the Steve Jobs.

  17. Rip Ragged says:

    Alright! I’m first.

    Now where the hell did I put my glasses.

  18. Del says:

    Sorry Rip, I have them. Both filled with scotch just like you asked.

  19. vitamin fortified says:

    Alas, another unloved PC driven to bits of rage, urged by the ultra-violent games it is forced to play daily.
    Anyway, if it goes to death row will it get dunked into a tub of tap water, plugged into an outlet during an electrical storm or the most gruesome demise, connected directly to the internet running Windows pre SP2 to die slowly and painfully of massive infections

    No, you throw lawn darts AWAY from the crowds. Has anyone seen my bottle of scotch?

  20. shawk says:

    Perhaps the PC could be cured of its Microsexuality at the same place that cured the Good Reverend Haggard of his homosexuality.
    This will involve sexbots.

    I don’t know why every post seems to evolve or devolve to sexbots.
    Oh yeah, machine porn, misplaced desire and pathetic immaturity.
    Which accurately sums up this site.

    Yeah, I’m looking at you.

  21. Steve G. says:

    John, tell shawk we’re not immature!

    But since shawk did mention sexbots, Ninja Sexbots will be dispatched to hunt down and kill PC. If for no other reason than to save face.

    Speaking of which, since PC was on the cover of Wired, when are we gonna get a sexbot on the cover?

    Almost doesn’t count. Except in horseshoes and hand grenades.

  22. OMGHAX Fan Club says:

    Nooo, not John Hodgman! He’s turned to the dark side!

  23. Del says:

    I heard PC got enrolled into a 1 step self help program after the incident.

    Of course the 1 step is to install Ubuntu.

  24. blank says:

    It’s because they’re so damn useful, and not just for the sex. For example, look at all the times where the Ninja version proves useful, like a couple posts ago.

    Then there’s the sex, let’s not forget about that.

  25. kingthedestroyer says:

    Are there any services scheduled for Mac, or is he being put into Apples recycling program.

  26. Ace Deuce says:

    Mac will be composted in the same pile as Pippin, Granny Smith and Jonathan.

  27. UhhhDude says:

    Between Vista slapping 13-year-old girls, and PC committing Murder One, I’m thinking I wouldn’t want my kids over at their house anymore.

    Then again, they’ve been over there about as often as they’ve visited Neverland Ranch, which has been, well, never.

    Hey! I’m trying to sit here and chill. Take your lawn darts elsewhere.

  28. NWJR says:

    “I’m a Gat”

    “and I’m a GET DOWN MUTHAFUCKA! I GOT A GAT TOO!”

  29. BDK says:

    Wow. I can’t stop laughing.

  30. Rip Ragged says:

    Shawk, you take that back right NOW.

    We are NOT immature and if you don’t take it back I’m going to hold my breath and stomp my feet.

    Then I’m telling Mom.

    Booger.

  31. Al Fed the Grate says:

    This story is obviously made up. Even at 15mph Windows would crash long before reaching the nearest CompUSA.

  32. Mac Cult Member says:

    Ghey! Quit drinking the Kool-Aid!

  33. Joe #2 says:

    You are about to be arrested. Cancel or UMMPH!

    I am being shot, cancel or allow? “ALLOW!”

    Owie.

  34. keeb says:

    how would PC actually make it to killing mac, the canel or allows would have slowed the process to an unproductive slap at best..

    and it would have had to be a bronco with lots of armor as the 15 mph crashes that were pointed out would have been more damaging and the abundant cancel or allows would have made the entire 3 block trip take 6 hours.

    Mac will be assimilated..

    Move along there is nothing to see here!

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