28 Mar 07AT&T Still Being Dicks About The iPhone.

During a keynote address at this week’s cellular industry conference in Orlando, AT&T COO Randall Stephenson showed one of the rare prototypes of the Apple iPhone, scheduled for release this summer.

In a presentation reminiscent of Stan Sigman’s “In your face, other cellular providers!” Macworld keynote appearance, Stephenson reportedly made an ass out of himself in ways that are only now fully coming to light.

According to sources, many attendees were surprised and annoyed when Stephenson took the unusual step of saying in a lilting voice “Ha, ha, I have one and you do not be-cause your momma is a hoo-chie momma!”

There was also apparently a little dance that went with this.

Attendees were further surprised when Stephenson dangled the iPhone just above their heads using a bungee cord tied to a long stick

Not so surprised that they didn’t climb over each other to try to get it, however.

Stephenson then shouted “You suck and I rock! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Ran-dy’s your dad-dy now! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Ran-dy’s your dad-dy now!”

Oddly, in keeping with AT&T and Cingular tradition, Stephenson was reading all of his taunts from 3 X 5 index cards.

At other moments during his keynote, Stephenson would act as if he was about to remove his hand from over the screen of the iPhone, allowing hundreds of photographers a close-up glimpse of it in action, but then clapped the hand back on top, jeering, “Psych!”

Not surprisingly, audience reaction was mixed.

“I enjoyed the potential of seeing the iPhone, but disliked actually not getting to see it,” said Jena Hui, a marketing executive with UTStarcom.

“And that Randy Stephenson is really a dickwad, isn’t he?”

To make it up to them, attendees were later allowed to beat a pinata in the shape of Stephenson holding an iPhone. Regrettably, only Windows Mobile devices poured out of the pinata when broken.

47 Responses to “AT&T Still Being Dicks About The iPhone.”

  1. Carbonfish says:

    Did that sound pompous and arrogant? Damn, my social skills suck.

    Oh yeah John, your clock is off by an hour again…

    I’m just sayin’.

  2. Carbonfish says:

    Okay, now that’s just frakkin’ wrong!

  3. John Moltz says:


    I got it!

    Victory is mine! I am the lord of time, space and dimension!

    Phew. And now I no longer have to live in that little boat 100 miles off the Pacific coast in international waters.

  4. Carbonfish says:

    Jeebus Cribust everybody! Run for your lives and lock up your daughters panties! He’s free!! FREE!!!

  5. John Moltz says:

    Mmmm… panties…

  6. John Moltz says:

    Looks like it’s just the two of us, CF.

    And I’m going to bed.



  7. Carrowsmith says:

    Oh, for goodness sake!


    Better now?

  8. Streetrabbit says:

    Some of us are just watching…and waiting.

    Soon my pretties. Soon.

    Bwoaharr. Bwoaharr.

  9. OMGHAX says:

    Hey, I’m second! As in second poster, not second post. Gosh.

  10. 2000guitars says:



  11. OMGHAX says:

    CRAP! I mean fourth.

  12. OMGHAX says:

    Hey, I can’t say I blame him. If I had an iPhone and nobody else did, I’d flaunt it too.


    ‘Cause I’m just so humble.

  13. redeyebase says:

    oh, so off base tonight. oh well, give others a chance.

  14. I’m just happy to be reading about someone with an iPhone, living vicariously through them, wiating patienlty for the day when I can be in the same room as one.

  15. Nxxx says:

    Mr. Moltz,

    Here in Europe we use International Standards sizing for stationery, therefore your description of 3 x 5 index cards are meaningless. Cards of this size in millimetres would be almost impossible to read without a microscope whereas if sized in kilometres, would be bigger than the building the event was held in.

    This is sloppy journalism.

    1/10 only.

  16. Sudo Nym says:

    If I had an iPhone and nobody else did, I’d flaunt it too.

    Not me. If I had an iPhone and nobody else did, I’d feel ashamed.

    “I don’t deserve this!” I would howl. “I’ve tried never to hurt anybody, so why must I endure this two-year Cingular lock-in? Why? Why? I don’t deserve it!”

    I wouldn’t take an iPhone for free. Because it ain’t free.

  17. Ace Deuce says:

    My comment is late because in honor of AT&T/Cingular, I first wrote it out on an index card, then recited it into a microphone for iListen to recognize, then pasted it into the comments here.

    Thank you for your patience.

  18. Huh? says:


    John sure was in a good mood this evening…

    I wonder got into him?

    Or what(read: who) he got into….?

  19. The Incredible Mr says:

    ”Stephenson took the unusual step of saying in a lilting voice “Ha, ha, I have one and you do not be-cause your momma is a hoo-chie momma!”

    There was also apparently a little dance that went with this.”

    Hey! I had this as a dream last night. Except instead of Stephenson, Jennifer frickin Connelly. And instead of being a dream I had last night, I just made it up right now. So to reiterate; a good all–round effort, 2/10.

  20. ergo says:

    this is the same guy that was “Mr. Public Speaker” at the keynote?

    Sounds like he at least found some personality.

  21. Zo says:

    What the fuck is a millimeter, and do I care?

  22. Nxxx says:

    It’s a metre with a thousand legs, stupid.

  23. NWJR says:

    I’ve been using a printout of the iPhone that I cleverly pasted on a 3×5 card. It gets a lot of attention but makes lousy calls.

    Come to think of it, it’s exactly like my CURRENT Cingular phone!

  24. J0n says:

    Draw a picture of a bug with a bunch of legs. Label it “Centimeter”.

    Draw a picture of a bug with a bunch of legs that’s upside down. Label it “Erg”.

    Why “Erg”, you ask? Because it’s a “Dyne-Centimeter”.

  25. kingthedestroyer says:

    John, thanks for quoting the hoo-chie momma reference, haven’t heard that in years, made me feel young for a moment.Must be tied in with that whole lord of time, space and dimension business, nice job if you can keep it. I was once master of all time, space and dimension, but when I deciced to abolish all three, I was removed from office with extreme prejudice, but I did get my web name from the experience.

  26. Biff Whammy says:

    AT&T might still be being dicks about the iPhone — but not half as much as Dvorak!


    He’s still pissed that Apple got rid of the “Dvorak” switch after the IIc, right? Somebody should point out that it had nothing to do with him.

  27. don says:

    still no links for gtd.

    come on what gives???????





  28. don says:


  29. Nose Hair says:


  30. don says:

    how are you? who are you?

  31. rose says:


  32. the doctor says:

    rose! where are you?

    what are you doing in cars?

    how did you get here?

  33. rose says:

    it’s the only way to live, in cars

  34. davros says:

    get out of here and leave us alone.

  35. the master says:

    yeah doctor, scram

  36. John Moltz says:

    Awesome! Everyone loves Dr. Who fan fiction!

  37. buthidae says:

    I have more fours and more zeros than any of you chumps!


  38. buthidae says:

    Sorry, that was mean. But I’m just reading what it says on these cards.

  39. Rip Ragged says:

    I sit back and I hiccup

    and look back on my busy day

    eleven hours in a tin can,

    God there’s got to be another way.

  40. buthidae says:


  41. Candy Apple says:

    Hey Rip–

    That’s “Eleven hours in the Tin Pan”.

    Now excuse me while I kiss this guy.

    Candy Apple

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