You may have read other reviews of the Apple TV, but thou shalt take no others before the Crazy Apple Rumors Ultimate Apple TV Review!
CARS editor-in-chief John Moltz recently spent some time with the Apple TV and here’s his report!
ATV -475 days: A lot of people complained about how long it took them to get their Apple TV, but I actually ordered mine in 2005. Sure, sure, they said “Sir, we can’t take your money for something we don’t make” but I was very insistent and they finally relented. As a matter of fact, I did the same thing the other day and ordered my Apple Sexbot. I highly suggest using this tactic with Apple as they will take your money for all kinds of weird stuff they don’t make. Yet!
ATV -45 minutes: It’s 3:20 PM on Saturday and I’m lying in my underwear on a pile of lime tortilla chips smeared with salsa and guacamole playing a little game I like to call “Johnny, King of Nachos” and I decide to take a break and check the delivery status on my Apple TV. I see it’s out for delivery and decide it’s time to shower and clean up all the chips.
ATV zero hour: The delivery truck is here! The delivery person looks at me funny as I sign for it and I only realize later it’s because I forgot to take the crown off. I unbox the Apple TV.
ATV +60 minutes: Now, many rookies will make the mistake of immediately plugging it in. DO NOT DO THIS. As with any Apple product or fine wine, you should let it breathe for at least an hour. It’s like that thing you’re supposed to do with MacBook batteries. Drain, charge, drain, charge… charge, charge, charge… drain… uh… charge, charge, drain, drain. Or something.
Anyway, letting your Apple TV breathe for an hour will extend its life by at least a year. Totally. This and repairing permissions are guaranteed take-to-the-bank product maintenance tips.
ATV +61 minutes: Now I’m ready to plug it into my 42-inch Samsung HDTV. I go to the box to find the cables.
There are no cables.
Well, this is just bullshit. What, am I just supposed to put the component ports up to my eyes and use it like a View-Master?
Oh, wow! What do you know, that works! Awesome!
ATV +2 hours and 5 minutes: I return from the Apple Store will some cables and hook up the unit to my HDTV. I download an episode of Heroes (you know, it’s a really good show) and fire it up!
Holy shit this looks like crap. I mean, I knew it didn’t do HD-quality but this…
Oh, wait, I never peeled the plastic protector film off my HDTV. Huh. I’ve had it for two years and I never noticed that. OK, here we go.
Mmm, nope. Still looks like crap.
ATV +6 hours and 15 minutes: On a hunch, I lick the Apple TV. It tastes of white chocolate and pure Mexican vanilla. Nice touch Apple!
ATV +10 hours and 4 minutes: Can’t sleep. Can’t eat.
The Apple TV has invaded my brain. My soul.
All is lost. I am its plaything. A lump of unformed clay in its electronic touch. I willingly give myself to it, now downloading anything – Boat Trip with Cuba Gooding Jr. – just to bathe in it’s warm glow.
I am cold. So very cold.
Four out of five stars.