11 Apr 07Microsoft Celebrates Sale of 100th Zune.

Just days after Apple’s announcement that it had sold 100 million iPods, Microsoft’s Zune celebrated a milestone of its own.

According to a press release issued by the company today, its 100th Zune was sold to 13-year-old Dieter Ebersbacher in Shreveport, Illinois, and is a sign of its success in the marketplace.

“The sale of the 100th Zune is a sign that it has captured a secure foothold in the market and it totally doesn’t suck,” said Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer.

Asked to explain the discrepancy between this and its previously announced sales figures, Ballmer said “Well, when you take out the units we’ve just stuffed into the channel and then you take out the units that have gone to reviewers… and the units we’ve just outright given away… you’re left with… uh… a hundred. Now. Like, just now.

“I’ve totally been telling that guy… uh… whatsits… um… Foureyes McFloodpants… Gates! I’ve totally been telling him to lay off on how well the Zune’s been doing. Totally.”

Perhaps most unfortunately for Microsoft, Ebersbacher apparently bought the unit thinking it was an iPod.

“It is not iPod?” Ebersbacher asked. “Ach du lieber! I am being exchange student von Reichshof-Mittelagger! With receipt I can return, ja?”

While Ballmer did ultimately admit that the Zune’s current market position was not quite what the company had hoped, he then – after absolutely no prodding on the part of reporters – laid the plans for an upcoming flash-based model on the table, winking effusively. The plans had the words “IPOD NANO KILLER” emblazoned across the top.

Upon closer review, however, the plans seem to consist of a crude drawing of flash memory chip in a box with the words “Ninja powers!”, “Awesome!” and “Death to iPod!” written around it in crayon.

71 Responses to “Microsoft Celebrates Sale of 100th Zune.”

  1. CTHULHU says:

    PUNY MORTAL! IT HAS BEEN WELL ESTABLISHED THAT ONLY DEMON-GOD WHISPERING IS RENDERED IN THIS WISE!! “FRED” IS NOT A NAME ASSOCIATED WITH THE UNSPEAKABLE HORROR REQUIRED TO USE THE STYLE!!!

    I’M SENDING GLAARKU OVER WITH A CEASE AND DESIST OF ULTIMATE EVIL!!!!! SEE IF I DON’T!!!!!!!

  2. Jesus says:

    What’s going on here?

    Why does some geek always whine when someone uses caps?

    Free will, turn the cheek etc.

  3. STOP says:

    JESUS AND CAP LOCKS IS JUST ALRIGHT WITH ME

  4. Bushwa Z. says:

    Them iPod killin’ Zunes are being discounted at places *everybody* gets their high-end electronics, like Office Depot, Target, and….K-Mart!, down from $249.00 to $219.00. Soon, the Zune will be sold exclusively at Petco. Purchase includes 260 pounds of your choice of wheat-gluten-packed IAMS kibble and a waterproof take-home bag, because those Zunes might start squirting before the shopper leaves the store.

  5. […] Aunque cuidado… siempre podríamos ilusionarnos (fijaros en la fecha del articulo) y llevarnos un gran chasco. […]

  6. […] Aunque cuidado… siempre podríamos ilusionarnos (fijaros en la fecha del articulo) y llevarnos un gran chasco. […]

  7. CThruThis says:

    Woo-Hoo, I guess baldmer, er, Ball-mer will now do reverse round offs across the Redmond campus whooping all the way until someone notices he’s not breathing and call 911. Poor Dieter, I hope you know some one with a Zune, do they work on iTMS??

    Petco is across town, I’m headed there once this cappucino gets cold, may I can get one for $199.99!!

  8. Jompi says:

    I’m ready for the summer and for a good time with the pocsdat.But however it runs out, it just doesn’t matter.Saw this movie at the cinema and it blew me away.I was expecting to have fun from knowing Bill Murray from SNL, but I was about Rudy’s age and it was like having a big brother presence in my life for that summer.I went back to see again a few times.(movies and popcorn were cheaper then. And phones had rotary dials and cords and stayed in the effin’ house Eh, it just doesn’t matter *breathes deeply*)

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