Microsoft Celebrates Sale of 100th Zune.

Just days after Apple’s announcement that it had sold 100 million iPods, Microsoft’s Zune celebrated a milestone of its own.

According to a press release issued by the company today, its 100th Zune was sold to 13-year-old Dieter Ebersbacher in Shreveport, Illinois, and is a sign of its success in the marketplace.

“The sale of the 100th Zune is a sign that it has captured a secure foothold in the market and it totally doesn’t suck,” said Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer.

Asked to explain the discrepancy between this and its previously announced sales figures, Ballmer said “Well, when you take out the units we’ve just stuffed into the channel and then you take out the units that have gone to reviewers… and the units we’ve just outright given away… you’re left with… uh… a hundred. Now. Like, just now.

“I’ve totally been telling that guy… uh… whatsits… um… Foureyes McFloodpants… Gates! I’ve totally been telling him to lay off on how well the Zune’s been doing. Totally.”

Perhaps most unfortunately for Microsoft, Ebersbacher apparently bought the unit thinking it was an iPod.

“It is not iPod?” Ebersbacher asked. “Ach du lieber! I am being exchange student von Reichshof-Mittelagger! With receipt I can return, ja?”

While Ballmer did ultimately admit that the Zune’s current market position was not quite what the company had hoped, he then – after absolutely no prodding on the part of reporters – laid the plans for an upcoming flash-based model on the table, winking effusively. The plans had the words “IPOD NANO KILLER” emblazoned across the top.

Upon closer review, however, the plans seem to consist of a crude drawing of flash memory chip in a box with the words “Ninja powers!”, “Awesome!” and “Death to iPod!” written around it in crayon.

70 thoughts on “Microsoft Celebrates Sale of 100th Zune.”

  1. I guess that I’m just not sophisticated enough for that Twitter deal… I went over there and didn’t hear any twittering at all.

    I had my volume up too!… Nothing.

    Frankly I don’t see how the business model will fly.

  2. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to do Zune porn in this market. I mean, you can’t even get one to squirt unless you find a second one. Look. If Dieter has a friend ask them to look me up.

    The only silver lining in the lack of any Zune porn to put on the market is that there is absolutely no demand. Which keeps the price down. Also, there’s no squirting. Thank goodness we don’t have to deal with that. That’s just icky.

    Is my microphone working?

  3. Reichshof-Mittelagger. That place doesn’t even exist. And actually even Germans can tell the difference between Zunes and iPods. It’s not that hard, ja?

    I mean, I also picked the right o… or is it … oh, crap!

  4. Is it all right with you if I make an off-topic comment here? I have some important questions.

    What is the neening of mife? Why are we dwere? How will it all grend?

    Thank you.

  5. You think that’s funny?

    That fucking Crazy Apple Rumors guy is a fucking pussy. I’m going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill Crazy Apple Rumors.

    Gagghhh! The iPod is *the* *most* expensive digital audio player on the market. It’s even more expensive than the ones that cost more. And it’s much more expensive than a cheaper one is. And it’s got no keyboard.

  6. As a ninja, I am greatly offended by the implied connection between ninjas and zunes. Expect a visit from one of my underlings soon. And it will totally NOT be the clumsy one who forgets to bring his sword, trips over your cat and ultimately falls in love with you. Like no friggin way.

  7. Xena: Many people care about the Zune. And I’m sure an equal number care about horsecrap. Probably more than you think. Although I’m not sure as to how those two groups overlap. (Note: I am not in either one.) You could draw a Venn Diagram.

  8. Awesome ninja powers implies green-ness, doesn’t it?


    Might be better than brown.

    Maybe the girl in the zune install screen was getting ninja’d at the time.

    They’re quite hard to photograph.


  9. The code name for this “smaller than a forever postage stamp” micro zune is “The Monica.”

    The marketing department hopes to capitalize on a “totally sucks” tag line.

  10. @mayor: holy crap, I sure wish I had been born there. Is that not the cutest little house you ever did see?

    And, actually, yes, my ancestors were German.

  11. I flashed my chip yesterday. Unfortunately I did it in front of a window when my elderly neighbor was walking by.

    I’m now awaiting my lawyer to arrive to defend me from indecency charges. Thanks Zune!

  12. German. Hmmm.

    Then John’s not related to that Klingon in Star Trek III?

    I didn’t think so.

  13. 100 Zunes, well actually that’s rather impressive, I don’t understand all the sarcasm, I never thought that many people would buy the brown little bowl floater. One question though, how many of the 100 were sold to that Foureyes McFloodpants‚ Gates guy?u

  14. With 100 Zunes sold, now there is a chance that the Zune music store can claim at least 10 songs sold too! Woohooo- 250 billion downloads here we come Foureyes mcFloodpants claimed as he ate his pudding.

  15. “Upon closer review, however, the plans seem to consist of a crude drawing of flash memory chip in a box with the words “Ninja powers!”, “Awesome!” and “Death to iPod!” written around it in crayon.”

    — actually that last part sounds pretty cool!

  16. Mein Gott

    I can’t even tell which number my post is, with all these blog-citations that aren’t fair-play.

    Und jetzt

    in braun.

    Sehr schön…wirklich.

  17. @mayor (23)

    guess I should do some fact cheking in the future. This name nevertheless sounds more like a cliché than something real.

    Like stackenblochen.

  18. Digital delivery of music and recorded sound is an abomination.

    The only correct way to listen is via Edison cylinders.

  19. 100 Zunes. According to my precise statistical analysis, that means that two Zune owners with similar taste in music — such that one had a song the other wanted, and didn’t already have — in squirting distance of one another is roughly as likely as having sex with Jennifer Fricken Connelly and a lesbian ninja sexbot while balancing a three-inch stack of winning PowerBall tickets on your forehead.

    Unless I forgot to carry the one.

  20. wow this siste is stupid you publish totally made up crap that all of u sit back and giggle ha ha this is funny im no taking sides here i loove my ipod but come on grow up



  22. SEXBOTS?




  23. I’ve pretty much read the whole Bible, and I don’t remember the passage where it says, “Dumbasses who use caps lock will send you to Hell.”

    Maybe that’s in the NIV, or possibly some translation where “thou” has been changed to “y’all.”

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