iPhone Really Delayed.

In disappointing news, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has confirmed tonight that the iPhone will indeed be delayed from its highly anticipated June launch.

Sources now say that – contrary to our reporting last night – the real reason the iPhone is being delayed is that Elmo’s voice just doesn’t sound right yet.

According to a CARS source who is a Cingular/AT&T sales representative, Apple is determined to get the sound of the signature Sesame Street character perfect.

“Look, I really hate to be the one to bring this up, but has anyone looked closely at that first row of icons on the iPhone? I’m not gonna say it, but…

[cough] Elmo phone [cough].

“OK, I sort of coughed it, but c’mon!

As shocking as the idea the the iPhone is nothing more than a vehicle for a popular PBS children’s show might seem, Apple engineers were surprisingly open about confirming it.

“Yes, the Elmo voice problem is bug 2341,” said a source working on the iPhone. “What bothers me more, though, is bug 1756. ‘Upon pressing Count With The Count, the Count sometimes only says prime numbers.’ I think it’s a problem with an array, but we haven’t been able to repeat it consistently.

“I’m happy to say, however, that Super Grover works like a charm. I personally spent a lot of time on that. I think people are really gonna like it. Heh-heh. Grover!”

Upon hearing this news, sources that for months had been discussing iPhone features such as web browsing, SMS and the revolutionary interface have suddenly backtracked.

“Come to think of it,” said the Wall Street Journal’s Walt Mossberg, “all those random access voice mail messages were from Big Bird.”

Apple sources think they should have Elmo’s voice ironed out by October.

32 thoughts on “iPhone Really Delayed.”

  1. arrays frakking with prime numbers… I doubt that. they should check their random algorithms again…

  2. 15 – number of the gods…

    As long as this doesn’t mean there is another bloody annoying ringtone circulating

    fifteen rules!

  3. Uppity muppets…grrr.

    Hey, I just woke up in time to go to bed!

    Good night, Nxxx. Good night John-Boy. Good night, Irene, good night. I’ll see you in my schemes.

  4. Wait — you mean I’ve been straining my indomitable will since January, concentrating ’til I’m cross-eyed to make a candlestick iPhone manifest in this temporal plane, and the real problem is Elmo’s voice? Aaaauuuuuuggggggghhhhhhh!!!!

    Why, this is… this is…

    Awww… I can’t stay mad at Elmo.

  5. He loves his crayons…his goldfish toooo…probably your shoelaces if you gave him a chance…who could stay mad at the little guy?

  6. Chabap ba-doom dap ba-doom, chabap ba-doom dap ba-doom, chabap ba-doom dap ba-doom, chabap ba-doom dap ba-doom, Trishhh, bennng plisshhhhhh.

  7. This is going to make Disney unhappy. Goofy, Mickey, The Donald, and Daffy may file suite claiming age discrimination.

    The Gigawatts problem was solved by using the recent output of the Tehachachpi wind farm.

  8. Ah come on, Mattel had the Elmo voice thing worked out years ago with that irritating ( and tickelish) little red turd ball. I thouhgt the Apple people had more on the ball than the Mattel bunch. Or could this be some kind of disinformation campaign by Apple to get a little free advertisement out of the Moltz type of rumor mongers.v

  9. Tickle me! Tickle me!

    noooooooooooooo not pinchies again!!

    Two finger gestures are for tickles

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