After last week’s disturbing news that Leopard was being delayed until October, the Apple community has become skittish. Rumors swept across the web today that, despite Apple’s assurances to the contrary, the iPhone was also being delayed.
Sadly, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has determined that these rumors may be true. According to sources close to CEO Steve Jobs, the reason for the confusion is that the iPhone is actually not yet a product in the physical sense.
“The iPhone,” said Jonathan Ive, “is currently a mental construct of Steve’s imagining that he – through sheer force of will – is attempting to manifest onto this plane of existence from his personal mental universe.”
At this point, Apple is simply uncertain at what rate Jobs’ will power will be able to make the iPhone completely physical.
According to Ive, “It could be tomorrow, it could be June or it could be next December. Steve’s concentrating as hard as he can.”
As bizarre as this sounds, it does explain why the iPhone has been as scarce as other imaginary devices like the perpetual motion machine and the all-meat high-definition television.
“We’d love to show it off more,” Ive said, “but it only tangentially intersects with our physical universe at certain times and only under the right conditions. In order to do the January keynote, we were beaming about 300 terawatts of photonic energy at the stage in order to weaken the laws of quantum mechanics and allow the iPhone to slip into reality.”
Asked if there were any health risks to attendees from sitting so close to such a high energy discharge, Ive suddenly became squirrelly and then pulled quickly away from the Arby’s drive-in window.
The company has asked that members of the Apple community visualize the iPhone in order to help Jobs bring it to reality.