Jobs Interview Transcript.

Steve Jobs appeared at All Things Digital today in a highly publicized interview by Wall Street Journal technology columnist Walt Mossberg.

What many Apple observers don’t realize, however, is that Crazy Apple Rumors Site Editor-In-Chief John Moltz joined Mossberg in interviewing the mercurial Apple CEO. Here is the unedited interview.

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MOSSBERG: Steve, welcome and, once again, it’s a pleasure to speak with you.

JOBS: Thank you, Walt. And… who is…?

MOSSBERG: Uh, I’m not really sure how he got up here…

MOLTZ: You know who I am, dammit!

JOBS: Uh, I don’t think… wait a minute. Did you call me at home yesterday?

MOLTZ: I’m not at liberty to discuss that. Besides, Walt and I are asking the questions here, pretty boy. Right, Walt?

MOSSBERG: Actually, it’s just me.

MOLTZ: Whatever. Now, Steve, is it true you engineered your return to Apple by creating a zombie army using dark voodoo and that Gil Amelio was one of your undead puppets?

JOBS: No.

MOLTZ: Oh. Huh. Really? I was sure I heard that someplace.

MOSSBERG: Well. Steve, let’s talk about the iPhone.

MOLTZ: Maybe from George Ou….

MOSSBERG: Now, I’ve played with one and, if it works as I experienced it, it seems set to revolutionize how people use their phones. What’s your vision for the mobile phone experience?

MOLTZ: Wait, wait, wait. Then why was Amelio so wooden? And Stan Sigman? You can’t deny there’s a pattern of zombie-like behavior in those you’re using to further your evil, albeit user-friendly, highly well-designed and shiny, schemes.

JOBS: No zombies. Walt, the iPhone is going to set a new standard for how people interact with their data on the go. The trick is to not dilute the experience as so many of these companies have. You can’t just shrink down a computer, you have to rethink the model.

MOSSBERG: Absolutely.

MOLTZ: Steve, let’s talk about hot chicks you’d like to put the meat to.

JOBS: Uhh…

MOLTZ: I’m just gonna throw out some names. Jennifer Fricking Connelly?

JOBS: Uh, well, she’s, um, very attractive, but…

MOLTZ: So, “yes”. OK, that was an easy one. Let’s see… Yvonne Craig.

JOBS: Who?

MOLTZ: Yvonne Craig. She was Batgirl in the ’60s Batman TV show.

JOBS: Uh, well, no. I mean, she’s got to be in her late sixties by now, right?

MOLTZ: 70 and still smokin’. Plus, because she was so hot in that Batgirl outfit and she was the green chick Kirk got it on with, she gets lifetime status. OK, you got that one wrong, but that’s OK. That was a hard one. Uh… Beyoncé?

MOSSBERG: I’d hit that.

MOLTZ: This is not about you, Walt! Sheesh.

MOSSBERG: I know. I’m just saying… I’d totally hit that.

MOLTZ: Quiet, you! Steve?

JOBS: Yes. Yes. Definitely yes.

MOLTZ: OK. Great. Well, I should throw that one out because Walt had to ruin it by blurting the answer out…

JOBS: Can we move on?

MOSSBERG: Steve, some have criticized Apple for removing the word “Computer” from the name of the company. What’s your level of commitment to the Mac?

JOBS: It couldn’t be higher. In fact, WWDC is going to feature some fantastic new announcements for the Mac platform. I’d encourage anyone concerned about our level of commitment to the Mac to stay tuned.

MOLTZ: Steve, talk about your relative preference for MILFs.

JOBS: Uh…

MOSSBERG: Well, I think that’s all we have time for.

MOLTZ: What?! There’s, like, another 45 minutes.

MOSSBERG: I want to thank Apple CEO Steve Jobs and I’d like to ask security to come up here immediately.

MOLTZ: Is there some sort of gift bag?

32 thoughts on “Jobs Interview Transcript.”

  1. Well, I suppose that with all of the potential possible acronyms that Mac-related topics could generate, it was only a matter of time before the words “Jobs” and “MILFs” would wind up in the same sentence.

    Excellent!

    Well done Herr Moltz. I was entertained and informed.

    Oh yeah, Nine!

  2. Quality post, but my Pants™ and myself both feel that yesterday’s post was MUCH funnier.

    I’ll give it a 6 out of 10.
    My Pants™ only give it 5 out of 10.

    Do try to do better tomorrow, John.

  3. Yeah John! Way to be assertive! Eye of the tiger, eye of the tiger! Show Uncle Walty who’s boss.

  4. This is classic CARS, destined to be remembered and revered by generations yet unborn, like Shakespeare and that kinda stuff. Four hundred years from now, academics will be busy researching and writing footnotes to explain what “Batman” was.

    In the meantime, I am studying the great CARS posts to see what makes them great. Once I’ve unlocked the secret, I’ll start my own blog using the secret, and make a fortune.

    But my blog won’t be about Mac Rumors. There are already plenty of rumor blogs. No, my blog will be innovative — trailblazing — boldly going where no blog has gone before.

    I’m thinking politics.

  5. Damn. You should have asked him about the pony and the sly look it was giving Jobs. Other than that, great post. I’ll take 1 MILF gift bag to 100, Walt.

  6. For what it’s worth, I’d hit that, too. Totally.

    (Beyonce, not Yvonne Craig. Let’s get that straight.)

  7. MOLTZ: Steve, let’s talk about hot chicks you’d like to put the meat to.

    I thought Steve was a vegetarian.

  8. “But my blog won’t be about Mac Rumors. There are already plenty of rumor blogs. No, my blog will be innovative — trailblazing — boldly going where no blog has gone before.

    I’m thinking politics.”

    Pioneer the way Sudo Nym!
    lol, that’s good stuff

  9. MILF Gift Bag is six words. You have to count all the words that the acronym represents.

  10. I’d like to think it was a MILF Gift Bag, but what about some confirmation? I’m getting jaded by all these unsubstantiated rumors.

    Or is it ennui? Look, a shiny thing!

  11. I don’t think any MILFs could be called “BAGS?”

    I’m just sayin…

    Beyonce’s butt is way too big. I’d not put the tofu pole to that. – S. Jobs.

  12. My, you deserve better than a BLT sandwich for that one, Monsieur Moltz : you show the real way a journalist…er…no…a blogger…a real man…everyone should conduct an interview.

  13. Hey “?”

    The iPhone delay is until June. If you’re sitting next to a calendar, June starts in a few hours. If you can’t find a calendar we’ll wait, but only for a couple of hours.

    After that you have to factor in the summer solstice, the vernal equinox, and the viscosity of Quaker State 15W50 at 163ºF.

    My nose itches.

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