Steve Jobs appeared at All Things Digital today in a highly publicized interview by Wall Street Journal technology columnist Walt Mossberg.
What many Apple observers don’t realize, however, is that Crazy Apple Rumors Site Editor-In-Chief John Moltz joined Mossberg in interviewing the mercurial Apple CEO. Here is the unedited interview.
MOSSBERG: Steve, welcome and, once again, it’s a pleasure to speak with you.
JOBS: Thank you, Walt. And… who is…?
MOSSBERG: Uh, I’m not really sure how he got up here…
MOLTZ: You know who I am, dammit!
JOBS: Uh, I don’t think… wait a minute. Did you call me at home yesterday?
MOLTZ: I’m not at liberty to discuss that. Besides, Walt and I are asking the questions here, pretty boy. Right, Walt?
MOSSBERG: Actually, it’s just me.
MOLTZ: Whatever. Now, Steve, is it true you engineered your return to Apple by creating a zombie army using dark voodoo and that Gil Amelio was one of your undead puppets?
MOLTZ: Oh. Huh. Really? I was sure I heard that someplace.
MOSSBERG: Well. Steve, let’s talk about the iPhone.
MOLTZ: Maybe from George Ou….
MOSSBERG: Now, I’ve played with one and, if it works as I experienced it, it seems set to revolutionize how people use their phones. What’s your vision for the mobile phone experience?
MOLTZ: Wait, wait, wait. Then why was Amelio so wooden? And Stan Sigman? You can’t deny there’s a pattern of zombie-like behavior in those you’re using to further your evil, albeit user-friendly, highly well-designed and shiny, schemes.
JOBS: No zombies. Walt, the iPhone is going to set a new standard for how people interact with their data on the go. The trick is to not dilute the experience as so many of these companies have. You can’t just shrink down a computer, you have to rethink the model.
MOLTZ: Steve, let’s talk about hot chicks you’d like to put the meat to.
MOLTZ: I’m just gonna throw out some names. Jennifer Fricking Connelly?
JOBS: Uh, well, she’s, um, very attractive, but…
MOLTZ: So, “yes”. OK, that was an easy one. Let’s see… Yvonne Craig.
MOLTZ: Yvonne Craig. She was Batgirl in the ’60s Batman TV show.
JOBS: Uh, well, no. I mean, she’s got to be in her late sixties by now, right?
MOLTZ: 70 and still smokin’. Plus, because she was so hot in that Batgirl outfit and she was the green chick Kirk got it on with, she gets lifetime status. OK, you got that one wrong, but that’s OK. That was a hard one. Uh… Beyoncé?
MOSSBERG: I’d hit that.
MOLTZ: This is not about you, Walt! Sheesh.
MOSSBERG: I know. I’m just saying… I’d totally hit that.
MOLTZ: Quiet, you! Steve?
JOBS: Yes. Yes. Definitely yes.
MOLTZ: OK. Great. Well, I should throw that one out because Walt had to ruin it by blurting the answer out…
JOBS: Can we move on?
MOSSBERG: Steve, some have criticized Apple for removing the word “Computer” from the name of the company. What’s your level of commitment to the Mac?
JOBS: It couldn’t be higher. In fact, WWDC is going to feature some fantastic new announcements for the Mac platform. I’d encourage anyone concerned about our level of commitment to the Mac to stay tuned.
MOLTZ: Steve, talk about your relative preference for MILFs.
MOSSBERG: Well, I think that’s all we have time for.
MOLTZ: What?! There’s, like, another 45 minutes.
MOSSBERG: I want to thank Apple CEO Steve Jobs and I’d like to ask security to come up here immediately.
MOLTZ: Is there some sort of gift bag?