Apple Execs Increasingly Worried About Tim Cook

After a number of tweets from Tim Cook over the past month, other executives at Apple have grown increasingly worried about the company’s CEO.

Three weeks ago Cook posted the following tweet without explanation.

Many assumed Cook would be following up with an announcement of record Apple services revenue, a new initiative in services revenue or some kind of services bundling deal, but no announcement was forthcoming.

Then, a week later, Cook tweeted:

As one of Cook’s go-to phrases on Apple’s quarterly conference calls with analysts, many did not take it as particularly odd, other than the capitalization indicating that he was shouting it.

Then things got weird.

On June 15th Cook tweeted:

This prompted a scramble within Apple PR and Legal as teams fielded questions from journalists and government officials while Cook was reportedly golfing, an activity no one knew he undertook.

Finally, things came to a head yesterday.

On a group video call late Tuesday, Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller, Senior Vice President and General Counsel Katherine Adams and Senior Vice President of Retail and People Deirdre O’Brien shared their concerns.

“What the actual hell?” Adams asked as the three joined the call.

“I don’t know,” an exasperated Schiller said.

“Do you think he meant ‘Mac fever’?” O’Brien asked.

“I have no idea!” Schiller shouted. “He’s totally off book here! And golf? That’s my thing! Everyone knows that!”

“Did he look sorta…” Adams hesitated. “You know… bronzed… on the last call we were on?”

“YESSS,” O’Brien exclaimed, her eyes widening.

“Oh, my god, totally,” Schiller added.

The executives vowed to keep an eye on Cook and keep notes on his increasingly erratic behavior in case they wanted to write a tell-all book on working with him after leaving Apple.

16 thoughts on “Apple Execs Increasingly Worried About Tim Cook”

  1. I started reading this item in my feed reader without noticing what website it was from. I was momentarily… alarmed. 🙂

    Good stuff.

      1. I have broken protocol! My sincerest apolovefe.

        Sorry I can’t rightly say “first” any more, because this comment is now eighth. I’ll leave it for the historians to debate.

  2. No sense of tradition.

    Sikth.

    Like the band. Only less screamy.

    Where are Nxxx, Ace and Steve, eh? Lightweights.

    I pronounce myself King of the Gigapost.

    All other posts must abase themselves before me.

    Verrily.

  3. Sorry I am late to the party. I was snoozing, and losing. I feel so refreshed and invigorated — you should try it sometime!

    Now, about Mr. Cook. Has he started holding his cup with both hands? Afraid of ramps? If he wore a mask I wouldn’t be so concerned, but it could be a pernicious infection…

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