Hotz-Mania Sweeps the Globe.

Just days after announcing that he had successfully hacked an iPhone so that it can be used on a service other than AT&T’s, New Jersey resident George Hotz has already become a media darling and his star continues to rise.

Already having appeared on CNBC last week, Hotz has a busy week ahead of him:

  1. Monday: Dinner at the White House (alone, strangely, as president Bush isn’t there).
  2. Tuesday: Will unlock an iPhone LIVE! on Good Morning America wearing goggles and a white lab coat, assisted by the New York Giants cheerleaders. Diane Sawyer will inexplicably refer to him as “Professor Hotz”.
  3. Wednesday: Stan Sigman will be brought before him, prostrate and pleading for his life. Hotz, however, is unmerciful, and kills the whimpering Sigman with his bare hands, mounting his corpse on the white picket fence outside his house as a warning to other long-winded cellular providers.
  4. Thursday: Will sign a three-movie deal with Miramax for “iUnlocked It! – the George Hotz story”.
  5. Friday: Hot chicks everywhere will declare that they’ve “got the hots for Hotz!”
  6. Saturday: Hotz flies to England to be knighted by the Queen. There is an uncomfortable silence when the Queen says “We also have the hots for Hotz! Yes. Quite.”
  7. Sunday: On the seventh day, Hotz – creator of the unlocked iPhone – will rest.

Asked what the big deal is about a dude with a soldering iron and an open social calendar, Apple Phone Show host Scott Bourne said “He hacked an iPhone, dude! Oh, my god! You can use it with a T-Mobile account now! Don’t you see?! This changes everything! He is our new master! All hail George Hotz!”

Bourne then admitted he really had no idea what the hell the big deal was, either.

28 thoughts on “Hotz-Mania Sweeps the Globe.”

  1. Slight problem, Queenie is a Blackberry user. Apparently horse racing results are the speciality. If it wasn’t for the possibility of getting banged up in the Tower, I might suggest she is a bookmaker, sorry, Turf Accountant.

  2. Is Hotz even a real name? It’s gotta be a DJ handle or some such. Holtz I would accept. Epstein would be better.

  3. I done seen somewhere else on the web today that 3 Israeli fellers done it too. Oh noes! It’s the Joos!

  4. Hotz is a real name, but it’s so exciting and dynamic compared to “George”.

    It’s like a parent naming their baby Frankleen Beelzebub Jebediah Elocution Monkeys Smith.

  5. Yes, he freed us from slavery to AT&T.

    “Don’t you see?! This changes everything! He is our new master!”

    Boy, that lasted, huh? Like Mr. Zimmerman said, “You’re gonna serve somebody.”

  6. Usually people whose name ends in tz are only lucid when heavily medicated.

    But still, guy like that would be handy to have around when the clock on the VCR needs setting.

  7. Re: #16

    He could be handy with the VCR clock, but he’d likely have to open the case and solder something together that would probably electrocute Grandma when she tried to use it.

  8. Moltz, Sunday is the first day- look at your calendar. So it means that he’s starting on the second day….. which is appropriate for any college student- you should never start on time, and pull all-nighters to get the job done.

    all nighters with hot chicks…..there are worse ways to go…

  9. “mounting his corpse”

    Am I the only one disturbed by the phrase out of context?

    … and Stan Sigman’s corpse, no less …

  10. DigiPants,
    What is exactly wrong with Frankleen Beelzebub Jebediah Elocution Monkeys Smith.

    You’ve made my mum cry.

  11. Reminds me of a young Thor Samson–I predict big things from this kid! I bet he’s already modding an iPhone into a far more desirable 200 GB video iPod.

    Sure hope so anyway. I really want one of those!

  12. Ok, let me get this straight… Dude hacks the iPhone, racks up a $99 mil bid for it on ebay, and then trades it for a Nissan??? Seriously… was that the best he could think of???

  13. Feh. If he can hack an iPhone to work with Tracfone, then he’ll have my attention.

    Because I don’t want to have to wait till 2015, which is when I predict it will actually happen.


  14. Oh snap! They found the right margin! (At least, in Safari. They’ve ruined my schtick.)

Comments are closed.