Apple today conducted an overdue intervention with certain customers who have engaged in a dangerous “lifestyle” of “hacking” their iPhones.
In a lovingly worded press release that clearly comes straight from the heart, Apple stressed that iPhone
hackers abusers should step back from the brink… and reevaluate their lives… before it was too late.
Apple has discovered that many of the unauthorized iPhone unlocking programs available on the Internet cause irreparable damage to the iPhone’s software, which will likely result in the modified iPhone becoming permanently inoperable when a future Apple-supplied iPhone software update is installed.
The only question is if the message will be received by its more ungrateful customers.
Apple senior vice president of worldwide marketing Phil Schiller said “We made this beautiful gift for you… and this is how you repay us?
“Please, think of your families. Think of how they feel when they see you jailbreaking your iPhone.
“It’s killing them! How can you be so selfish?!”
Other members of the iPhone user group community attempted to scare iPhone abusers straight.
“If you hack your iPhone,” said the Apple Phone Show‘s Scott Bourne, “you could end up with VD.
“Or in jail. Or lying in a ditch, face down in a pool of your own vomit with your pants around your ankles and…”
Bourne went on for five or ten minutes like that.
Apple insisted that the first step toward recovery is admitting you have a problem. The second step was, oddly, throwing your hacked iPhone out and buying a new clean one.
“It’s better to just start all over,” insisted Schiller.