Steve Jobs stopped at Japan airport for having Ninja throwing stars – The Loop

Apple CEO Steve Jobs was reportedly stopped at Japan’s Kansai International Airport because a security scan detected weapons in his luggage.

The weapons were Ninja throwing stars that Jobs was bringing back to the U.S. According to SPA Magazine, Jobs was returning home from a vacation in July when the incident happened.

Frankly, I’m a little steamed at Jim Dalrymple. What he’s done in reporting this is violate an unwritten rule of Apple coverage. Just as reporters in the 1930s helped cover up Roosevelt’s illness and in the 1960′s helped cover up Kennedy’s philandering, we in the Apple press community help cover up the fact that Jobs is a ninja. We’ve been doing it for years.

It’s one of the first things you learn! “Don’t talk about Tim Cook’s farting and don’t talk about Jobs being a ninja.”

In Jim’s defense, it’s stupid because it’s so obvious. I laugh every time someone makes a joke about his “black turtleneck” because it’s so obvious it’s not a turtleneck. It’s a full body suit he just wears jeans over. It’s like Superman just put on pants and everyone continued to ignore the fact that from the waist up he’s still Superman.

But shame on Jim for not mentioning he was going to do this on the elite Apple press email list we all belong to. We here at Crazy Apple Rumors Site (which, by the way, Wired, is trademarked in the state of Washington) have known of this incident since it happened back in July. But we did what good reporters do: we covered it up.

That’s our commitment to you: covering up the stuff you really shouldn’t know about.

Just moments after announcing its new premium subscription service, Macworld Insider, Macworld magazine announced its new premium premium service, Macworld Insider Insider.

“Macworld Insider gives you full RSS feeds, electronic access to back issues and full prima donna status in the Macworld forums,” said managing editor Jason Snell. “It’s the subscription service for the elite Macworld reader. The reader who’s a cut above the usual yahoos who read our magazine.

“Macworld Insider Insider, however, is for those above the elite.”

According to Snell and a press release written on the softest of lambskin in the finest India ink and delivered by a naked lady riding a white stallion, “Macworld Insider Insider is the Macworld magazine subscription service for the Illuminati of the Apple world, those who are influencers, opinion makers, those who pull the puppet strings.

“People like John Moltz.” (At least that’s what my press release said.)

For an undisclosed amount (because if you have to ask, you can’t afford it), Macworld Insider Insider subscribers will receive:

• More unneeded justification for their already overblown, smug feelings of superiority.
• A personal reading of each edition by a supine Andy Ihnatko, wearing nothing but a towel.
• Frequent calls throughout the day from editor Dan Moren to give you the “inside scoop” on what Steve Jobs is doing right now. Here’s an exclusive preview: “Hi. It’s Dan. No, he’s still eating the falafel, but he took a phone call about five minute ago from someone and said ‘Fine. Sure. OK.’ and then hung up. Not sure what that… I GOTTA GO I THINK HE SEES ME BEHIND THIS PLANT. [click]“
• Complete video of Chris Breen’s latest colonoscopy.
• One (1) Rob Griffiths, mint in box.
• “Complete access” to Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller, if you know what I mean.
• A Macworld tote bag.

In a comment thread on the article announcing Macworld Insider, readers — unaware of Macworld Insider Insider — bemoaned the fact that we live in a market economy.

“It is unacceptable to expect the working proletariat — the true engine of all economic activity — to have to pay for goods and services that ultimately are produced on their own backs,” said commenter Carl Marks. “Your capitalist exploitation will collapse under the weight of its own greed and be swept away by the fires of the coming glorious socialist revolution!”

Commenter Lenny Trotts agreed. “$3 A MONTH IS TOO MUCH SB FREE MACWORLD #FAIL”

While both Macworld Insider and Macworld Insider Insider are available immediately, video of Breen’s colonoscopy is still going through the post-production work Breen insisted on in order to make his colon look “stunning”.

(Disclaimer: I have been known to write for and receive payment from Macworld and there may be incriminating photos of me on the Internet drinking with some of their staff. Scandalous, really.)