This one‘s free because the fine folks at Macworld magazine already paid for it!
Of course there are no curse words or excessive use of the word “butt” or gratuitous references to Jennifer fricking Connelly.
Those we keep between the two of us.
Shhh.
Don’t tell Macworld.
We’re off for the week so perhaps you can use this time to think about what you’re thankful for.
And it better be the right thing, dammit.
Because it’s not like this holiday is all about you, you know. And what you’re thankful for.
Sheesh.
Get over yourself already.
…
I’ll bet you’re still thinking about what you’re thankful for, aren’t you.
That is so like you.
Always thinking of yourself. And what you’re thankful for.
Grateful bastard.
Well, screw you.
No.
Sleepy.
Verrrrrrry sleepy.
Shhhh.
Don’t speak.
Don’t.
Speak.
We really wanted to do a Help Desk, but illness has swept through the Crazy Apple Rumors Site offices like Sherman through Atlanta. You’d think with a staff the size of ours at least someone would be well enough but the problem is we have one of those water fountains that has a really weak spout so if one of us gets something, we all get it.
Admittedly, this is probably an aftereffect of staying out late drinking with our Apple sources last night, but how else are we going to get them soused enough to tell us all about the tablet device that’s going to be introduced at Macworld?
Sadly, that didn’t actually pan out as they passed out during the tequila course around 2 AM.
The only one not stricken horribly ill is the Entity who, now sporting the bod of Jennifer fricking Connelly, is just standing around striking seductive poses.
Thanks. That’s really helping. Thanks a bunch.
At any rate, you guys are pretty good at rolling your own Help Desk, so please have at it in the comments. Don’t mind us. We’ll just be lying on the couch and the floor in the break room moaning in pain and waiting for our Tom Yum soup to arrive from East & West Café.
I wonder if the delivery guy will think it’s weird if we ask him to spoon-feed it to us?
Shocking news came late this afternoon as – just hours after announcing a release date of October 26th – Apple announced that Leopard would be delayed again. According to the company, some late testing revealed that there were lingering performance issues on older Macs.
When asked which Macs were affected, head of Mac hardware engineering Peter Mehring said “Mostly Performas. For some reason it runs really slow on even a later Performa like a 6400. And that was a really nice machine. Despite what people said.”
Mehring said he thought it might be the Core Animation.
“Or, really, it could be an icon, actually. They’re a lot bigger than they used to be.”
Asked about the system requirements that state a G4 or higher is required, Mehring said “Oh, that? That’s wrong. I mean, why wouldn’t we get it working on as many machines as possible? Like the PowerBook 2400? Now that was a machine.”
Mehing thinks it will only take another 10, 14, 28 months to get one or two of the 300 Leopard technologies running on Performas.
“I’m sure everyone understands. Shouldn’t be long. Well, OK, kind of long. But, we’d hate to leave our Performa-using customers behind.
“Um… again.”
A huge news day today as CEO Steve Jobs announced that Apple would indeed be releasing an iPhone SDK as this site accurately reported was predicted last week.
Jobs said the development work would take some time as Apple was trying to come up with an effective way to skim a little off the top for Stevie ensure that the applications are secure.
Meanwhile, reports indicated that Apple would be selling an unlocked version of the iPhone in France, a surprising revelation considering the lengths the company has gone to to lock the phone to AT&T in the U.S.
Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that Apple has found another way to achieve its objectives. The unlocked version of the iPhone will cost 9, 000 Euros.
“There you go, you French whiners,” Steve Jobs reportedly said. “Happy fricking Bastille Day.”
Jobs seemed uninterested to learn that Bastille Day is actually in July, but added “I got your unlocked iPhone… right… here.”
And then he grabbed a part of his body where it was unlikely there was actually an unlocked iPhone, unless Apple will be releasing iPhone crotch holsters any time in the near future.
Jobs further added that French people could “mange” his “big, crusty baguette.”
“And by that I mean my junk,” Jobs concluded.
The French government declined to comment for this story.
Ha-ha!
No!
No post!
Instead, Pabst Blue Ribbon for everyone.
Please print this page out, report to your local beverage establishment and present it for your free draft beer.
Offer void, um, everywhere.