In the wake of Apple’s announcement late yesterday that former Vice President Al Gore had been elected to the company’s board of directors, President George Bush announced this morning that he would demand a recount.
“I am sure that when the votes are tallied again, Bush press secretary Ari Fleischer said, “Apple will find that President Bush was, in fact, named to the board, not Mr. Gore.”
Apple CEO Steve Jobs weighed in on the developing controversy by saying “I’m not sure what the heck he’s talking about. It was a unanimous vote. I can read it back to you. Jobs: yea. Campbell: yea. Drexler: yea…”
Adding to the confusion, MacNN had reported earlier in the day that Bush had, in fact, been elected to the board rather than Gore, but later retracted the story.
“Our exit polling was way off,” admitted MacNN news editor Nick Aziz. “I mean, apparently Bush wasn’t even on the… ballot… thingy… or whatever they use in board rooms.
“And, in retrospect, asking people coming out of a Promise Keepers meeting who they would have voted for was probably a mistake because, well, they’re not on the Apple board and are probably pretty heavily skewed toward Bush.
“I don’t know what we were thinking when we decided to do that.”
Several sources within Apple indicate that Gore may have been added to the board in an effort to make Jobs “look loose.”
“Steve has a reputation for being rather focused and megalomaniacal,” a source who spoke on the condition of anonymity said. “And Gore has a reputation for being focused and rather wooden.
“I dunno. Maybe that’s a wash.”
Apple’s press release described Gore as “an avid Mac user” who “does his own video editing in Final Cut Pro.” Gore’s wife Tipper is also described as a Mac user, one who “uses audio editing software to take the dirty words out of hard core hip hop and heavy metal songs.”
Other sources pointed out that Gore is a white male and therefore a perfect fit to the demographic of the Apple board.
The Bush administration indicated that if a recount was not successful, they would take the matter to the Supreme Court.
Apple Senior Vice President and General Counsel Nancy Heinen said that was fine because the Supreme Court has no real jurisdiction over Apple’s internal board policy.
“Just… just… leave it alone already,” Jobs said. “Jeez, you’d think the guy didn’t have enough to do right now.”