We’re off next week

But we’ll leave this thread open for you to talk amongst yourselves. Please take this as an opportunity to bond with your fellow Mac users.
Jeez, this place is going to be on fire when we come back, isn’t it.

1,060 thoughts on “We’re off next week”

  2. Hey, they’re having a super secret Cinco de Mayo party all ne week and they didn’t invite us. What bums! What jerks! Jeeze, have a super secret Cinco de Mayo party and not inviting us. We should have our own, even better and more secret, Cinco de Mayo party and not invite them. That would teach them. I guess The Entity could come if he wants seeing as we can’t keep anything secret from him, but NO ONE ELSE!!!! Well maybe Howard cause he’s so dog gone cute, but absolutely NO ONE ELSE!!! OK maybe Masako also, because she wouldn’t want to miss a party that Steve is going to be at, but NO ONE ELSE!!! I like exclamation points!!!!

  3. Actually, given the rate of destruction created by the burning but still cleansing flames used by the Inquisition, not only will your offices have been burnt to the ground, but they will have been napalmed, run over by steamrollers, ground up by industrial woodchippers, blown up by C4, but it will have even been shot. Yes, we will have shot your offices. Not while built, but once it’s been thoroughly fscked up we will come by with a pistol and shoot it once in the head to put it out of it’s misery. Yessir, it’s good to have access to flamethrowers and gasoline and fuel air bombs and….*proceeds to ramble on and on about explosives and fuels for explosives, and different flamethrowers, etc*
    And just to add insult to injury, we’re gonna get a lion to eat up the offices and crap it back out. But only because we really hate the paint on the outside. I mean, honestly, who paints a building that off white shade? It’s just so UGLY! It’s like you were thinking you’d go with white, but then halfway through dumped a bunch of brownish yellow paint in there to give it that dirtyed white look. Why, I’ve seen-smog? What do you mean, smog? The building IS white? It’s just dirty? Oh, forget the whole burning thing then. But we won’t clean it. For less than $12 an hour per person.

  4. “Jeez, this place is going to be on fire when we come back, isn’t it.”
    It’s already flaming!

  5. Lets steal the furniture while they are gone!
    I got dibs on Howards executive Chair

  6. I was invited to the Cinco de Mayo party, John told me that it’s going to be kickin’

  7. John, don’t worry. We’ll clean the joint up. In fact, we’ll be hiring one of those french maids with the feather duster and the little dress.
    Or two midgets with Cheeze Whiz. I really have to look at the work order.
    And yes, we’ll vacuum The Entity, despite the risk that using the ol’ Hoover wrong could lead to a sudden black hole in Cupertino, which might clear up some of the traffic on El Camino Real.
    Have fun at the ranch in Crawford.

  13. Don’t answer that…please…I think it’s best for all involved that we don’t know what you do with yourselves all day.

  15. I’m having problems getting my iMac to wake up from sleep. Is that help desk guy still there?
    Hello?
    C’mon, it’s Friday, I know you’re still there!
    …
    Hello?
    …
    …
    aw screw it.

  16. first thing, who said howard had a chair? i thought he had a comfy pillow that he sat on.
    oh and cinco de mayo is taking place over at my website, http://mypersonalgetaway.com. howard, john and even masako will be there.
    i just hope they are sober by next friday so we at least get a ccrazy help desk.

  18. I’m getting my first Mac next week… I’ll be getting rid of this Windows box and buying a brand new (sorta, only one month old) iBook.
    Please, welcome me with open arms into your world…

  19. Bond with my fellow Mac users? Okay. for the Cinco de Mayo party (on May 5 this year!), I’ll bring the duct tape if MacGruder can bring the Krazy Glue.

  20. Is this where i tell you all that i hate you? Because i do. I hate, loathe and despise you. All of you. 5% market share? still way to high for me! Get offa tha Mac! I’m special! I Am! Go away you losers!

  21. A man is walking across the street when he’s hit by a truck.
    Another man runs up and puts his jacket under the injured man’s head. He says, “Are you comfortable?”
    The injured man looks up and says, “I make a living”
    Its going to be a long week, don’t you think?

  22. Hang a banana on a string in the cage, with stairs under the banana. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb toward the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water.
    After awhile, another ape will make an attempt, but the result will be the same – all the apes will be sprayed with cold water. This should continue through several more attempts. Pretty soon, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes will all try to prevent it.
    Now, turn off the cold water. Remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape will see the banana and want to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes will attack him. After another attempt and attack, he’ll know that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
    Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer will go to the stairs and be attacked. The previous newcomer will take part in the punishment.
    Replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one will make it to the stairs and be attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him will have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.
    After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes, which have been sprayed with cold water, will have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape will ever again approach the stairs. Why not?
    Because that’s the way they’ve always done it, and that’s the way it’s always been around here.
    And that’s how company policy begins….
    TTFN extremely late at night Saturday Edition

  23. For your insights you have hereby been awarded with a gold star, an A++++, and this new lounge suit provided courtesy of the Inquis-Happy Apple Furniture Company…..
    Please feel free to use it as soon as possible without talking to anyone. Especially the green chair. Please use the green chair…..

  24. Hey hey, they left us without adult supervision, flip the server, drencvh it in oil and light a match, thats what i say!
    Any way i gotta say we should also trow stuff at those jerks at macrumors.com, those guys have such a frickin ego. Anyway, im makin myself comfortable, anyone stayin with me?!

  25. O Lord, hear my anxious plea
    Calculus is killing me
    I know not of ‘dx’ or ‘dy’
    And probably won’t until the day I die.
    Please, Lord, help me in this hour
    As I take my case to the highest power.
    I care not for fame or loot
    Just help me find one square root.
    And Lord, please let me see
    One passing mark in organic chemistry.
    Oh such a thing I constantly dread
    I’d just as soon join the Marines instead.
    Lord, please give me a sign
    That you’ve been listening all the time.
    Please lead me out of this constant coma
    And give me a shot at my diploma.
    TTFN Graduation Sunday Edition

  26. [quote] first thing, who said howard had a chair? i thought he had a comfy pillow that he sat on. [/quote]
    Hmm. He has a desk, not quite positive about the chair.
    http://www.crazyapplerumors.com/archives/000127.html#000127
    Two men are walking down the street and they come upon a dog licking himself. One man says “Gee, I wish I could do that.” The other one replies, “I think you should try to pet him first.”

  27. hello guys, you have been cought!!! I know that there is no soul reading these, these things! what ever! you are just writing these things among your selves. and a*** hole. come on. i know i am not native english speaker or writer but still. you don’t fool me. and how i know? yes i wonder that my self too. but you know these names you put here… Philo Farnsworth… come on. give it a brake!
    huh, and how did you know i like exlamation marks? are you in Finland? why are you doing this to me?!!!!!
    stop calling me!
    ….. a***hole.

  29. Okay, John, this is not going as planned. Just after the midgets and Cheeze Whiz arrived, someone set them on fire…and now we can’t seem to get this smell of burnt Cheeze Whiz and midget (kind of like an extreme cheese pig roast smell, maybe if the pig smoked six packs of cigarettes a day).
    Thankfully, we do have a working solution which we think will solve the smell problem. Napalm.
    Of course, you understand that we have to destroy the office in order to save it, right? Oh, by the way, does anyone know what temperature aluminum turns liquid?
    Thanks.

  32. Howard actually has a bench with a cushion on it. He tried using Vinz’s old swivel chair, but it kept sliding over and hitting Masako in the back when he’d jump up on to it.
    Fringe, I think that should be “FI-YA!”
    And Philo, I’m surprised Steve didn’t respond to your question about aluminum.
    Or is it aloominium?
    Now, if you’ll excuse me, we’re all meeting down by the pool for margaritas and water polo with some very nice Scandinavian flight attendants.
    OK, they’re guys, but they’re still very nice.

  33. i went down to the tfc on saturday and i bought some neat stuff.
    I was quite surprised at the number of vendors selling used apple stuff.
    i remember the first time i went, there was nary a used apple item anywhere.

  34. Cripes! I show up on a fine Monday morning, and what do I find. Chaos and anarchy. Or maybe sound and fury. Who knows? What a mess.
    There’s only one solution left. Boogie on out of here, and nuke the website from orbit. And, yes, you must *boogie* on out if you expect to be allowed on the lifeboats. Now boogie! Yeah, that’s the stuff I’m talkin’ ’bout. Dance, little pigs, dance.
    Now, men to the back, ladies over here by me and please strip completely. Yes, you have to. It’s a life raft requirement. It’s, um, science. OK, now- hey, is that Cheez-Whiz?

  35. (Non-editor’s note: This edition of CARS is brought to you by the CARS-reading literate population at large, whatever the hell that means. In other words, we’ll prove that Moltz and his ilk, whatever the hell that means, can be replaced by a committee.)
    (Whatever the hell that means.)
    ——————–
    CARS Monday Edition
    ——————–
    JOBS TO RELEASE OSX TO x86 ARCHITECTURE, PARTNER WITH DELL, KEEP PERSONAL JET AND WEAR BUTTONDOWN SHIRT
    In what industry analysists have called a “striking move, mostly because he didn’t wear his trademark black turtleneck, but was wearing a rather spiffy blazer and denim combination that highlighted his broad shoulders and middle-eastern-lineage coloring, but we digress,” Steven P. Jobs, chairman of the corporation formerly known as “the beleaguered Apple,” announced Monday that he had finally developed a business plan that would “kick Microsoft’s a***” [sic].
    Shockingly, the move had been called for by industry pundits, including readers of AppleTurns.com, MacMinute.com, CrazyAppleRumors.com and MacObserver.com, all of them more qualified–or at least more educated, anyway–to run Apple than Mr. Jobs himself. When asked to comment on his apparent blatant adopting of these readers’ suggestions, Mr. Jobs said, “I had a vision and it had nothing to do with The Entity (whatever the hell that means).”
    The plan, as Mr. Jobs revealed it, indicated that he believes that he has demonstrated that the iTMS can make enough profit to support the rest of Apple Computer (which ignited the personal computing revolution, whatever the hell that means) and his Gulfstream V jet, at least for the short term. “But in order to make iTMS really, really profitable–and by that I mean, ‘profitable enough to support my Gulfstream V jet until I die’–we have to get iTMS onto more PCs, not just those with Aqua-skinned Windoze XP interfaces.
    “People are just sick of Microsoft and its ‘user be damned’ attitude.” When asked just who “people” are, he pointed to a reporter in the front row who was sporting a Ferrari red-colored notebook that was making “vroom, vroom” noises and said “Him.” The reporter looked a little nervous before attempting to make protestations, but he was quickly removed from the premesis before he could say too much.
    “Anyway, as I was saying, people are sick of Microsoft and would gratefully embrace something better. We’ve already demonstrated that with iTunes for Windows. We’re now going to take it to the next level by releasing MacOS X for x86, priced at just $149.95. And it’s available today.”
    The collective assembly fainted, but was revived with sprinkles of Evian from bottles which were placed with personnel on hand specifically for that purpose.
    He then shocked the assembly further by stating that “As for new PC hardware, we’ve partnered exclusively with Dell in this venture.” When asked about the blue iPod and HP, he said that “Carly’s nice, but not _that_ nice (whatever the hell that means).” More Evian was required.
    He continued, “This way, we’ll actually make some money with MacOS X. I mean, look at the eMac and figure out how much the raw components cost, then subtract that from the prices were selling them at in the refurbs section of the Apple Store, and you gotta’ figure that we’re only making about $5 per machine and that’s _before_ the cost of MacOS X and its overhead–R&D, quality control, T-shirts, etc.–is included.
    “We’ll continue to make hardware; oh, yes, there’s no doubt about that. And we figure that that it will only erode hardware sales a little bit. People who want Macs now will continue to want Macs after we do this. But in order to make sure that we control more of the whole experience, Mike [Dell] and I have gotten together and decided to offer an AppleDesign by Dell line which will include MacOS X for free. Other Dell boxes will have MacOS X as a BTO option.”
    A mummer ran through the crowd, but he was quickly contained with cattle prods and a cage by security personnel. Attendees were told to stop murmuring because that was generally annoying.
    “In conjunction with this deal, Mike has agreed not to make flat panel integrated machines (similar to our iMac), servers (we’ll sell Xserves at Apple.com and at Dell.com), the Jukebox (what a piece of crap that was), and has agreed to sell Microsoft’s Windows OS at a premium over the MacOS X BTO option. It’s not as profitable for Apple, because their agreement with Microsoft dictates a substantially-lower-than $150 price point for Windows, but we think that the average consumer will want to save a few bucks. We’ll charge for upgrades, just like Microsoft does, of course, and they’ll be priced at our usual prices.
    Dell will handle all technical support, just as it does now, though they’ll handle all of the MacOS X-related support with one guy and his dog in a back room somewhere. That’ll be the entire call center because Mike and I don’t think call volume will demand anything more.”
    Steve then said…
    [your turn!!]

  36. “oh and one more thing.”
    At that moment a blinding ray of light fractured through Steve Jobs frame in a site strangely resembling when Neo went all up in that agent (remember, the movie that didn’t suck?).
    Under the facade of Jobs was revealed a large tasty ice cream cone. Which then murmured, “Eat me mortals! EAT MY SMOOTH SUCCULENT DAIRY PRODUCTS.”
    *cut to MacNN live keynote update*
    *Steve announces he is no longer vegan. Ice cream seems to be the new direction for iLife.
    [back to the next goon]

  37. “And now I’d like to introduce to you the latest in our line of Apple products, the iFlame!”
    He then proceeded to demonstrate the ease of use and superior interface of this, the Apple Flamethrower. While it does cost more than a traditional flamethrower, it’s capabilities more than make up for it’s inferior clock speed [whatever the hell THAT is supposed to mean]. Capable of projecting a flame hot enough to scorch the flesh off a human body in several seconds, at a range of almost 50 yards long, for a time period of several hours, it also includes an iPod holder (iPod mini users are expected to use the armband that came with their mini) compatible with all models featuring the dock interface. Additionally, it is Airport and Rendezvous enabled [whatever THAT is supposed to do] and features the latest version of Mac OS X Flamethrower, aka Inferno. All power for Airport and Rendezvous is apparently generated through a micro thermal power generator that leeches some of the heat from the system (and thus acts as a coolant), thus spawning instant theories about Apple proceeding to make all it’s chips run as hot as is feasibly possible, thus providing a theoretical Powerbook G5 that could run FOREVER.
    It features a Super Drive, VGA and DVI output, and a 1.2 Ghz G4 as options, with the capability to hold 1.25GB of RAM. ATI Radeon 9200s are standard with 64MB of RAM. Firewire and USB 2.0 ports are also present, though Apple has since declined to comment on the potential that this is just a flamethrower with an iMac that will in no way work placed inside.
    Apple has continued to follow its trend of using plastic in it’s i line, and the iFlame features a case made of the same plastic case used in the iBook, iMac, and eMac….in military grade form.
    After this final product announcement…….

  38. Oh no! If Apple is making a flamethrower that produces that much heat, they must have switched to Intel processors!!! No! No! No!
    Wkat about the G6, maybe IBM would be willing to make it produce more heat instead of less. Anything but switching to Intel chips.
    Sob. whimper. sob.
    Come here Howard, I need a face licking. Good boy!

  39. p.s. I knew I was right about the secret Cinco de Mayo party. Those rats.

  40. ice cream and flamethrowers, now this is just unpossible.
    me fail english?

  42. CARS Guest Reporter :
    Mac users smile ever so slightly as Sasser Worm hit Windows machines.
    “I’m not smiling.” said Tim Flangski, an IS director with an all Mac network. Fighting back a slight smirk as he continued, “It’s terrible what is happening to all those Window machines. Not that I’m saying the hackers who did this are ‘terrible people’ mind you, just misguided, let’s just call them mischievous.” When asked if the authors of the Worm worry him, Tim replied, “Yes! These guys could make my life hell !!!! I don’t want to piss them off, and have them start writing worms for the Mac. I see all my friends working all kinds of long hours with their Windows networks. Do you think I want that! Do you think I’m stupid enough to taunt them by saying ‘Mac’s are invincible.’ or ‘Bring it on!’. Let Gates give them a challenge with his “security is our top priority”. Mac users should just enjoy this moment quietly, I mean any else would be undignified and un-sports-man-like. That’s all I have to say about it.” Tim then walked back to his server room, where you could hear a muffled “OH YEA BABY !!!” and through the small window you could see him doing the “NO-WORM-HERE” dance.

  43. Geez, no wonder they ain’t taking submissions.
    Like Homer Simpson once said, “I’m a wanna be league bowler, I wanna be a league bowler!”
    TTFN Bad Case of the Mondays Edition

  45. stop speaking spanish, moltzi boy. En fuego= the fire.
    its boring reading long and convoluted posts by people thinking they are funny. It is much better when the CARS people post stuff that everyone knows isnt funny, but laughs at any way, out of pity.
    At least then there is some laughing.
    I mean who gives a flying nun what graphics car is built into the iFlame? anyone? no. i thought not.
    ~ozi

  46. Irregardless of the computer end of the iFlame, I’ve purchased several thousand. Don’t ask how, or why. Just accept that I have people I need to render into smoking piles of ash.
    We’re off to burn the heretics, the wonderful heretics wrapped in gauze doused in gasoline!

  47. Um, I wasn’t trying to be funny… I was being serious!!
    I mean, could anyone actually make up crap like the stuff I posted earlier?
    I didn’t think so.
    So, stop yer laughin’. Right now! Yes, you! Quit it! Stop!
    I mean it.
    [The scary thing is I got to actually _believing_, pardon my split infinitive, that what I wrote might be a good idea, may come to pass, and made some sense. I had to go to the basement and hit myself over the head with an Apple Extended Keyboard II until I snapped back to reality.]
    [“It’s” is the contraction of “it is.” “Its” is the possessive form of “it.” Don’t ask me why–I didn’t invent this stuff.]
    [Those ADBKBII’s leave a mark, by the way.]
    [Don’t try this at home, kiddies.]
    [Whatever the hell that means.]
    Bill

  49. Well I can’t let this thread languish at 49 comments… It just wouldn’t be appropriate.
    You know, John, I had a friend who used to sing the Norwegian national anthem to my college dorm via a voice-mail, delivered every Norwegian-independence-day-equivalent holiday. I think you could post it to play as someone enters the site.
    …Because it’s the only thing I can think of that’s more annoying than you taking a whole week off.

  50. From the Sea Monkey Worship Page (http://www.seamonkeyworship.com/faqfighting.htm)
    Q. My Sea Monkeys are attached, but I don’t think they are mating?
    A. They may be fighting. If they both have “whiskers” under their chins, then you are right — what you are seeing is two males fighting. The females don’t generally fight.
    Q. Why are my Sea Monkeys fighting?
    A. Although they are peaceful creatures, Sea Monkeys will fight for many reasons. Perhaps they fight to establish dominance, perhaps to gain access to rare resources (such as food), or perhaps to gain the love of a good woman (although much like human females, they are not impressed!)
    Q. Should I separate the Sea Monkeys when they are fighting?
    A. you’ll have to go to the site find out the answer to this and other super interesting Sea Monkey Goodness!
    TTFN Salmon Patty Tuesday Edition

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