We’re off next week

But we’ll leave this thread open for you to talk amongst yourselves. Please take this as an opportunity to bond with your fellow Mac users.
Jeez, this place is going to be on fire when we come back, isn’t it.

1,060 thoughts on “We’re off next week”

  1. Just in CASE nobody here has ever heard of this site before…
    http://www.homestarrunner.com
    It sits on par with the kind of amusement you get from this site, but built out in Flash goodness. (yes, I said Flash goodness, as opposed to the large volume of Flash badness wanking around on the net)

  2. yes, some of those flash pages make quite a mess, gunking up entire sections of the information superhighway… They really should get their hands off it.
    darned flashes… they should all be nuetered at birth.
    or iFlamed. Either one would fix the mess.

  3. CARS WEDNESDAY EDITION
    Apple set to release new products!
    In a bid for ultimate supremacy in any and all markets, Steve Jobs has announce that Apple Computers, Inc. will release…everything. Yes, everything. Anything and everything that has never been released will be announced as an Apple product. This includes every version of a Mac that has been rumored to exist, such as the infamous Intel Macs, the Mac with Windows PPC, and the Tablet Macs.
    Additionally, products completely unrelated to computing in general have been released, as well as products that are in no way profitable but simply don’t exist yet. Apple has limited this release to items that are conceiveable under current technology, so the G6 Mac doesn’t yet exist.
    Most notable amongst the products released was Microsoft’s Longhorn, which left the crowd stunned and confused. Lawsuits are rumored to have been filed, and Steve Jobs could not be reached for comment as he was busy making faces at Bill Gates via a teleconference. Also noticeably present were perfected versions of Linux, OS X 10.4, every and all 2005 model cars, Half Life 2, Halo 2, Xbox 2, Playstation 3s, and one product known as the Game Boy Super Advance Ultra Mega Version that is identical to Nintendo’s Game Boy Advance SP, but features cushiony handgrip areas, and receives additional power straight from the user thus lengthening battery life, and retails for $125 US. Nintendo CEOs commented after the unveiling, “Well hell, why didn’t WE think of that?”.
    Steve Jobs then returned to the stage and made one final statement, “While we have infact unveiled for you now every product feasibly possible with current technology, we would like to note Sexbots are still not available.”

  4. they release everything, except the one thing which I really, desperately crave… *sighs sadly*
    I’m going home to a cold be tonight. Damn you Jobs….

  7. APPLE, NEISTAT BROTHERS RELEASE NEW IPOD AD
    In a shocking move sure to encourage scads of twenty-somethings to buy more iPods, Apple has teamed up with the Neistat Brothers to release a new iPod ad. The ad, named Wild Postings and available for viewing on Apple’s Web site ( http://www.apple.com/ipod/ads/wildpostings.html ), features an Ashton Kutcher wannabe listening to an iPod on the streets of New York. As he passes by a wall plastered with iPod ads, the silhouettes in the posters begin dancing, then simultaneously hold up signs which declare “IPOD’S UNREPLACEABLE BATTERY LASTS ONLY 18 MONTHS.”
    “We really wanted to capture the feel of the iPod in the commercial,” said Casey, the younger and more rebellious of the twin Neistat brothers by six years. “I mean, we proved conclusively with our earlier work ( http://www.ipodsdirtysecret.com ) that iPod’s unreplaceable battery lasts only 18 months. We just figured that we’d capitalize on that and extend it by saying ‘hey, in this age of disposable products and disposable income, why not buy a disposable iPod?'”
    When asked about the new commercial, Senior Vice President of Worldwide Product Marketing Phil Schiller told us, “Well, I can’t really go into specifics, but letting them direct an iPod ad was one of the conditions in order to get those annoying brothers to stop spray painting our posters and hanging around outside the Apple campus smoking pot. the other condition was Chez Whiz. A lot of Chez Whiz.”
    When asked just how much Chez Whiz, Phil Schiller replied, “I really can’t go into details.”

  8. Apple to Build House for Neistat Brothers
    During a surprise press conference, the Brothers Neistat said “Nanny nanny boo boo, we got you!” and thumbed their noses in the general direction of Cupertino, California, headquarters of Apple Computer.
    Apparently, Senior Vice President of Worldwide Product Marketing Phil Schiller didn’t know the difference between “Cheez Whiz,” a food product of the Kraft Corporation (web.kraftfoods.com/cheezwhiz/), and “Chez Whiz,” a plan the Brothers Neistat have had on their drawing boards for several years for a well-proportioned, 10,000 square foot residence named using a mix of words representing their French heritage and egos. The contract, according to the Neistat Brothers’ lawyer, Hugh Louis Dewey of the law firm Dewey, Cheetham, and Howe, which also represents other famous brother pairs such as Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers, said, “It’s ironclad. Apple isn’t going to get out of this one!” and proceeded to do his famous “Dance of Victory,” which looked much like a hippo tango.
    Apple Computer could not be reached for comment.

  9. Let me assure you, Bill, that both Phil and I know the difference between Cheeze Whiz, Cheez Whiz, and Chez Whiz. I was trying to make a (I guess too subtle) reference to Ferris Beuler’s Day Off as well. Ah well.

  10. Microsoft announces “Angus”.
    In in move to take the attention away from Apple’s Press release about ‘Tiger’, Microsoft announces the successor to Longhorn. Bill Gates commented on the announcement by saying “Well after Longhorn there will be Angus, then Gelbvieh, followed by Hereford. We are very excited about our big steer line up for our new OS. Yeeeehaaa !!”. Mr. Gates was wearing a little cowboy hat and had two cap gun six shooters that he continually was shooting off. “Sure Apple’s big cats are sleek, sexy, and powerful sounding. But our market research shows that the farmer/livestock market will be the next big boom area for computers. Yipeeeee!”
    MacStansbury was asked to comment on the MicroSoft announcement, but he was much to busy playing with his homosexual sea monkeys (dude, what they are doing isn’t called ‘fighting’).

  11. great. them Neistat Brothers made me so mad that I threw my keyboard down on my desk, and now I can’t find my F10 key.
    have you seen it? man this is annoying.
    when it hits something hard, like your desk, the ground, middle management, the keys fly off, like they aren’t meant to be hurled with great force. the other keys, like the space bar, snap right back in, like they are meant to fit back in there, like after it was hurled with great force.
    but I just can’t find the F10 key. well, look under the desk…
    so now, all I can think about is that the world is going to get attacked by alien pirates, and the only way we can stop it is by infecting it with a virus, but for some reason I’ll need the F10 key, and then I won’t be able to get the virus uploaded and the world will die because of me.
    look behind the cabinet. behind. behind. BE. HIND. nothing? annoying.
    great. now the whole world really _will_ hate me. now where are my viruses?
    TTFN Wednesday ID4 Edition

  12. But the next gen of os-s are ging to be named after the rabbit family not the cat family.

  13. Hate to tell you, but we did that story, Laemkral. And you forgot crank-powered iBooks.
    -Moltz
    Wait, when??? Maybe I’m subconsciously channeling previous versions of CARS data.
    And I didn’t forget the crank powered iBooks, they are in there, just not mentioned. But mmmm mmm this iPower (Apple’s energy drink) is delicious.

  14. Its . . . almost . . . Thursday. Its no good. You have to go on without me.

  15. So, the secret Cinqo de Mayo party was a smash. Literally. Boy will John be surprised when he gets back to the office.
    And who knew that the Entity could make a guacamole dip that was out of this world!
    And for those who care, yes, my grandfather did change his name from Schmidt to Smith. He just wanted to fit in. Is that so bad? Who among us wouldn’t change their name from Smith to Jean Valjean if they moved to France?

  16. Let’s keep going guys, we can make it to 100 posts if we all work together!!!! We didn’t leave Spiro back at post 66 for nothing. Remember we didn’t give up when the German’s bombed pearl harbor, we can’t give up now!!
    Remember the Alamo !!!, you know that movie that opened last week, well that sucked, but they still made it anyway. Let’s go for it !!!!!!

  19. yyyyyyech, j. So much for this being a high-class board. Sorry John. All good things, you know…

  20. Okay…we managed to scrape the burnt midgets off the wall (by the way, does anyone know if Michael Eisner is, uh, missing?) but we still haven’t come up with a way to sop up all that liquid aluminum. The sponges just keep catching fire…and so does the cleanup crew. Let’s just say a few more people will be missing that Friends finale tonight.
    The only thing left (that hasn’t melted or burned to a crisp) seems to be Howard’s fur…interesting stuff.

  24. First post (for me at least). Pulling together with the rest of you yahoos to get us to the magical 100. No whimsical insights. Maybe later.

  26. 100 posts! Your insane! We can’t make 100 posts. The engines just won’t take it. Damn it Jim I’m holding this ship together with bailing wire and spit as it is and you want 100 posts. You can explain to StarFleet how YOU lost another ship. 100 post, what a sheep swapper.
    Scotty
    Chief Engineer & bottle washer.

  27. All who say 100 is impossible are heretics in my eyes, but then again so is half the world so no big deal. Just remember, keep saying whatever is on your mind without letting your brain have any part in the decision process. The more rambling and inanity the sooner and easier reaching this goal will be. Now do it or we throw you into the pyres of what used to be the CARS office building.
    POST YOU WEAKLINGS! SHOW THEM WHO YOU ARE!!!

  29. In terms of posting, I did.
    In terms of posting, you need to.
    If we don’t get at least a hundred, the Moltzinator will be angry.
    If the Moltzinator is angry, there will be carnage. And not the wholesome kind of carnage that you get from lighting up a flame war on a message board. This is the kind of carnage that would make milk curdle, soda flat, and salted peanuts become unsalted.

  30. Huh? Phil knew something about Ferris Bueller?
    Google don’t know nothin’ about Chez Whiz, so apparently the Neistat Bros. didn’t fill the billionaire Google Guys in on the reference, either.
    No, really, I don’t remember that reference at all. Can you clue me in?
    (I remember “Better Off Dead” much better. John Cusack could kick Matthew Broderick’s a**** any day, you know.)
    (Hmmm. I wonder how I managed to pick up another letter in “a****.” Wonder what it might be?)

  33. Hey guys, its Friday night! I tricked you into leaving me behind so the pathos would motivate you to keep trying then I ran ahead 20 posts and waited to pop up and show you I’m alright, thereby generating an energy-giving surge of high spirits to help us complete the journey.
    Guys?
    Hey, guys?

  34. Hey, look. I… um… posted. Here are some links.
    http://www.x-plane.com -> good flight sim. Click on “X-Plane’s Secret” in the top right corner for fun.
    http://www.orbitersim.com -> Space sim. It’s not made for mac. SHAME ON THEM. Er… him. Really, its one guy at some univeristy in England. So maybe… he just doesn’t know how. Someone out there willing to tell him how? No? Ok. Nevermind then.
    http://www.nucor.com -> Steel company, the subject of an assignment I’m supposed to be doing now.
    Your star BURNS! I require FROZEN TREATS!
    Yeah.
    Let the record show: I posted.
    Really.
    I did.

  37. Have you also punched babies in anger because they were being a dick?
    PA rocks! Not, Pennsylvannia PA, Penny Arcade PA.
    What do you mean you don’t know of Penny Arcade?? HERETIC! BURN!

  39. You want 100 Posts ?
    You really want a hundred posts ?!?
    YOU CAN’T HANDLE 100 POSTS !!!!!

  40. so what if john doesn’t speak fluent spanish. us westernwashingotonites don’t need to speak spanish. only easternwashingtonites

  41. I guess Spanish isn’t the best language to keep things going. On a vaguely related topic, has anyone investigated the Italian/CARS connection? (Apparently their one ad is targeting that silent majority of Apple enthusiasts from Sicily) I’m wondering if there’s not a couple or three CARS employees hiding out in the witness protection program. Here’s hoping no one is waking up next to equine parts or staying asleep with the fishes.

  46. You heretic! THAT IS CHEATING! Each person is supposed to contribute one at a time! Stacking comments like that is just flawed and makes the achievement not worthwhile. Some more people need to post now in order to validate our self worth so we achieve 100 the proper and non spamming way!
    And then we get to burn you alive and ram stakes into your chest.

  47. (Ouch. That would hurt, which would be the point, I guess.)
    Oh! Now I get the Chez Whiz reference. But does that mean Phil was going to build them a restaurant?
    (Confused look on face. Pretending not to get it.)
    So this is comment 102, or, in light of MacStansbury’s comment stacking, virtual comment 100.
    Bill

  48. This process of getting to 100 posts has seemed so flawed. I feel unclean. Like I just finished using a PC. I think the only way to get past it is to go for 200 posts.
    When is John due back, anyway?

  49. Intel Scraps Chips to Give Apple a Chance to Catch up
    In a bizarre move of good sportsmanship Intel has stopped development on it’s chips. An Intel representative was quoted as saying “It just not fun any more. I mean we’ve been kicking Motorola’s ass for years now. And then when we think we are finally go to get some competition from IBM, they can only deliver, like 17 G5 chips. We got in this business for the fast paced excitement, and we’re going to just take a break until Motorola and IBM can get their act together.”

  50. Geez. I hate it wen the CARS staff is on vacation. I have to get my news from places like http://www.theregister.co.uk or google news. As interesting as those news sites are they never come close to the content of CARS.
    I mean nowhere in Google News could I find information about the crank powered iBook or in depth exposes on Chris Breen’s ruthlessly expensing his vacation as work. I have to admire your journalistic integrity in bringing us information no one else has the courage to bring us. So thank you CARS and please for the love of dog get back. I’m cracking up here.

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