Someone, Somewhere Upgrades To Run New Care Bears Game.

Somewhere in the Macintosh community, someone has decided to upgrade in order to run the new Care Bears game that began shipping today.

Sitting bolt upright in his chair, Mac user Paul Kafasis sensed a disturbance as the unnamed individual made the decision to upgrade from his 200 MHz Power PC.

“I don’t know where or who, Kafasis said, “but I felt it happen.

“It was horrible. Horrible.

“I mean… you’re using a 200 MHz machine… and you upgrade to play the Care Bears. That’s gotta be a new low in human existence.”

The new Care Bears game requires a 300 MHz G3 or better, freezing out at least five existing Mac users. While at least one shadowy user has decided to upgrade because of its stiff requirements, another is determined to stay with his current machine.

“I don’t care what newfangled game comes out,” said Performa 6400 owner Jeff Mattson. “Sure, the eight mini games in Care Bears: Let’s Have A Ball sound exciting, but it’s a gateway game! You start out upgrading to enjoy some bears bowling and playing soccer or whatever the crap, and then you have to get a few more megahertz to zap some alien sprites and finally you’re running out to get a G5 with the latest graphics card so you can play Halo in fully-rendered 3D textured glory the way God meant it to be played!”

Taking a few deep breaths to compose himself and wiping his brow with a handkerchief, Mattson said “No thank you. Not for me.

“Particularly since I just got off of heroin.”

While a number of concerned Mac users have formed a search party to find the individual who will be upgrading to play the Care Bears: Let’s Have A Ball, Kafasis offered to personally beat Mattson over the head with an Apple extended keyboard.

39 thoughts on “Someone, Somewhere Upgrades To Run New Care Bears Game.”

  1. Earthsaver is WRONG! Muah ha haha. Shayne is RIGHT!

    Of course, there wasn’t a Mac with a 200 MHz G3, but they certainly didn’t start at 300.

    Why yes, I am a pedant.

  2. Ooh, yeah I could really go for some of that 11th post goodness right about now. Mmmm… yes.

    *rubs hands together and quivers*

    It’s been like…

    *lengthy pause*

    a week… since I’ve last had some 11th post. I really need it. I… enjoy it very much.

    *bloodshot eyes dart about wildly for a moment*

    Do you… do you have any? Any 11th? Some for me?

    *stares into empty darkness*

  3. Believe me, being hit around with an apple extended keyboard hurts far more than just the usual kind. 😮 Lotsa pain!

  4. Man, them’s some stiff system requirements:

    Macintosh Requirements:

    • System 9.0

    • OSX or higher

    • 300 MHz Power PC Processor

    • 32 MB RAM

    • 250 MB free hard disk space

    • 256 color display

    • 640X480 resolution

    • 8X speed CD-ROM

    • Mouse

    • Printer

    I’m gonna have to get me another one o’ dem 16 MB RAM doohickeys. Maybe a faster CD-ROM too.

  5. I’ll bet my old 200 mhz MPower 604e clone could ‘handle’ the Care Bear game! Ok, so there’ll be some stutter as the ball is rolling down the bowling alley lane….

  6. Ah, basking in eleventh post goodnessÂ…ooooÂ…that feels good. Is it my imagination or is it especially presumptious todday.

  7. Erm, why do you need a printer to play the Care Bears game? To print out high scores to show your friends, perhaps?

  8. Sorry for injecting some real incredulity into this discussion, but the system requirements for the game include a printer. Like, WTF? A PRINTER? I guess I don’t meet the minimum system reqs., and furthermore I guess that I’m not alone. Furthermore, just “a printer”? Will a dot-matrix work? Pen plotter? Daisywheel? Exactly what portions of the game will not work if you don’t have a printer? I’m guessing it’s something to do with “Complete all the levels to unlock and print exclusive collectible Care Bears posters!”, but does that mean that the game just up and prints stuff if you complete the levels, and if there’s no printer it lights your computer on fire? (“lp0 on fire”)

  9. addendum:

    Has anyone heard the scandalous rumor that the Bears don’t even Care anymore? Not one hoot.

    …especially since Grossman’s out for the season…

  10. If you buy a plush Care Bear at the toy store you get a FREE!!!! VHS tape circa 1984 with what I assume to be one of the original TV episodes from that era. You know the kind of VHS tape that has /just enough/ tape for the video without wasting a precious inch of magnetic goodness? Oh yeah.

    Don’t ask me how I know this information because I won’t tell you. Ever. Never…uh, Ever and/or Never… whichever is applicable to this situation.

    Oh, and my G3 400 MHz box’s printer will never see this game. Mwhaa ha ha ha. Take *that* system requirements!

  11. “When I’m with you I don’t know whether I should study neurosurgery or go and see the Care Bears movie.” — Al Yankovic

    If somebody has a daisy wheel printer that they got to work with their Mac I for one would be very impressed.

  12. I will hazard a bet that like my 3-year old daughter’s Winnie the Pooh game, you can print out pages for coloring Care Bears….

  13. Really, she does play it. Not me. Except for the Tigger game, what a hoot! Oh, are you all still here??? Shutting up…

  14. I know it’s against CARS Poster Policy to actually write a real, honest-to-goodness reply, but (and this is a BIG BUT!! — there, now it’s a CARS approved post) As the Apple Turns actually wrote an article about another Care Bears game by the same company a while back…

    Buyer beware!! If ValuSoft is at all like it used to be, this game is little more than a cruddy port from the Windows version, with little if any tech support.

    As if anyone would actually buy a Care Bears game anyway. Pfft!!

  15. It is possible with the Grumpy Bear as happy? If and the applause

    Bear obtains assault, smile his boring is done!

    Move the friend Bear, kick the soccer ball according to the purpose of the rainbow for victory.

    As for the Funshine Bear we would like to catch the sphere where the bucket colors, but he when exactly being correct, needs that the stick is attached!

    The Bear and the love lot of movement Tenderheart withstand the fact that the nul of those everything bubbles. Pop is removed in order to expand happiness anywhere!

    Hit against the foot fin, nudge maintain at the partner of the star of the going to bed time Bear of the wake of of calm the air you

    delimit the sphere!

    Repel the part of the tube in order to insert sphere in the bucket.

    When it is hard, it is, that but when the bucket is full, prayer as

    for the request of the Bear which goes truth comes.

  16. Was that a Mega-Post spammer? Or have all the Mega-Post regulars been taken over by creepy alien spambots?

  17. Del wrote: “I’m not a spam bot! I’m a sexbot :P”

    Bull!! Post a photo of yourself to prove it!

  18. Any news of a ‘My Little Pony’ game on the horizon?




    Ho hum.

    ‘Tossles’ was my favourite.

  19. 😛

    I will never admit to having pictures online.. though I’ve heard a few from Pennsic and Sci-fi cons have made it onto the web.

    That is all I will say.

  20. Please help…

    looking for marketing trends and narrow vs. broad market business model supporting Care Bears game.

    We are looking at the possibility of releasing a “Care Bears RPG online screensaver” for the G4.

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