Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.


Well, look, here’s the thing about today’s Help Desk.

It’s been cancelled.

I know that will be a great disappointment to you all as I know you love the Help Desk (we hate it, by the way), but after reading it and editing it and putting it down for a while and then spilling some of my Sloe Gin Fizz on it and then re-reading it and then using it to jot down my lawyer’s phone number after getting called by Wil Wheaton’s people, I finally had to kill it.

See, we had this idea that it would be really cute to have kids answer the Help Desk questions. They’re so precocious and just a bunch of darlings all of them.

Except Timmy.

Little bastard.

As you know, though, children (except for Timmy) are god’s most precious gift to us and they are our country’s greatest resource.

After fossil fuels.

And sorghum.

And… um… plutonium.

But they’re a solid fourth.

Which is up from last year.

They finally beat out scrap iron.

Good for them.

But the thing is, the kids that we got really didn’t know anything about Macs or Apple or iPods or… anything, really.

Now, maybe it was a mistake getting a bunch of one-year-olds, but they’re just so damned cute!

Except Timmy.

So, please accept our apologies, but trust me, you’re better off. It was bad.

Not that this is much better.

Well.

Um…

So…

How’s by you? Plans for the weekend?

Uh…

Hmm.

33 thoughts on “Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.”

  2. Jeeze, once again, didn’t even try. My net is really slow right now though. I wish my neighbor would get faster net for me to use.

  6. A “Sloe” is a kind of plum found in parts of Europe.

    You have to wonder how desperate for a drink someone had to be to ferment wind plums, not knowing whether it would turn out righteous or deadly. Not that I would ever experiment like that.

  12. Crap!

    Moving on, why didn’t Moltz give *us* the questions then? We’re precocious too — we could have answered them. In fact, ours would have been precocious *and* involved sexbots, I’d like to see some cute little ankle-biter beat that!

  13. It’s about 5 a.m. on a Saturday, but a Sloe Gin Fizz sounds pretty good. Probably because I’ve never had one, and my fiancee is out of town, so I’m really bored. I’m wondering how it would taste with an Eggo waffle.

  15. Waaaaaaaaaah! hWaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaaaa-hhh-waaaaaa! Waannaaa heppi-dek! Wanna! Wanna! Wanna! Wanna! Wanna! Aiiiiiiiieeeeee!

  16. Timmy was the only one I liked. All the rest were smug little gits who spent the whole time extorting lashings of ginger beer from their poor bemused ‘Uncle Quentin’.

    I see Howard’s hand in this character assassination of Timmy.

    Shame on you Howard.

  20. Do we happen to have any rabid wolves here? Like, maybe one that would be willing to eat Timmy? Chew him up at least?

  26. I’ve got a one-year-old (er, nearly two). She could beat you with a stick, Huck, and steal the eleventh post from you too, if it wasn’t after her bedtime.

    Our weekend: driving to Billings and back. Anyone up for 20 hours in the car with a toddler that doesn’t nap any more? Anyone?

    And people wonder why I drink. Is the hot tub over in the Mega-Post still full of vodka? Cannonballllll!!!

  33. Oh yes, the hot tub is still filled with vodka… along with the fridge, the sofa, the television, the chandelier, and anyone currently in the Mega-Post.

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