CARS Files Suit Against Apple.

Astute readers of Crazy Apple Rumors Site will have noticed that there was one item in Steve Jobs’ Macworld keynote that we didn’t comment on yesterday.

Steve’s mock podcast.

For those of you who didn’t get a chance to attend the keynote or view the QuickTime video-on-demand or have it performed for you by members of the Riverdance troupe as it would have been delivered by Celtic dancers over 1, 00 years ago, here’s the text of Jobs’ sample podcast demoing the new Podcast Studio feature of GarageBand.

Hi, I’m Steve, and welcome to my weekly podcast, Super Secret Apple Rumors. Featuring the hottest rumors about our favorite company. I have some pretty good sources inside Apple and this is what I’m hearing. The next iPod will be huge – an 8 pounder with a 10-inch screen. Also, Apple’s working with other companies to get iPods everywhere. Well, that’s all for today, see you next week.

Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Very funny, technology boy!

Or, rather, it would be very funny if it were not deadly serious. For, you see, in making with the funny ha-ha, Mr. Jobs has violated the intellectual property rights of Crazy Apple Rumors Site and its parent company, Giant Squid Productions.

While CARS has never actually reported Apple would release an 8 pound iPod with a 10-inch screen, the mere thought of such a device is a direct infringement of what legal experts like to call “schtick.”

Steve Jobs violated our schtick.

And this will not stand. We will have restitution.

To that end, Giant Squid Productions filed suit in California state court against Apple seeking damages to the tune of $6.4 million dollars.

Or a free 30-inch Cinema Display.

Or… one of those little… iPod tuner jobbies.

In general, we like to be cordial in our relationship with Apple (with the possible exception of the shoving match that took place between the Entity and Steve Jobs at a Cupertino Putt-Putt). But we know for a fact that Jobs’ source on the 8 pound iPod is a CARS source. One you might have heard of. Whose name rhymes with “Kill Phyllis Diller.”

That’s right.

You know who I’m talkin’ ’bout.

Apple’s very own… Bill Miller.

Works in the Woodfield Apple Store.

Bill is an exclusive source to CARS, and Jobs – in what legal experts call force majeure – majorly forced Bill to tip him off about the 8 pound iPod with the 10-inch screen. And what’s so pathetic is that Jobs couldn’t even get it right. it’s not a 10-inch screen, it’s a 20-inch screen – I mean, the 17-inch PowerBook is 7 pounds. That’s 2.43 inches per pound.

Do the frickin’ math.

We encourage Apple to do the right thing and make good by a valued member of the Macintosh community.

That’s us.

I’m talking about us.