Having recently learned that it is the target of a lawsuit over over-heating MacBooks, Apple learned today that another group is targeting the company.
According to sources at the Shady Acres Retirement Home, a group of seniors is suing the company because their MacBooks aren’t hot enough.
“I bought this gahd damn MacBook so I could stay warm this winter!” shouted Herbert Warner, pointing accusingly at his MacBook. “I got bad circulation! And this gahd damn thing wouldn’t keep a fly warm!”
Warner shook his fist at the MacBook and spit on the floor.
“Gahd damn it! I didn’t lose a nipple on Iwo Jima to waste $1,100 on a cold laptop! Makes me wish I got me one of them laptops with the… waddaya call ’em… the explodin’ batteries.”
After an angry silence, Warner said “I lost a nipple on Iwo Jima, you know!”
Warner’s wife of 56 years, Martha, indicated that Warner did not actually fight in World War II and has never served in the military.
“He was 4-F, you know!” Mrs. Warner, a co-litigant said. “Because of his missing nipple, you see! My father said, ‘Jesus, Martha, tell me you’re not gonna marry that one-nippled Warner boy!’
“But…” Warner said, hugging her irate husband, “I loved him!
“And we bought this laptop to keep us warm! That Jobs fellow should do right by us!”
When reached for comment, Steve Jobs said “You’ve got to be kidding me.”