Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.
Today, we help you through the deep personal hurting you feel over the Leopard delay.
Because you people need a lot of help.
A: Dude, calm down.
Q: AAAAAAAAAGH! AH! AHHHHHHH!
A: Calm. Down.
Q: No, YOU calm down! My whole world view is crashing down around me and you don’t want me to panic? Well, when should I panic? Huh?! Evolution gave me the panic instinct for a reason, right?! So, if I’m not gonna use it now, when the hell am I going to use it, Charles Darwin?!
A: C’mon. It’s not exactly like you’re being chased by a bear.
Q: No. It’s like I’m being chased by a leopard and… and… it’s really slow… so slow that I’m lapping it and… and… and… AND WHY WON’T YOU LET ME HAVE THIS?
A: OK. OK. Fine. Enjoy your freak-out.
UGLUK: Ugluk hear someone chased by bear?
A: Oh, man, you do not want to get in on this.
A: Heeeere we go again…
Q: Hey, I don’t know about anyone else, man, but I’m totally not worried about this. It’s all part of the plan!
A: The plan?
Q: Oh, yeah, man. See, Apple’s just saying that Leopard’s delayed until October! It’s coming out next week!
A: Uh… next week?
Q: Totally! I read on Think Secret it’s almost done!
A: Um, dude…
Q: They just need to put some final touches on it. See, while Mac users are freaking out about the “delay”, they’ll be too busy wallowing in despair to call Apple support or go out and buy stuff at the Apple Store. So Apple’s going to redirect the support people and sales staff to finish Leopard!
A: That makes absolutely no sense at all. How the hell are sales staff going to help finish Leopard?
Q: Uh, well they can, um, put the semicolons in. Pretty much any kind of monkey can type in semicolons.
A: Dude, this is an operating system they’re putting together. It’s not like a barn raising.
Q: Yes, it is! Leopard is coming! You’ll see! You’ll see!
A: You need to seek professional help.
Q: What… you mean more?
Q: Um… I’ve been up all night sobbing quietly to myself. And… I just want to know one thing.
A: Uh… yeah?
Q: Is it… is it… going to be OK?
Q: Are we… are we all going to be OK?
A: Uhhh… you mean until October?
Q: OK, well, it just sounds silly when you say it like that.