Jeff Hawkins, co-founder and former head of Palm, revealed today that he is the love child of Marcel Duchamp, the late Dadaist and Surrealist. As startling as this news was to the technology industry, it did serve to explain the Foleo, which was canceled by Palm today.
Attempting to show the futility of modern electronics, Hawkins provided Palm with the Foleo, an obvious ready-made fabrication that any reasonable person would have immediately detected was a piece of performance art.
“Reporters kept asking me questions about it,” Hawkins said, “But they never penetrated beyond the mere futility of the device into the deeper artistic meaning.”
Hawkins’ father was one of the most prominent members of a loosely knit federation of Dada artists. And like his father, Hawkins said, no one understands his work either.
“How could you people not get this?” Hawkins asked. “I mean, look at that thing. It doesn’t make any sense. A laptop that’s a slave to a cell phone? It’s absurd.
Despite the bad news for Palm, current CEO Ed Colligan applauded Hawkin’s oeuvre.
“Bravo, Jeff,” Colligan said, rising from his Aeron chair and clapping. “Bra. Vo.”
This could prove problematic for Apple, however, as sources indicated that the entirety of tomorrow’s special event announcements were not going to be iPod-related but instead centered around the Foleo.
“What the hell?!” said an exasperated Stan Ng. “I mean, clearly the Foleo’s smart-phone-centric approach makes the most sense! That’s why we based our entire iPhone and iPod strategy around it.
“Well, we were going to, anyway. Now I don’t know what the hell we’re going to do.”
Ng sighed and rubbed his eyes.
“Well, looks like I’m pulling another nighter.”
Palm will take a $10 million earnings write-down and Apple will somehow manage to pull something boss together by 10:00 AM PST tomorrow morning that will redefine one industry or another.
“It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve had to do this,” Ng said.